There are a lot of cultures that like wine, but the way white people like wine is on a whole different level.
Within white culture, you are expected to know what a good wine is, what wine is not acceptable to like, and the names of prominent wine growing regions.
But because there are thousands of wineries, thousands of wines, and a limited time to try them or learn about it, often times, white people need to fake knowledge. If they are exposed as not being knowledgeable, they will look like fools and their peers will consistently make jokes about them liking Boone’s Farm, Thunderbird, Steeler, or Lakeport. This humiliation can crush a white person for years.
When a white person offers you wine, you take a small sip and then say “ooh, that’s nice. What country is it from?” then they will say the name of the country and you say “I love wines from that country, I would love to get a villa in the wine region there.” White people will nod in agreement as they all want to have a second home in a wine region like Napa, Tuscany or Santa Barbara.
It is also a good idea to say that your favorite wine is from a small winery called [make up name like 'Spotswood,' 'Red Duck,' Random Spanish name] in [Australia, Argentina, France, California, or Chile] that is hard to get in whatever country you are in. White people will be impressed that they have not heard of this wine and consider you to be a very smart person. They will also make a note to try to find that wine, and when they can’t find it, your status will rise even higher.
Wines that are acceptable: Red, White (less so)
Wines that are unacceptable (unless to be consumed in an ironic fashion): White Zinfandel, wine in a box, Rose, Fortified Wine, Arbor Mist, Chinese Cooking Wine.
Pages: « 27 … 23 22 21 20 19 [18] 17 16 15 14 13 … 1 » Show All
Ha! Ha! Ha!
The “way they like it…” huh? NEWSFLASH, you dolt:
Anyone is capable of being pretentious! Being white has nothing to do with it. Or maybe, just maybe, it has more to do with the fact that one’s appreciation of good wine (as opposed to the mass produced shit you probably drink) is a pretty reliable indicator of one’s social class, hmm? That’s what really irks you, isn’t it?
are you retarded?
are you retarded?
Lighten up you snob!
[...] of this particular internet meme, I felt as though the Colbert-like ‘truthiness’ of the wine post was worth a bit of additional examination in this context. The quote, “often times, white [...]
[...] #24 – Wine Yum… [...]
hahahaha. all the wine stuff above is probably the whitest thing about me!
In all fairness, Black Box is fairly decent wine in a box. Wine companies have started putting good wine in boxes because it keeps longer because it’s an airtight seal, and much cheaper than bottling wine. Also, it’s about 25 bucks for 3 litres. For a broke college student, you really can’t beat it for quantity and quality.
I have accepted the fact that I am about as white as they come, so all I can do is pass on knowledge I have gleaned during years as a pasty elitist.
Enjoy.
what should have also been placed on this list between beer and wine is cheese. white people love cheese. not yellow american cheese, unless they are the other kind of white people. the fancier it was five years ago, the more they like it. brie, chevre, if you can find a chevre brie then you should definitely take it to a dinner party.
that is so true. white americans don’t know much about wine, in europe, argentina or chile, regions were wine is not only popular but good, people laugh at americans who believe wines from napa valley to be great and claim they know about wine
I am a white American who has consumed way too much wine with way too many white people who fall into the above category.
Usually, the movie “Sideways” is to blame.
I am a wine writer who consumes way too much wine, usually with other white people and none of which is white zin’, which is undoubtedly one of the tackiest wines on the planet.
I love finding bargain wines from unusual places like Sicily – this is a good subject for stuff white people like.
Cheers
Joelle
The only wine I drink is white Zinfadel. I know nothing about what region or year it is. If it looks good & tastes good & gets me a good buzz that’s all I’m worried about! lol
One of my whitest friends is crazy about white zinfandel and she is the right kind of white person. So drink up! (maybe saying this makes me not the right kind of white person but I don’t care.)
I’m sorry heather, but white zinfandel is tacky, and you are probably a tacky white person. I would not be sharing this information with anyone if I were you.
On heathers defense Miss V, you are actually the tacky white person/example the author makes fun of in this blog. Heather is being more honest than the rest of us about her lack of wine knowledge, and the fact that wine is wine and she just likes to have a good time. You are obviously super high maintenance.
Cheers
Fark that. The only real wine comes in a box. You can tell it’s good because it gets you drunk really quickly and for about one hundredth the cost of anything else. And no drinking wine casks (or goon bags as we call them in Australia) is not ironic, it’s sound alcoholic economics.
And, as AJ on page 15 says, boxed wine is the best because when you go to a concert you can just pull out the bladder and take that with you … if you get caught you just tell the man it’s your colostomy bag … I luv me some AJ!
i drank wine last night and have a whole other untouched bottle in my fridge. damnit.
Kurt,
Why do you keep your wine in the fridge?
Cheers
On no account should a white person ever suggest at a restaurant that the wine might be corked. As soon as someone raises this issue the entire table will become silent. Everyone will feel very uncomfortable – is the wine corked? Or is it just because someone went for the cheap option? Who even knows what corked wine tastes like?
There will then be an extremely tense Russian Roulette scenario as each individual tries to decide whether the wine needs to be sent back (running the risk of the entire group losing status if the restaurant staff suggest it is not corked), or whether it is fine and the person who raised the issue has no knowledge of wine. He would then become a social pariah along with anyone who agreed with him. Either way the meal will be ruined and conversation will be difficult.
No-one at the table will ever suggest again that a bottle is corked, even if it is.
Yes … good point.
Pages: « 27 … 23 22 21 20 19 [18] 17 16 15 14 13 … 1 » Show All