#36 Breakfast Places
January 28, 2008 by clander
When Loverboy wrote the song “Everybody’s working for the weekend,” they meant that you work all week so that you can earn a break and go to some sweet bars or concerts and rock out as hard as possible because you have 2 days for the hangover to fix itself. Well, white people work for the weekend, except their only goal is to eat breakfast on Saturday or Sunday at one of their favorite “breakfast places.”
These places are restaurants that specialize in breakfast food and are usually only open from 8 a.m. to 2 p.m. and if you arrive at any time after 9:30, prepare to wait for up to an hour with white people who cannot wait to get vegan pancakes, eggs benedict, waffles, or deluxe french toast.
To a white person, there is no better way to spend a saturday morning than to get up late, around 9:30 and pile into your Audi or Volvo and drive to one of these little places and eat breakfast with friends. Often times these breakfasts last for an hour or more (hence the long lines and wait times).
Some white people take it to the next level and bring their dogs, newspaper or even a laptop.
If you plan on dealing with white people, it would serve you well to know some local breakfast places. This will also come in handy if you pick someone up at 80s night. In white person law, if you meet someone at 80s night and then go out for breakfast the next morning, then you are automatically in a relationship. There are no exceptions.
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Sorry, but I’m a white lion same as the lions on the African plain & can’t live like a baboon. If “they” try to make me into a baboon, someone is going to get eaten, maybe as breakfast .
Al
I am currently in one of these morning-after, breakfast place-induced relationships. The night before we were at a kickball-related happy hour. (See #102 under SWPL.)
Oh god I love a fry-up! Definitely an English thing
I love eggs benedict. There is nothing better than going out on a Saturday to get some awesome eggs benedict.
You know you started off good about the drinking thing but went south with all that preppy talk… See You left out the Waffle House… Open 24-7.. That caters to the Drunkerd and kids afflicted with grandpas Magic Herbs. Its a great time! All the coffee you can drink and all the comforts of a smoke filled restruaunt…yes you can smoke at the waffle house. Still Serving yall in Texas.
Guilty. For all you San Diegans, check out Harry’s in La Jolla. Best breakfast in the city.
For all you San Diegans, I counter Adam’s suggestion with the Old Town House in OB!
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I’m willing to bet you IHOP makes most of it’s money from the blacks.
Jeff my man, keep on your racist remarks and you’re gonna find yourself unable to reply on this blog again. xD Denny’s is more popular, the one restaurant sued for discrimination in the past 40 years involving black customers, like the 1993 case of two FBI agents, both African-American, in a Baltimore, Md. Denny’s… and guess what? yep, busted! +
IHOP isn’t the kind of place this article is reffering to
haha yeah definitely not
Wow. I just saw my childhood flash before my eyes when I read this. Every single weekend of my young life was spent standing in line waiting for overpriced breakfast when I could have been watching cartoons. I didn’t know that it was actually just part of my heritage at work. My parents were helpless NOT to take us to an overpriced breakfast place. I suppose when I have white children of my own, it’ll be up to me to carry on the tradition; much like placing money from the tooth fairy under a pillow or southbound migratory patterns of birds.
The best is going to the Blue Moon Cafe in Fell’s Point (Baltimore), where multiple simultaneous white behaviors can be observed.
No bullshitting, I actually saw a girl there one Saturday morning wearing outdoor performance clothes (#87), talking on her iPhone (#40) to what I can only assume was another white person about “The Wire” (#85). She ordered a vegan muffin (#32). She left when I did, and got into a Volkswagen Jetta (should be #121), the official car of white people under 30.
I’m tellin’ ya, it is the very nexus of whiteness!!
I work at Blue Moon Cafe and have for over 8 months. It is a white person mecca. I do feel the need to slightly defend this really white girl. We do not serve muffins and NOTHING in there is vegan. Go across the street to Liquid Earth for your vegan muffin before clogging your arteries with sausage gravy and Cap’n Crunch French Toast…it is delicious though.
Two years ago, they really did have giant muffins.
I don’t know if it was a one-off thing, because I spend all of my time there throwing down the awesome hash browns and biscuits.
Hey I am from Baltimore too and don’t notice so much of these behaviors. Honestly I don’t get the point of this website though it IS hilarious. I think better places to observe “white people” around Baltimore is the Boulevard Diner in Dundalk, the Outback Steakhouse in Canton or Towson Town Center. Honestly probably no place represents the “white” lifestyle better though than Ellicott City especially the McMansions on its outskirts.
Depends on the neighborhood, I suppose… Fed Hill, Canton, and Charles Village all seem to exude the whiteness factors defined on this blog. Get out to Essex, Dundalk, or Glen Burnie, and you’re right — stereotypical rich white liberal behavior isn’t very prevalent (because most of the people in those burbs are not rich or liberal).
And if you live in Baltimore, I’m sure you’ll agree with me that, without a doubt, Columbia is ground-zero for “Stuff White People Like” in the state of Maryland. Possibly in the entire hemisphere (excluding San Francisco and Greenwich Village NYC, of course…)
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