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Archive for January, 2008

#31 Snowboarding

If one would like to meet a lot of white people, one of your best bets would be to go on a Snowboarding trip. Snowboarding is the practice of skiing sideways on one ski. White people love snowboarding as opposed to basketball or football because there is a sense that it is an alternative sport [...]

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#30 Wrigley Field

One of the best things someone can do to gain the respect and trust of a white person, is to attend a baseball game with them at Wrigley Field, the home of the Chicago Cubs. When most people think of the Chicago Cubs they think of tradition, ivy covered walls, Fergie Jenkins & Harry Caray. [...]

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#29 80s Night

If you ever find yourself wanting to take your relationship with white people to the next level, one of the best places to meet a potential partner is at any 80s night event in your local city. White people cannot get enough of 80s music, partially out of nostalgia, and partially since it was the [...]

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#28 Not Having a TV

The number one reason why white people like not having a TV is so that they can tell you that they don’t have a TV. On those lonely nights when white people wish they could be watching American Idol, Lost, or Grey’s Anatomy, they comfort themselves by thinking of how when people talk about the [...]

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#27 Marathons

In life, there are certain milestones of physical activity that can define you.  A sub 5 second 40 yard dash, a 40 inch vertical leap and so forth.  To a white person, the absolute pinnacle of fitness is to run a marathon.  Not to win, just to run. White people will train for months, telling [...]

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Often times if you ask a white person about where to travel, you will get a lot of responses. But if you ask them about New York, white people will go nuts. They love the city universally and all either live there, have lived there, will live there or want to live there. White people [...]

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#25 David Sedaris

For many of you, this post will be a confusing as you wonder who exactly this David Sedaris is. He is a humorist who writes for the New Yorker and has seveal books including Barrel Fever and Holidays on Ice. His stuff is kind of funny, but white people go crazy and will pay hundreds [...]

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#24 Wine

There are a lot of cultures that like wine, but the way white people like wine is on a whole different level. Within white culture, you are expected to know what a good wine is, what wine is not acceptable to like, and the names of prominent wine growing regions. But because there are thousands [...]

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#23 Microbreweries

White people don’t like stuff that’s easy to acquire.  Beer is no exception. They generally try to avoid beers like Budweiser, Labatt’s, Molson, Coors, and Heineken because if it’s mass produced it is bad.  No exceptions. So when they need a beer, they turn to microbrews who seem to be located almost exclusively in New [...]

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#22 Having Two Last Names

In recent years, white people love giving their children two last names.   This is a direct result of white women thinking it’s sexist and outdated to take on their husband’s name.  It is also sexist that the child would only carry the name of one parent, especially since the unnamed parent is the one who [...]

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It’s no secret.  White people want to be writers.  Why wouldn’t they? Work 10 hours a week from a country house in Maine or England.  Get called a genius by other white people, and maybe get your book made into a film. Every single white person harbors this dream.  No matter what they tell you, [...]

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White people are pretty conflicted about their culture.  On one hand, they are proud of the art, literature, and film produced by white culture.  But at the same time, they are very ashamed of all the bad things in white culture: the KKK, colonialism, slavery, Jim Crow laws, feudalism, and the treatment of native americans. [...]

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#19 Traveling

White person travelling can be broken into two categories – First World and Third World. First world is Europe and Japan, and man, this travel is not only beloved but absolutely essential in their development as white people. Every white person takes at least one trip to Europe between the ages of 17-29. During this [...]

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#18 Awareness

An interesting fact about white people is that they firmly believe that all of the world’s problems can be solved through “awareness.”  Meaning the process of making other people aware of problems, and then magically someone else like the government will fix it. This belief allows them to feel that sweet self-satisfaction without actually having [...]

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This topic ties into a number of other posts, but there is no denying that white people hate their parents. What is amazing, is that as a white parent, there is nothing you can do to prevent this. If you are a strict parent who makes your kid have a curfew, do homework, and not [...]

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