#16 “Gifted” Children
January 22, 2008 by clander
White people love “gifted” children, do you know why? Because an astounding 100% of their kids are gifted! Isn’t that amazing?
I’m pretty sure the last non-gifted white child was born in 1962 in Reseda, CA. Since then, it’s been a pretty sweet run.
The way it works is that white kids that are actually smart are quickly identified as “gifted” and take special classes and eventually end up in college and then law school or med school.
But wait, aren’t there white people who aren’t doctors or lawyers, or even all that smart?
Well, here is another one of those awesome white person win-win situations.
Because if a white kid gets crappy grades and can’t seem to ever do anything right in school, they are still gifted! How you ask? They are just TOO smart for school. They are too creative, too advanced to care about the trivial minutiae of the day to day operations of school.
Eventually they will show their creativity in their elaborate constructions of bongs and intimate knowledge different kinds of mushrooms and hash.
This is important if you ever find yourself needing to gain white person acceptance. If you see their kid playing peacefully, you say “oh, he/she seems very focused, are they in a gifted program?” at which point the parent will say “yes.” Or if the kid is lighting a dog on fire while screaming at their mother, you say “my he/she is a creative one. Is he/she gifted?” To which the parent will reply “oh, yes, he’s too creative and smart for school. We just don’t know what to do.” Either situation will put a white person in a better mood and make them like you more.
But NEVER under any circumstance imply that their child is less than a genius. The idea that something could come from them and be less than greatness is too much for them to bear.
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Freedomhaters.org has another really hilarious parody of Stuff White People Like.
Their entrees include, Madame Curie, Blackface, and The Music of Easter Island. I highly recommend checking it out here:
http://www.freedomhaters.org/content/yet-another-salute-stuff-white-people
Now that was funny (well, actually each post I’ve read is pretty funny). But this one. I used to work in Barnes and Noble. Every time I was in the kids’ section shelving books, I would hear the parents talking about how their child is only 5 but reads on an 8-year old level. Or something to that effect. “Oh she’s a really good reader; she’s well above where she should be” Every time. Seriously. It was a running joke with us; we are convinced the cure for cancer will come from that area.
It seems to me like every single parent I’ve ever overheard said something about how their kids read “beyond their grade level”. What if the people who designed the standards for grade levels in reading were just idiots?
this is so true. and laughable. i’m white and i’ve realized this for years. ” our 4 year old little jason is sooo smart it’s scary…!” “wow, really? tell me more, what does he do?” “well, he loves to sing and dance around whenever he hears music playing! and he makes the funniest little comments!”
you gotta be kiddin me. the kid’s just another mediocrity, just like mom and dad! he’s not even cute or interesting!
here’s another one: all their grandchildren were the cutest babies they have ever seen, bar none…seriously, the most adorable infant ever to leave a womb…
and they really believe it!
Isn’t that just evolution though? We’re programmed to like our offspring more than other people’s so that we’ll be more likely to take care of them. We can’t help it.
Live cinema! Who can put down an awesome live cinema performance?
soundcinema.wordpress.com
This has GOT to be my favourite post.
I was a ‘gifted’ child and I thought my son was when he was born.
Genius!
(Christian Lander was a ‘gifted’ child as well)
Barbra
http://intelligentwomenreadromance.com/
That’s the dumbest load of donkey shit I have ever heard. May the fleas of a thousand camel nut sacs infest your armpits for defaming the reign of The Intelligencia. You are obviously pandering to non-white readers in an attempt to increase your readership thereby the money you stand to make. WHITE PEOPLE KNOW WHEN OTHER WHITE PEOPLE ARE PANDERING!!!! Add that to your list, Elvis…
Yet another good post by SWPL…
Another site I look at for humor is http://www.somethingyoushouldread.com. It features articles, haikus, comics, and many other hilarious things.
FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
dude whats your prob? srsly! totally uncalled for, if i do say so myself, a gifted person.
Absolutely hysterical! Gifted or not these kids are still going to have to have the common sense to survive in this world.
[...] not all “gifted” kids grow up to be rocket scientists or brain surgeons. And as SWPL puts it: Eventually they [creative kids] will show their creativity in their elaborate constructions of [...]
White people love the film underground…and Live Cinema!
http://soundcinema.wordpress.com/
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