There are a lot of cultures that like wine, but the way white people like wine is on a whole different level.
Within white culture, you are expected to know what a good wine is, what wine is not acceptable to like, and the names of prominent wine growing regions.
But because there are thousands of wineries, thousands of wines, and a limited time to try them or learn about it, often times, white people need to fake knowledge. If they are exposed as not being knowledgeable, they will look like fools and their peers will consistently make jokes about them liking Boone’s Farm, Thunderbird, Steeler, or Lakeport. This humiliation can crush a white person for years.
When a white person offers you wine, you take a small sip and then say “ooh, that’s nice. What country is it from?” then they will say the name of the country and you say “I love wines from that country, I would love to get a villa in the wine region there.” White people will nod in agreement as they all want to have a second home in a wine region like Napa, Tuscany or Santa Barbara.
It is also a good idea to say that your favorite wine is from a small winery called [make up name like 'Spotswood,' 'Red Duck,' Random Spanish name] in [Australia, Argentina, France, California, or Chile] that is hard to get in whatever country you are in. White people will be impressed that they have not heard of this wine and consider you to be a very smart person. They will also make a note to try to find that wine, and when they can’t find it, your status will rise even higher.
Wines that are acceptable: Red, White (less so)
Wines that are unacceptable (unless to be consumed in an ironic fashion): White Zinfandel, wine in a box, Rose, Fortified Wine, Arbor Mist, Chinese Cooking Wine.
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A couple of years ago I was invited to a wine testing party. Virtually all the participants were white. Each couple was to bring a bottle of wine costing less than $20. We sat in a circle and sampled eight bottles. We discussed each sample after tasting. One individual was particularly articulate and influenced the rest of us especially as the evening wore on. At the end we ranked the eight bottles. A French wine was name best. Second place was a surprise. It was a local Thai wine. Third place was even more of a surprise. It was a bottle composed of the dregs of the previous seven bottles!
white zinfandel, asti spumanti, lambrusco, mogen david or manischewitz to eat with fruit cake (or for Passover). Oh and the Spanish red wine mixed with fruit juice.
subject closed.
I HATE wine! I’ve never understood the purpose of trying to find “hints” of various things (oak, berries, flowers, etc.). Wine isn’t sweet. Plus, red wine gives me such a headache. At the place where I work, people are always inflicting their wine on me. It’s like they gave birth to it and insist that you LOVE it! I always tell people that I can’t drink because I’m diabetic. I don’t know if being diabetic means you can’t drink, but claiming that it does tends to get me out of wine drinking situations. I used to date this guy who decided to try to teach me the finer points of “dining”. He always ate his pasta with a fork and a spoon. He cut his pieces of food with a knife and a fork and then would lay down the knife on the edge of the plate. He would take a glass of wine and swirl it around and say, “look at the legs on this wine! And it’s got a great nose!” I just thought it was stupid. I’d rather drink Koolaid than wine. I do like port though. It’s pretty sweet. Otherwise, to me, wine is so over blown.
OMG I hate wine too! tastes like rotten fruit. Why are people all strung out if you don’t like wine? Maybe they don’t like licorice? does everyone on the planet like the taste of soap gum?
I don’t. jeez.get over it. Wine liking just means your tastebuds work different than mine and I do not insult you for your liking it.
It is rotten fruit
good god ave u ever drank wine,stroof…
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Very true, although I would argue that nowadays Rose’s status has risen enough in the more fashionable metropolitan areas of this country that drinking it will make most people around you feel insecure, and they will probably start thinking they ought to be having it too. I drink it regularly–preferably from Southern France–and if anyone tries to mock me I declare confidently that Americans “just don’t get it.” I mean, who knows better, French peasants or Midwestern big-city interlopers? You also have to be white to pull this off properly, because if you’re a minority people will probably just think that it’s “a black thing” or some such nonsense. Seeing a fairly appealing-looking white guy (that’s me) drinking Rose will get everyone titillated and frankly dying to be having some too. Also, I like how it tastes.
HAHAHA I laughed so hard when I read this, it totally describes my dad who we’ve been calling a “cork dork” forever!! He always tries to act like he knows what he is talking about! lol
If you say you love wine from a lesser known wine region, like Uruguay. Then people will really think you’re an expert.
love it! http://www.SHOP-LUSCIOUS.com
The best is when white customer X has an internal meltdown because he/she can’t remember if he/she is supposed to pair some shitty chicken entree at the local price fixe with a red or white wine. Choosing the wrong one leaves the door wide open for white customers Y or Z to develop half-concealed glances of disapproval; but, I suppose, choosing the wrong one also might permit white customer X to blame the shitty chicken entree on the wine mis-pairing rather than the food itself.
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