#46 The Sunday New York Times
January 31, 2008 by clander
Mornings are exceptionally important to white people, as witnessed by their love of breakfast places. However, some white people never go out for breakfast on a Sunday Morning. The reason? The Sunday edition of the New York Times.
A perfect white sunday generally works like this. Wake up at around 8:45, if the paper is delivered, then one walks to the front door, retrieves the paper and begins a pot of coffee. If the paper is not delivered, a white person will go out and usually buy the supplies needed for breakfast – bagels, orange juice, lox, cream cheese, or waffle mix. Some white people even pick up freshly brewed coffee with the paper!
Once coffee, food, and the newspaper have been procured, white people put on extra mellow music (Jazz, Classical, or for the cooler ones in the bunch, ambient trip hop or something along those lines). They then procede to read each section of the paper, stopping periodically to tell their partner about the interesting news they have just seen. “Looks like another civil war might break out in Africa,” “did you see that the Met is doing Tristan and Isolde?”
White couples usually fight over who gets to read the Sunday Magazine first. How do we know this? They will tell us repeatedly about how they always fight over the Sunday magazine.
The secret you may not know, is that deep down, all white people are desperately trying to make their life seem like an ad for a Sub Zero refrigerator, or an article in Gourmet/Bon Appetit magazine. To achieve either of these goals will set white people at ease.
But note well, that the sports section will always remain perfectly creased and unread, unless they have a teenage son. So on Monday morning, if you need to impress your coworkers, choose to talk about something you read in the Book Review section, the magazine, or Sunday Style.
All white people are expected to do this. You are given an exemption during your early college years, but by age 22 it is pretty much law.
Photo by Katherine Mackenzie
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let me point you in the right direction: THE WALL STREET JOURNAL.
The white people described come to life in those amazingly smug NY Times commercials. Annoying white people (or light skinned blacks who look like they could attend Lincoln Center festivals) in their neatly decorated Upper East side condos, expressing what the Sunday Times means in their lives. Paul Krugman. Maureen Dowd. Fran Rich. The art reviews. The NY Times crossword puzzle.
“Isn’t it great being an urban progressive”.
Those “urban progressives” will starve to death waiting for my subscription.
or in london, THE OBSERVER
LOL I saw this site on http://www.DanielDickey.com and I must admit it’s just as funny!!
yes,new york times.
If i were to start a blog called “stuff black people like” or “stuff asian people like” than I would be racist. Reverse racism, anyone??
there was one already made, it was called “stuff educated black people like”, no longer active unfortunately it was funny as hell too. so shut up about reverse racism, you nerd
wtf is reverse racism anyway. racism is racism no matter what, and this website isn’t racism at all, its self depreciating humor.
Uh, that’s self DEPRECATING, not depreciating…although that does sort-of work too. Sorry to correct you, but I’m so white I can’t help myself.
Both those sites you mentioned already exist. Everything I’ve read on this blog is good-natured and fun. None of it is hateful. Anyway, white people making fun of white people is more self-conscious than racist.
There is no such thing as racism towards white people, anybody making fun of whites just wants to be white a little more than the rest of them.
it’s funny. get over it.
by the way, the only people concerned with racism are people like you who look at sites with names like “Stuff White People Like” just to judge others. you must be a white person.
oh, lighten up “amy” if that is your real name. Don’t read it if it hits too close to home. Anyway, don’t be a moron. Have a good day.
i use the newspapers– all sections since they are swill, for training my puppy.
she defecates on the business sections/front page and the “news” sections including the pervert pop star, or another infidelity scandal from our esteemed trustworthy “politicians.”
very few read newspapers, sorta like the diaper man, or a cobbler. On life support gasping for air.
I would call that animal cruelty. I tell the douchebags peddling that fascist leftwingnut propaganda door to door that, I wouldn’t insult my parrot by lining his cage with it.
I used to look forward to reading newspapers as a child in the 1980’s when the L.A. times (really boring), the Riverside Press-Enterprise (really lame) and the defunct Indio Daily News (bought by the owner, the Desert Sun) made it fun to read the paper on a nice sunday morning. Kids seem to go to the comics first or the weather page, while my parents when we had a pet bird kept the classifieds or unwanted sections…for obvious reasons. +
Yeah, to shove the paper and that damn bird up your ass. Pay what you owe beeeeotch.
Wow, I’m a 14 year old Dominican girl and I live in an”ethnic” neighborhood and I think I act like a white person. I bring the New York Times with me to school so I have something to do at lunch. One of the differences between me and white people is that I don’t brag about any of the stuff which I see is a important factor in all this and I can’t stand Macs they suck.
you cant act “white”, you can only be white if your a true pure white, like me.
are they still in business??–who reads or cares about newspapers? half the crap they write about is biased, obsessing about homosexuals, anti-military, anti-cop, and loving illegal mexicans–and they wonder why they are dying. How dumb white people. enjoy the titanic.
They aren’t in the news business anymore, they are just propaganda rags.
Amanda.. move to Iran. They’d love you.
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