Stuff White People Like

Regardless if you are vegetarian, vegan, or just guilty about eating meat, all white people love Sushi.  To them, it’s everything they want: foreign culture, expensive, healthy, and hated by the ‘uneducated.’

But there are different levels of white person Sushi love.  At the bottom are the spicy tuna/california roll eaters.  These are the people who get their fix at places named “Rock And Roll!” “Magic Sushi Company,” or Trader Joes-type supermarkets. Often times, this sushi isn’t the most authentic, but white people can’t get enough!

The next level up is the entry level Sushi snob, these are people who still love rolls, but are willing to branch out to Salmon and Tuna sashimi, maybe even eel.

Finally, you have the white sushi snob.  These people just take it all way too far.  Often times, they will only sit at the sushi bar, will try to order in Japanese and will only order Omakase.  These people will often be extremely critical of anyone who eats a roll of any type or does not properly flip the nighiri into their mouths.

When white people get Sushi they all want to order Sake to complete the authentic experience.

So, how can this information be turned into personal gain?

White people are obsessed with finding good sushi, therefore if you offer to take them to ‘the best sushi place’ in town, you are sure to have them accept.  If you are asian man, this is an almost no-fail method of getting dates with white girls, and maybe, just maybe joining Bruce Lee and Paul Kariya’s dad.

In addition, going out for Sushi is considered a special evening in white person culture.  Not as special as breakfast, but still, it comes with expectations.

But what if the person you are interested in is a vegetarian?  Not a problem.  For some reason, most white people who say they are vegetarians will eat Sushi.  Apparently, fish aren’t cute enough to warrant inclusion with pigs, chickens and cows.