#28 Not Having a TV
January 26, 2008 by clander
The number one reason why white people like not having a TV is so that they can tell you that they don’t have a TV.
On those lonely nights when white people wish they could be watching American Idol, Lost, or Grey’s Anatomy, they comfort themselves by thinking of how when people talk about the show tomorrow they can say “I didn’t see it, I don’t have a TV. That stuff rots your brain.”
It is effective in making other white people feel bad, and making themselves feel good about their life and life choices.
Though these people often fill their time by talking with other friends who don’t watch TV about how they don’t watch TV, looking at leaves, cooking, reading books about left wing politics, and going to concerts/protests/poetry slams.
Generally this makes them very boring and gives you very little to talk to them about. It’s important that you NEVER suggest they are making a mistake or that there is a value to owning a TV. You should just try to steer the conversation to allow them to talk about how they are better than you.
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I own a TV but only use it to play video games. Many white people like video games, and use them to channel their natural desire to bomb brown people in a constructive, non-violent fashion. This way they can avoid the guilt normally associated with racist violence while committing it in their heads. One minute I’m strafing a terrorist mosque, the next I’m at an anti-war vigil hitting on asian women.
[...] as they can, eating at breakfast places, watching the daily show/colbert report (only if they have a tv), smoking marijuana, dancing at 80s nights, reading david sedaris, drinking wine or microbrews, [...]
Funny piece, but in my experience the minority who doesn’t have a TV is busy doing other stuff. They’re not boring, it just means everyone else has to try harder instead of falling back to ‘did you see last night?’
I am white, don’t watch TV (haven’t for years), and I hate sports except on the radio. I find listening to John, the radio jock for the NY Yankees guarantees me eight hours of absolutely peaceful sleep; about one half inning does the trick.
There IS something soothing about the knowledge that, while you are reading a book or listening to the radio, a concert of serious music for instance, 99.99% of your fellow citizens, the assholes of the world, are ruining what little brain they have left watching some idiot like Bill O’Reilly or Walter Cronkite pontificate about things he doesn’t really understand.
I am convinced that it was TV that gave us the Cretin From Crawford, the worst president in history. You could easily get the TV crowd to elect a dog if you promoted him long enough. And I believe the same dimwits actually thought Bush was telling the truth when he launched his aggression against Iraq. They are so stupid they will believe anything….as long as it comes from their TV screen.
Wow. What an asshole.
nice rebuttal Joseph…did you learn how to debate from a book or tv?
True, but has a damn good point.
He’s right though. People who watch TV end up like you. And that’s bad for the country, because people like you go and vote.
great post. and the best argument for myself to bite the bullet and cease watching tv as well. thank you.
thank you for proving the point of “white people don’t have tvs”.
The audiences at the slams I’ve been to were mostly poc.
I stopped watching TV a few years ago… too boring. Teh intratubez is far more interesting. I dunno what’s on TV these days, and I don’t give a shit.
i’m black…i have a tv ..but it’s not plugged in, and i like sports,i just don’t have to watch all the games on tv..it’s always better in person.
but TV IS EVIL
Wow, I’m white and I don’t have a TV either!!! I do however, have free high-speed internet access from my university and I am able to enjoy all of the wonderful shows of abc and nbc for free online! (can you still watch TV without cable?)
Cheap white people now wish they were able to watch the Daily Show but want to avoid cable bills, and in the absence of television must be satisfied with the bits posted on youtube.
Yet they do have the advantage of being able to talk about not having TV while not admitting that they’ve seen every episode of Lost online. When will everyone catch on? I suppose that former white students will be found spending 3x the amount that others spend on cable on an internet connection that will permit adequate viewing online.
hulu.com can help all those without TV or just no time to watch TV.
full episodes of the daily show and colbert report along with other TV shows and movies! anything from Family Guy to Death Wish.
it’s true that the computer can be just as time-consuming, if not more than tv, but no one can truly argue that tv gives you better things to talk about with friends and makes you more interesting. not having a tv isn’t something that white people do, it’s something that people do when they find better things to do with their time.
I think it’s pretty short-sighted to assume that people who watch tv only watch crap. There’s actually a lot of high quality and informative programming available (Frontline, Leher News Hour, Booknotes, Flava of Love…wait that’s not one…well, you get the point). And it’s possible that there are folks out there who are visual learners, and the tv offers the best medium for learning information. Finally, it’s just not nice to assume a position of superiority.
Another one who bought into the “visual learner” crap. Write-off.
