#16 “Gifted” Children
January 22, 2008 by clander
White people love “gifted” children, do you know why? Because an astounding 100% of their kids are gifted! Isn’t that amazing?
I’m pretty sure the last non-gifted white child was born in 1962 in Reseda, CA. Since then, it’s been a pretty sweet run.
The way it works is that white kids that are actually smart are quickly identified as “gifted” and take special classes and eventually end up in college and then law school or med school.
But wait, aren’t there white people who aren’t doctors or lawyers, or even all that smart?
Well, here is another one of those awesome white person win-win situations.
Because if a white kid gets crappy grades and can’t seem to ever do anything right in school, they are still gifted! How you ask? They are just TOO smart for school. They are too creative, too advanced to care about the trivial minutiae of the day to day operations of school.
Eventually they will show their creativity in their elaborate constructions of bongs and intimate knowledge different kinds of mushrooms and hash.
This is important if you ever find yourself needing to gain white person acceptance. If you see their kid playing peacefully, you say “oh, he/she seems very focused, are they in a gifted program?” at which point the parent will say “yes.” Or if the kid is lighting a dog on fire while screaming at their mother, you say “my he/she is a creative one. Is he/she gifted?” To which the parent will reply “oh, yes, he’s too creative and smart for school. We just don’t know what to do.” Either situation will put a white person in a better mood and make them like you more.
But NEVER under any circumstance imply that their child is less than a genius. The idea that something could come from them and be less than greatness is too much for them to bear.
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I was not in the “gifted” program in school…and I have to confess it really has scarred me for life.
[...] a comment » Number 16 on Stuff White People like is “Gifted Children” and the oracle of controversy Catherine Deveny wrote how every [...]
The last “gifted” child born in Reseda, Cal. in 1962…and did Nostradamus said his name fits that of the third antichrist due to come about this time? Dec. 21. 2012 will be the day a gifted child grew up to be the worst thing upon mankind. It’s coming…remember, the prince(ss) of darkness in the revelations of the last days was considered “gifted”. +
Didn’t they say the world would end in 2000? Man, I’m still unloading all of these fucking pudding snack packs and bottles of water.
Oops…Non-gifted white child? The last one! There’s still hope in white mankindred, mein ariesche comerade. The Hasidic Jewish occupation of western San Fernando valley shall come to an end. They are whiter than me anyways, and you know how the Jews sympathize with non-whites: Blacks in Alabama, Puerto Ricans in the Bronx, the Lakota in South Dakota, etc. White people in L.A. now live in Westwood (gay), Brentwood (gayer) and West Hollywood (gayest).
Those fearful white yuppies dread what their kid has if they do VERY well in school and VERY bad in social skills, they got the A.U.T.I.S.M.! Omigod, these kids are “special” or in PC terms “socially challenged”. That’s the new mentality on how smart a kid is: they got to have Asperger’s syndrome or something to explain their “genius” nature than the rest of those “dumb” kids…no wait, they got the A.U.T.I.S.M. too. +
I wish I were exaggerating, but virtually every white friend I have believes their child is gifted, usually in an artistic field rather than math, because it’s a lot harder to pretend your kid is great at math when he or she isn’t. Or maybe math is too nerdy. People wanted gifted children, but not geeks
You’re correct, nobody wants “geeks” but “smart people” like to be a genius is expected. White parents obsessed with public education made it mandatory for kids under 18 to attend (that’s the law in Cal.), but all of a sudden want home-schooling because public education is substandard for them and public schools are nothing more than “poor/ minority children in a government-funded baby-sitting day program for working parents”. How about that comment? +
This is because for the most part, middle to upper-class people value creativity over hard work when it comes to parenting and for middle to lower-class people it is the other way around. Upper class kids will be given whatever they need to succeed and need only to find their niche, while lower class kids need to ensure a place in society.
I agree what you said.
Grandpa builds the family company, dad maintains it, and the kids dabble at the arts while putting down the “capitalist exploitation” that makes their dabbling possible.
yup, that’s about the size of it. go on and get your hustle on, now.
White people certainly do not like cargo shorts…
they almost killed Abraham Lincoln!
http://lincolnsaysuncool.wordpress.com/2009/07/26/lincoln-says-uncool-cargo-shorts/
I love this stuff.
If you guys like this site, I think you might like another comedy site called http://www.somethingyoushouldread.com.
White people certainly do not like Nickelback, and Abraham Lincoln calls them out on it…
http://lincolnsaysuncool.wordpress.com/2009/07/24/lincoln-says-uncool-nickelback/
HA! “Because an astounding 100% of their kids are gifted!” ROFL
Millions of kids lack a vitamin crucial to their health said a latest scientific study on Vitamin D is lacking in 70% of US children: ABC News with Charles Gibson.
Ok here’s what you can do: turn off the TV/computer, make them get outside, drink their daily glass of milk and force the vitamins down their throats. I hope this isn’t promoting child abuse, but don’t always put on sunblock on their skin. +
White people certainly do not like Fred from Youtube, and Abraham Lincoln calls him out on it
http://lincolnsaysuncool.wordpress.com/2009/07/23/lincoln-says-uncool-fred/
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