Stuff White People Like

Pee pee PENIS!

The problem with the theater is that most of it is awful. That’s an easy statement to make, of course, since most plays are done by shitty high school/college programs, community theaters, and artsy-fartsy “experimental” drama companies. Sure, some of those shows are good, but most of them suck. That said, let’s not kid ourselves. The vast majority of movies, TV shows, and books are really shitty too. I’m not saying this is a new phenomenon. I’m sure that’s always been the case to some extent. Generally speaking, we only happen to remember the good plays, books, and movies of the past (“good,” of course, being one of those pesky “relative” terms that, well… white people love identifying). But here’s the thing. There’s a big difference between watching a shitty play and watching a shitty movie. If you think back on all the movies you’ve ever seen in your life, you probably watched most of them either on TV, DVD/VHS, or nowadays streaming from a computer. In those instances, if the show sucks, you can turn it off or you can do something else and completely ignore it in the hope that you find something somewhat worthwhile halfway through it. Because of this, we’ve become all the more complacent about the shittiness of movies and televisions shows today. In short, we, for whatever reason, have come to accept that mindless entertainment has a place in our lives. I’m not trying to say that’s a good thing, but, for many people, it’s simply a fact.

That being said, the charm of going to a play, for many people, is that, at the very least, it is not intended (by the persons producing the play) to be mindless entertainment. It’s intended (whether or not they managed to make good on that intention) to be a thought-provoking reflection upon the human experience. If you choose to attend what is supposed to be a serious work of drama (and especially if you choose to see the play for itself, not simply to support a friend involved in the production), you are going in with the same mindset that one would have when watching, for example, The Godfather or some other great work of film. The problem is that, as said, most plays suck. The Godfather never fails. It never stops being really fucking awesome. You just don’t have that same assurance when going to a play. Sure, you’d like that assurance (especially given the steep ticket prices), but most plays will fall short in one way or another.

Combine this with the insufferable length of some plays, the forced stoic silence among audience members, and the cramped sitting arrangements, you may very well be in for a truly miserable evening when you go to a play (statistically speaking). This is made all the worse by the fact that you can’t turn a play off if it sucks, and, unlike going to the movies, you certainly can’t freely snicker with your friends while watching it, unless you want to be a contemptible asshole. Of course, it’s always the worst when it’s not just a bad play, but a bad play in which a close friend was involved. First, you can’t really walk out in the middle of it without creating serious awkwardness. Then, when the play is over, you are forced to blow sunshine up your friend’s ass and tell them how great they were (even if they were awful). That can get really awkward really quickly, especially if you are bad at bullshitting.

Conceding all of that, it is very important to acknowledge that there are some absolutely amazing plays out there. Some of the most important works of literature are works of drama, and, if you’re lucky enough to see a truly great play, it really is an amazing experience. There’s nothing like actually being able to lose yourself in a great show. In fact, because you are face-to-face with the actors and because anything can happen amidst the spontaneity of the moment, I would posit that seeing a truly great play is a far, far more rewarding experience than seeing a truly great movie. Because of this, I’d also posit that, after all is said and done, its worth sitting through a few bad shows (to an extent) in an effort to find a great theatrical experience. I happen to be a playwright, so perhaps I’m biased. My point is only that I understand why so many people hate going to plays, but I would also encourage those same people to not write off plays altogether.

Of course, I understand that many of you might have already decided to stick to movies and TV (even while conceding that most movies and TV shows are just as shitty as the shittiest plays out there). However, for those of you who haven’t given up on theater quite yet (but may be quickly losing patience), I’d recommend you hedge your bets. See a professional (or conservatory) production, if your town has a professional company or a legit conservatory. You might also want to choose a vetted play, like Long Day’s Journey Into Night, A Doll’s House, Death of a Salesman, or Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf. Read the reviews first, if you have a credible reviewer in town. Chances are, if you do that, you’ll see a great play sooner than later. Then, after that experience, you’ll see why people like me are willing to risk several evenings out of their lives on plays. My apologies for being a long-winded bastard. Many thanks to anyone that actually read all of this. I hope you didn’t find it a total waste of your time.

Have you ever seen a mel brooks theater production. Funniest Jew i know.

[...] people go to plays Here’s one answer.  Who knew?  (Thanks to Adam for the [...]

i have been performing in plays since i was a kid.
when i look out into the crowd, its a sea of white, every night.
i think the argument isnt whether or not theatre(er) or plays are any good, its just that white folks really like it. and from my experience, it doesnt matter if its good. white folks come anyway.
theres a guy i work with, says, ‘theyre here because it hurts. and if it hurts, they think its good for them.’
thats white alright!
ps
theatre(er) geeks: please stop defending us. you make us look worse (we already look bad).

Not even close to the majority of white people like plays. Most have never even seen a play.

Theatre has been around for thousands of years…literally since the dawn of recorded history. Although I am enjoying pretty much every entry in this blog, it is absurd to suggest that only contemporary “hip” white people patronize the theatre.

There is a lot of shitty theatre out there; there is a lot of great theatre out there. In Baltimore there is a huge presence of non-white and non-American theatre-makers.

As you may have guessed, I have an “arts” degree in theatre. I am passionate about theatre. Before television or film, theatre was a huge part of mass enertainment. With the advent of those mediums as well as the internet, the live performance is still figuring out its new place in society.

Also, it’s generally accepted in the theatre community that the art form is spelled “theatre” and the location is spelled “theater”. You may call it a neologism, but for people who (frankly) know what the hell they’re talking about this is common usage.

Stay too cool for teh Internetz!

[...] Plays [...]

[...] friends that I never get to see anymore was walking to a tutoring job on that block. He’s a playwright by the way. So, once again, Player of the D.A.Y. [...]

Bobby-

anon is right. A theatre may be a building in England, but in the States, it’s the institution, the artform, the “magic,” if you will.

And for the record, if you’ve ever seen good, solid theatre, you know that it’s both an instructional and emotional artform. I love explosions and boobies and car chases as much as the next guy (hell, I DO film), but a mass-produced, packaged entertainment reel just ain’t an adequate substitute every time for the commitment of human beings giving you everything they’ve got right in front of your face.