There are a lot of cultures that like wine, but the way white people like wine is on a whole different level.
Within white culture, you are expected to know what a good wine is, what wine is not acceptable to like, and the names of prominent wine growing regions.
But because there are thousands of wineries, thousands of wines, and a limited time to try them or learn about it, often times, white people need to fake knowledge. If they are exposed as not being knowledgeable, they will look like fools and their peers will consistently make jokes about them liking Boone’s Farm, Thunderbird, Steeler, or Lakeport. This humiliation can crush a white person for years.
When a white person offers you wine, you take a small sip and then say “ooh, that’s nice. What country is it from?” then they will say the name of the country and you say “I love wines from that country, I would love to get a villa in the wine region there.” White people will nod in agreement as they all want to have a second home in a wine region like Napa, Tuscany or Santa Barbara.
It is also a good idea to say that your favorite wine is from a small winery called [make up name like 'Spotswood,' 'Red Duck,' Random Spanish name] in [Australia, Argentina, France, California, or Chile] that is hard to get in whatever country you are in. White people will be impressed that they have not heard of this wine and consider you to be a very smart person. They will also make a note to try to find that wine, and when they can’t find it, your status will rise even higher.
Wines that are acceptable: Red, White (less so)
Wines that are unacceptable (unless to be consumed in an ironic fashion): White Zinfandel, wine in a box, Rose, Fortified Wine, Arbor Mist, Chinese Cooking Wine.
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Wine is booze. no different than vodka, or other depressants like oxycontin or morphine.
It is elitist depressant “beverage” ,hence more acceptable to talk about it, read about it, fanticize about it, obsess over it etc….. It is still booze. If the same fanaticism where were for oxycontin, vodka, bourbin, whiskey etc….that would be frowned about. Many functional alcholics use wine as a guise to prevent people from seeing that they are alkies. Period. Since wine is acceptable in elite circles, (especially in white washed wealthy drunk-alcholic places like Santa Barbara, CA), their addiction is hidden because it is common place to obsess over this booze. Oxycontin/Vodka Enthuiast, Oxycontin/Whiskey Spectator, etc…what is the difference?!?! Drink everyday====alcoholic.
This shit is written by a white guy? Man, I completely retract all of my racist statements from other posts… well, not really… because its all true. But yeah, I’m giving this guy about a fucking zero on wine knowledge. Acceptable Wines; Red, White (less so)? Really? Red is acceptable? And so is white? God, and all this time I’ve been drinking the purple stuff. After red and white you’re pretty much left with ports and dessert/ice wines.
Ps. Thunderbird… that’s gonna miss about 99.7% of the white population. Boones Farm? Unless they’re in a fraternity and/or listen to early Kid Rock that’s out the window also.
Rose is hip in Europe since a few years. Prosecco and cider also.
Lol white people either love or ABSOLUTELY HATE Barrack.
http://www.beabetterproducer.com
I am so fucking white. I ran a marathon, love Bob, wine and went to grad school.
I don’t like Barack, so I must be in a special class.
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Wow, this person knows so much about white culture! Isn’t it amazing that they’ve managed to learn so much about it while clearly finding it offensive. Ironic since they don’t like it when white folks attempt to learn about their culture.
Food and drink are an important part of one’s culture and wine knowledge goes along with that. I guess when you’ve wiped out your senses sniffing petrol or glue or whatever, the subtleties of a good wine are hard to fathom.
Advanced whitetry at its finest.
It’s just a joke, babe. Loosen up
oh helen, it’s funny.
I had a laugh when I discovered the whole thing is written by a white guy… nice case of angst going on there or what?
I’d like to see a parallel humorous critique of black culture – then you’d really see feathers flying.
I’ll admit, I did have a bit of a sense of humor failure when I read this initially!
Fuck, I was outraged… even made a fool of myself.
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Rose in the new Pinot Noir.
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