There are a lot of cultures that like wine, but the way white people like wine is on a whole different level.
Within white culture, you are expected to know what a good wine is, what wine is not acceptable to like, and the names of prominent wine growing regions.
But because there are thousands of wineries, thousands of wines, and a limited time to try them or learn about it, often times, white people need to fake knowledge. If they are exposed as not being knowledgeable, they will look like fools and their peers will consistently make jokes about them liking Boone’s Farm, Thunderbird, Steeler, or Lakeport. This humiliation can crush a white person for years.
When a white person offers you wine, you take a small sip and then say “ooh, that’s nice. What country is it from?” then they will say the name of the country and you say “I love wines from that country, I would love to get a villa in the wine region there.” White people will nod in agreement as they all want to have a second home in a wine region like Napa, Tuscany or Santa Barbara.
It is also a good idea to say that your favorite wine is from a small winery called [make up name like 'Spotswood,' 'Red Duck,' Random Spanish name] in [Australia, Argentina, France, California, or Chile] that is hard to get in whatever country you are in. White people will be impressed that they have not heard of this wine and consider you to be a very smart person. They will also make a note to try to find that wine, and when they can’t find it, your status will rise even higher.
Wines that are acceptable: Red, White (less so)
Wines that are unacceptable (unless to be consumed in an ironic fashion): White Zinfandel, wine in a box, Rose, Fortified Wine, Arbor Mist, Chinese Cooking Wine.
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last time i checked, roses are making a come-back, thank you very much. fortified wines, such as PORT, are always in good taste.
Any truly white person (or aspiring white person) would know that in the south of France (Provence), drinking Rose before dinner is pretty much universal. Which means that it is very cool to bring it out before dinner on the patio and make a big deal out of telling all the wine snobs that “this is what we always drank before dinner in St Remy”.
On these grounds, I think you should take both Rose and White Zin off your list of unacceptable wines.
Other stuff white people like, reusable grocery bags to carry their organic food.
http://www.cafepress.com/day_earth/4563204
[...] #24 Wine ? Stuff White People Like [...]
Ive come on this to the conclusion that the reason white people like all of the shit on this website is the following:
If you got it like that why not experience more with your life.
Shit I golf, snowboard, rockclimb, mountain bike, live in manhattan, drive a fat asS bmw suv, fuck asian women, have plenty of black friends, got sweaters and motherfuckin t-shirts that I’LL wear on a plane to San FraCisco if I damn well fell like it. Shit Ill Even invite my lawyer to my beach house on a sunday for coffee maybe some tea while we read the fuckin New York Times. Yes the Liberal rag that sweats Barack Obama. After that we will indulge in some microbrews on my vintage sail boat.
When I get Bored ill travel the fuck where I want probably to snowboard somewhere usually Utah the whitest fuckin state there is. Ill take in some wine before I watch a film at sundance while I am there.
Just for a challenge I will go to a farmers market get some organic shit go home and order some sushi. You see I am trying to get in shape to run a fuckin marathon. After I finish the first thing I am going to do is shut of my i-pod loaded with free music, grab some bottled water and spark a fat mother fuckin spliff!!!!
YEAH I LOVE BEING AWARE OF DIVERSITY.
HOWEVER THE IRONY OF THIS WHOLE THING IS BEING WHITE FOR ME ONLY FOR ME!!! kICKS BIGTIME ASS!!
I grew up a mere 2 hour drive from Napa. In my family, anyone over 12 had wine with dinner. That makes me a snob? I don’t get this joke.
The joke here is the same as almost every other item. Basically, it is saying that white people don’t know sh*t about wine/gentrification/japan/other, nor do they even care. They pretend they know so as to appear superior to other white people. You become friends with them by allowing them to save face and pretending to be impressed knowing full well they are full of sh*t.
…not sure that analysis relates to gentrification…
I lived for 20 years in the Napa Valley. It is the most boring place on earth. It has the most boring, dim witted people on earth. There is nothing to do except get drunk and talk about brix during the summer, and frost, glassy winged sharpshooter, and the Parker’s ratings the rest of the year. It’s beautiful but dull as dishwater.
ROFLMAO, this is soooo freaking true.
I don’t know a thing about wines except that they contain alcohol…. and I have the feeling that’s true for most people.
I just can’t stand wine-snobs. Oh well, I don’t know any real ones, but the pretend ones are legion.
boxed wine is the best thing since…….? forget about it, it’s the best way to drink wine, you can take it to the beach or to concerts, just pull out the bladder and if you get caught just tell the man it’s you colostomy bag……I’m a genius.
AJ … I luv ya … wanna go to a concert!?
The only thing better is dressing up as a box of wine for halloween, with the pour spout placed just so
No, I think most people would say you’re an idiot.
WHAt’S THE WORD!? THUNDERBIRD!
It’s true. It’s all about skin color. Grape skin color.
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