I second this, strongly. I have no idea what I would do with 3 channels, let alone 900. Jesus Christ. I’m so busy just being BUSY and NORMAL and WHITE that I have no idea when I would find the time to watch two hours of television a night. Yikes.
As to the above statement about Lost, I just go to my boyfriend’s house to watch it. It’s not a big deal, really. Ha.
All I know is that me and my girlfriend and our dog sit and chillax on the couch at night watching CSI or whatever crud comes on. We don’t just watch TV, we chit chat about the days events, what’s going on with each other, family, etc. Also, of course, other things ensue–although doggy has to go outside for a while. The TV room is for much more than just MMA.
This is the most accurate description of all the white folks I know that don’t have tv, or at the very least, don’t have cable. Personally, i have a television but no cable. I watch the local news on the three channels the rabbit ears pick up (abc, nbc, and cbs), but this won’t work after the new year without a new connection, which I will refuse to buy. Thus I will be left with my high speed internet that my landlord offers free of charge and be content with my netflix.
considering the digital box is free from local cable providers, i have a feeling you will be watching abc. nbc and cbs with no problem in 2009.
love the generalizations! keep ‘em coming! (ps i don’t have a tv, am mostly white, and like watching sports at the local pub or friends houses. did i mention that i don’t have a tv?)
yes but how fat are you is the most important question.`
people who don’t have TVs don’t like sports and people who don’t like sports are essentially assholes
we are too busy having lots of sex
Hmmm, you might have a point. Or it could be that I’m an asshole who just happens to hate sports. Either way, it take one to know one, eh?
I agree people who dont watch sports are essentially assholes; but people who dont have TV’s are bigger assholes. I read all day at work, and go to the gym every morning. At night, I like to site in front of the tube for at least 2 hours. You cant make me feel bad for watching TV, and if you try, I will tell you to go F&^% yourself- And by the way, I guarantee I am in better shape than all you “non-TV owners.” I ran two marathons last year, and can dunk. (Only 6’2).
White Guy Sports Fan
The next one should be steroids
douche canoe
douche canoe…hahahaha
I bet you have a Really Big TV and a really small……..?
…and people with inflated egos are the biggest of assholes of them all.
Umm… I don’t have a tv and I’m not on hear calling anyone an asshole… I’m just sayin’…
Correction:
People who dont have TVs are Playing sports..People who have TVs are stuck watching us who do not…
Assholes aside, you can either be a player or a spectator.
I see you have made your choice. Enjoy the game!
Because as we all know, there’s no such thing as an elite, professional athlete who owns (and watches) a TV, or plays video games, for that matter. Schmuck.
no you are an asshole for thinking that
Have you ever tailgated at a football game? There is a 1:1 ratio between how much you like sports and how much of a fat, alcoholic, loudmouth asshole you are.
OR, we’re out playing sports instead of being a fatty WATCHING sports.
#9 Making you feel bad about not going outside
Zing!
or how about we stop caring what people think and make our own choices…..freedom..
#101 Being Offended
Bravo
[...] in The Daily Show Post#35, however he decided that life would be better if he did not have a TV post #28. Craig found an adequate replacement in Public [...]
I do not have a TV and this blog is SO accurate. I LOVE saying that I do not have a TV for the feeling of utter superiority I receive. It makes me feel light-years smarter than the average joe (self-satisfied sigh*). I also get an immense amount of satisfaction telling people that I read the book instead of seeing the movie
–self-satisfied grad student
Hahahahahaha! I am so white! I too have no tv. But my daughter(who is gifted) goes to a Waldorf school…which means there are hundreds of us without a tv! We have collective meetings(while knitting) about tv. I love this website, because it is a constant reality check to anyone who thinks they are uber cool! I haven’t had a tv for 10 years…but then again I grew up on the west coast of Canada on a commune, and we didn’t have one then.
Truth be told, I was taking a break from studying Spanish and doing my homework for my erotic writing course…and just finished watching Survivor:Villains vs Heros on youtube. And yes I am watching from my MacBook Pro
I may have to stop typing so I can hate my life with my whole body! hahahahahahaha…I might pee my lululemons
You’re the non-TV watching person who likes to pick up the phone and call all his friends all evening long. Friends that are just kicking back watching their favorite shows until interruption from the likes of you. Get a TV!
I pooped my pants
did you really say this to every post?
Got to admit, this is the 3rd time I’ve seen it and I’m in tears.
Low brow humour..love it.
Damn straight.
Now don’t forget to wipe.
To the topic on hand… huh? I have never met a person without a TV. Even my grandparents! And they were immigrants! Piss-poor Russkie peasants!
This entry made my brain hurt.
…really, no TV?
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