Stuff White People Like

There are a lot of cultures that like wine, but the way white people like wine is on a whole different level.

Within white culture, you are expected to know what a good wine is, what wine is not acceptable to like, and the names of prominent wine growing regions.

But because there are thousands of wineries, thousands of wines, and a limited time to try them or learn about it, often times, white people need to fake knowledge.  If they are exposed as not being knowledgeable, they will look like fools and their peers will consistently make jokes about them liking Boone’s Farm, Thunderbird, Steeler, or Lakeport.  This humiliation can crush a white person for years.

When a white person offers you wine, you take a small sip and then say “ooh, that’s nice.  What country is it from?” then they will say the name of the country and you say “I love wines from that country, I would love to get a villa in the wine region there.”  White people will nod in agreement as they all want to have a second home in a wine region like Napa, Tuscany or Santa Barbara.

It is also a good idea to say that your favorite wine is from a small winery called [make up name like 'Spotswood,' 'Red Duck,' Random Spanish name] in [Australia, Argentina, France, California, or Chile] that is hard to get in  whatever country you are in.  White people will be impressed that they have not heard of this wine and consider you to be a very smart person.  They will also make a note to try to find that wine, and when they can’t find it, your status will rise even higher.

Wines that are acceptable: Red, White (less so)

Wines that are unacceptable (unless to be consumed in an ironic fashion): White Zinfandel, wine in a box, Rose, Fortified Wine, Arbor Mist, Chinese Cooking Wine.