#36 Breakfast Places
January 28, 2008 by clander
When Loverboy wrote the song “Everybody’s working for the weekend,” they meant that you work all week so that you can earn a break and go to some sweet bars or concerts and rock out as hard as possible because you have 2 days for the hangover to fix itself. Well, white people work for the weekend, except their only goal is to eat breakfast on Saturday or Sunday at one of their favorite “breakfast places.”
These places are restaurants that specialize in breakfast food and are usually only open from 8 a.m. to 2 p.m. and if you arrive at any time after 9:30, prepare to wait for up to an hour with white people who cannot wait to get vegan pancakes, eggs benedict, waffles, or deluxe french toast.
To a white person, there is no better way to spend a saturday morning than to get up late, around 9:30 and pile into your Audi or Volvo and drive to one of these little places and eat breakfast with friends. Often times these breakfasts last for an hour or more (hence the long lines and wait times).
Some white people take it to the next level and bring their dogs, newspaper or even a laptop.
If you plan on dealing with white people, it would serve you well to know some local breakfast places. This will also come in handy if you pick someone up at 80s night. In white person law, if you meet someone at 80s night and then go out for breakfast the next morning, then you are automatically in a relationship. There are no exceptions.
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I have no energy to move my masseter and temporalis muscles upon waking. Even sipping coffee is quite an undertaking, albeit a necessary one. People who start their day off with a bowl of soup have the right idea though. It’s a fast and painless way to get through the gruesome beginning of the day.
This is cracking me up. Mainly because it’s true. I dated an entertainment attorney in Nashville and at least once a month we’d end up meeting friends for breakfast at Le Peep in Belle Meade which is the center of Nashville “old” money. One of the items is the “Oke Doke Artichokee”.
OMG that is so funny…. I lived in Nashville for years and years and used to eat at the Belle Meade Le Peep after hiking Percy Warner red trail on Saturday and/or Sunday morning….
Great place to eat breakfast in Kansas City. Tons of white people.
http://www.yelp.com/biz/mamas-39th-st-diner-kansas-city
Keep spreading the word and you’ll have black people by the likes of Oprah, Will Smith, Derek Jeter, Alan Keyes and who knows? the president coming in too. You gotta get the Yen and Yuan, Asian tourists may come by the hordes. +
”I like to eat breakfast alone, and almost never before noon; anybody with a terminally jangled lifestyle needs at least one psychic anchor every 24 hours and mine is breakfast. In Hong Kong, Dallas, or at home — and regardless of whether or not I have been to bed — breakfast is a personal ritual that can only be properly observed alone, and in a spirit of genuine excess. The food factor should always be massive: four Bloody Marys, two grapefruits, a pot of coffee, Rangoon crepes, a half-pound of either sausage, bacon or corned beef hash with diced chilies, a Spanish omlette or eggs Benedict, something like a slice of key lime pie, two margaritas and six lines of the best cocaine for dessert. . . right, and there should also be two or three newspapers, all mail and messages, a telephone, a notebook for planning the next 24 hours, and at least one source of good music. . . all of which should be dealt with outside, in the warmth of a hot sun, and preferably stone naked.” ~ Hunter S. Thompson
Even better if the breakfast place has an intentionally ugly or “ironic” decor; nirvana if its a true greasy spoon, sort of like an a.m. version of going to a dive bar.
Have to disagree on this one, Mark. Most white people I know abhor the mere thought of lowering themselves to “dine” in a true greasy spoon. They’d rather leave that sort of socioeconomic humiliation to “hicks like us”
If you want breakfast or #1 Coffee in London on Saturday morning, forget it – the place will be full of ‘Babyccinos’ who’ve bought little Daisy and Rufus out for free cups of froth. This requires at least two tables and a minimum stay of one hour, and only takes place in tiny family-run Italian cafes where they ‘know the owner, Luigi’.
One of the greatest mysteries of white people is the fact that they love breakfast places even though they may generally detest breakfast as concept, much less a meal (for proof, read some of the other comments). They will happily eat high-fat, high-carb foods on weekends, but on weekdays, anything but a power bar and diet Coke consumed in the car on the way to work is revolting.
Exceptions to this distaste may be muesli or some other “healthy” food-like grain or low-fat yogurt, so long as no effort is required in its preparation. Other exceptions are when staying in a hotel with a breakfast buffet, where they will pass up the oatmeal and fruit for the high-fat breads, muffins, sausages, bacon, and eggs.
Part of this weekday aversion to real food is contempt for the people who perform physical labor in the morning and need at hot meal to start the day. Being acquainted with no one who has such a job, or who has the discipline to get up early enough to prepare a proper meal, they consider any such meal as contributing to the obesity problem.
I live in New York, and since there is nothing that white people love better than New York, imagine how special weekend brunch is in New York!!! Each weekend, whether it is a hurricane or if it is a 100 year blizzard, white people will congregate in one of a few places that they have collectively decided are good for brunch like Friend of a Farmer, Penelope, Prune, or Clinton Street Baking Company and they will wait for two hours or more for some minor variation of eggs and toast. There may be a restaurant one door down which is almost identical but if it hasn’t been anointed it isn’t worth going to.
“To a white person, there is no better way to spend a saturday morning than to get up late, around 9:30 and pile into your Audi or Volvo and drive to one of these little places and eat breakfast with friends.”
How ’bout getting up at 6 and going out to breakfast after chores are done, say, around 9:30?
To a white person!! ?? you narrow minded, and ignorant individual… oh I forgot you’re probably from the deep south, yeah I heard many of you folks out there still in the era of the civil war….
Are you addressing Richard or “clander”, who, apparently, authored the original article?
You DO realize that quotation marks are used when one is quoting someone else?
Or couldn’t you be bothered reading the entire article?
Perfect Breakfast place in Chappel Hill NC = Fosters Market
New Orleans will have a Vegetarian Soul restaurant that will serve healthy food options. The restaurant is named Big Shirley’s of New Orleans @ 1434 South Carrollton ave.
Well there you go, messing up black food by making it healthy. If black people start eating healthy, we might live longer and date more white girls, making more mixed kids and more uncomfortable white grand parents, who have no idea who to leave their money to, or how to braid girls hair. Also if we live longer, we will get longer prison sentences and keep the prison system funded for years to come…I detect conspiracy!
Brilliant!
Just one flaw. I’m pretty sure everyone knows how to braid girl’s hair? Even my dad would braid my hair sometimes before school if my mom was too busy..
No, not everyone knows how to braid hair in the context that he was speaking.
Geez! Calm down tools. I really don’t think this is the kind of site that warrants endorsements of random restaurants.
Magnolia Cafe!
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