#36 Breakfast Places
January 28, 2008 by clander
When Loverboy wrote the song “Everybody’s working for the weekend,” they meant that you work all week so that you can earn a break and go to some sweet bars or concerts and rock out as hard as possible because you have 2 days for the hangover to fix itself. Well, white people work for the weekend, except their only goal is to eat breakfast on Saturday or Sunday at one of their favorite “breakfast places.”
These places are restaurants that specialize in breakfast food and are usually only open from 8 a.m. to 2 p.m. and if you arrive at any time after 9:30, prepare to wait for up to an hour with white people who cannot wait to get vegan pancakes, eggs benedict, waffles, or deluxe french toast.
To a white person, there is no better way to spend a saturday morning than to get up late, around 9:30 and pile into your Audi or Volvo and drive to one of these little places and eat breakfast with friends. Often times these breakfasts last for an hour or more (hence the long lines and wait times).
Some white people take it to the next level and bring their dogs, newspaper or even a laptop.
If you plan on dealing with white people, it would serve you well to know some local breakfast places. This will also come in handy if you pick someone up at 80s night. In white person law, if you meet someone at 80s night and then go out for breakfast the next morning, then you are automatically in a relationship. There are no exceptions.
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Sure I like these places but I prefer making my own breakfast. A real Southern breakfast with plenty of grease and cooked in a iron skillet.
lol this one is so true
Ayanna, Markham Station is THE place!
Greasy and sloppy for onlky $4.99!
They must be PRINTING money in that place- it’s always busy.
I just found out about this blog and I have been ROLLING with laughter all evening.
Thanks C. Lander.
[...] cinnamon rolls in my Kitchenaid stand mixer so we can have our gay friends who are parents over for brunch, coffee, and some discussion of the Sunday New York Times while listening to indie music via our [...]
[...] #36 – Breakfast Places [...]
Ha ha! Excellent and on the money.
So on the money, in fact, I’m writing this after returning from brunch a couple of hours ago. God help me, I was even reading the NY Times while “doing brunch”.
Mine was a lonely meal, though, since I went by myself. Whoops, I broke the pattern, maybe there’s hope for me, after all.
If you’re in Seattle try the Blue Star Cafe (http://www.yelp.com/biz/eggs-ceteras-blue-star-cafe-seattle#hrid:R3PgDjjFSd9oUHGx9uBqKA/query:eggs). Great food and Sunday specials on Bloody Marys and Mimosas.
[...] 4. Brunch (because I apparently I can’t help it. Everyone’s working for their breakfast [...]
I think you should add Bloody Mary’s to this list. I love working at my Breakfast Place to watch white people come in on weekend mornings and act like they just cant get through their day if they dont start with a Bloody Mary. They walk in like the living dead, in their outdoor performance clothes, sometimes with their apple laptop, sometimes with their gay friends or parents they hate and basically collapse on the floor until they take that first sip of a Bloody.
And it doesnt matter if I make it fancy, spicy, cheap vodka or not, they sip that first sip and every single one of them will close their eyes and coo sensually, “Ooooooooh, that’s a good Bloody.” And they will all talk to each other, and to me, about how they just can’t get going without a Bloody. If I had a nickel for every time a white person says Bloody to me in the course of their time at my establishment, I wouldn’t be a fucking bartender. In a gentrified neighborhood. Where we have 80′s night. And indie music.
“These places are restaurants that specialize in breakfast food and are usually only open from 8 a.m. to 2 p.m.”
Not in Montreal, whose anglophone population are some of the worst examples of the hipster behavior this blog describes. There, if you go *before* 2:00 p.m. you’re not cool, because it means you got up before noon.
(Or you might be francophone, which gives you a free pass on not being cool, since hipster behavior is really just an anglo thing).
[...] from an anthropological perspective, writing in-depth about things like Bottles of Water, The Wire, Breakfast Places and Threatening to Move to [...]
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