#37 Renovations
January 29, 2008 by clander
All white people are born with a singular mission in life in order to pass from regular whitehood into ultra-whitehood. Much like how Muslims have to visit Mecca, all white people must eventually renovate a house before they can be complete.
Of course, most white people do not reach this goal until they are 35 or older. But the need to do it is as instinctual as walking.
But it is important to note that white people have little or no interest in renovating a suburban home built after 1960 (except in Southern California). All white people dream about buying an older property (“with character”) in a city, and then renovating it so the insides look all modern with a stainless steel fridge.
Though the seed is planted from birth, it really starts to grow when renovations take place in a family home during childhood. They don’t understand why there are so many men with mustaches in their kitchen, but they know that they will be gone in a few weeks leaving behind a nicer kitchen and a happier mommy/daddy/life partner of parent.
Please note that ALL white people went through a renovation when they were kids. This is a good subject to bond over, perhaps a story about how you were embarassed at a sleepover when a friend went to the bathroom and there was a contractor on the toilet. Embellish as necessary.
Pages: « 11 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 [1] Show All
I suppose rennovations are good. Having car parts and broken lawn mowers on the lawn is not as appealing as a stove or washer that actually gets clothes clean. Kitchens that enable folks to cook homemade meals is a better answer than fast food or 7-11 kitchens.
I am white and have never experienced nor desired renovation.
Sorry. Guess I missed this one.
You must live in a condo – loser.
Terrifyingly true. I think I may need to renovate here soon myself!
I’m white and I can’t afford to renovate my house. Cool?
You are the wrong kind of white person to know.
Hey, where are #36 and earlier??? I feel like I might be missing some pretty important stuff that white people like.
Renovations are only relevant if they are making a white neighborhood, which turned off-white for at least a decade, white again. White people on the fringe are whiter than those who never left.
Right?
stuffblackpeoplelike – eating watermelon! hahaha!!!
stuffarabpeoplelike – pumping oil! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike – gang warfare! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike – eating beans! hahaha!!!
stuffchinesepeoplelike – shooting heroin! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike – welfare! hahaha!!!
stuffjewishpeoplelike – keeping money! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike – wearing sombreros! hahaha!!!
stuffchinesepeoplelike – eating rice! hahaha!!!
stuffarabpeoplelike – kissing goats! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike – wearing sombreros! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike – sniffing glue! hahaha!!!
aren’t i funny and clever!!!
don’t you dare call me a racist!!!
See #40, “Irony”, you idiot.
Bravo! (using foreign phrases, friggin’ white).
There’s people who tear down the existing house, and build a McMansion, is that like “Aryan House Supremacy”?
(notice the meaningful AH included in description)…
Hey , your blog is fun, but can you start a “things White people hate” blog? or add to this one. That would be even more swell. I might have to twitter you a starbucks coffee or bonus points at B&N (bookstore, in case you don’t know).
I got gypped. We were born into a house that stayed the same size until we all grew up and left. I feel kind of off-white now.
Jake – it’s okay to be Ecru. I “renovated” a Port-o-John on the side of the San Diego Freeway last month. I couldn’t fit in a stainless steel fridge, but there is some great post-Warhol art now hanging inside.
Not only did my family renovate when I was little, but the nice mustashed construction workers built me a kool aid stand (easily the nicest one on my block).
Yep. White.
I also suspect there is an unconscious tie-in with recycling. Don’t build a new home when you can buy an old one with architecture that harks back to a time when white culture dominated all others.
Addedum:
What is so appalling is that Annette you and your ilk want to use race as a justification for your own basis and personal failures. Grow up. Not everyone who doesn’t like you or doesn’t want to be around you is a racist. Maybe you just aren’t pleasant!
Have you ever thought that maybe White people want to save beautiful pieces craftsmanship instead of destorying it?Ever you been in an arts and craftsman bungelow? Or a beautiful Victoria that would come to life with tender care?
I can name numerous neighborhoods in my home town that were once wonderful places to live and raise families for people of any color. And now I wouldn’t walk thru them without an assult weapon due to the drugs, gangs and general violence. If I said that statement and then followed it up with this, “This all used to be white but are now black look at what happens when black people move in”you would scream “Racist”. I can point neighborhoods too where it was a battle ground and then the Hispanics won (over the blacks) and now it’s a becoming a place to be again. Not because of race it’s because of people wanting to take responsiblity and take care of want they and not using their race as an excuse for all their shortcomings.
Just one more comment, ever driven thru the projects in any major city?? I have. Those don’t start out that way, but they always end like Wayne Minor in KC.
http://www.pitch.com/2005-09-15/news/nowhere-to-hide/
Wanna know what’s REALLY racist?! Your idiotic assumption that Annette is black. This site is written by a white person. To poke fun at white people. Maybe Annette is yet another white person doing the same. Maybe she’s a white person who really thinks what she wrote. Either way, you just exposed yourself, Jeannine (that’s another of those names that could be a white woman or a black woman born in the 50s, like Annette).
God, some people….
Wow Jeannine,
Haven’t you ever heard of irony?? God, you must be such a drag to hang out with.
I don’t believe this is a racial issue. I only read this because I found the tag line interesting. Maybe us whitey’s want to renovate homes because we I don’t know..some of us don’t want to destory even more good crop ground and don’t see a reason to throw away things such as a whole neighborhood because it has become some what out dated or run down.
Every race of people seeks out where they are comfortable.
Bunch of racists comments on this site and just because you are black doesn’t make them any less racist!
Jeannine,
This sight is a spoof. As a white guy, I find it hilarious. BTW, I just renovated my 1920′s home but only after an 88,000 lb tree took it out and almost killed me in my sleep.
Jeff in Memphis
I pooped my pants
Pages: « 11 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 [1] Show All