#48 Whole Foods and Grocery Co-ops
February 3, 2008 by clander
White people need organic food to survive, and where they purchase this food is as important as what they purchase. In modern white person culture, Whole Foods has replaces churches and cathedrals as the most important and relevant buildings in the community.
There are some regions that do not have Whole Foods, but do have an abundance of white people (college towns), in these situations Whole Foods can be substituted with a local co-op grocery store where you have to pay a membership to shop there.
All of these stores are pretty much the same – lots of vegetables, grain fed free range meat and eggs, and soy everything. They are also characterized by an outrageously large section of vitamins, supplements, and natural oils. There are natural, handmade soaps which give these stores a unique and uniform smell.
Many white people consider shopping at Whole Foods to be a religious experience, allowing them feel good about their consumption. The use of paper bags, biodegradable packaging, and the numerous pamphlets outlining the company’s police on hormones, genetically modified food and energy savings. This is in spite of the fact that Whole Foods is a profit driven-publicly traded corporation that has wisely discovered that making white people feel good about buying stuff is outrageously profitable.
As you walk through Whole Foods/Co-op you will see white people pushing carts buying things like Flaxseed Oil, wine, Tofu versions of meat, and organic kohlrabi. They also provide prepared foods, that single white people often purchase to avoid cooking.
This is important information, as this section of the store is loaded with single white people.
These stores are excellent for bringing children, as there is nothing that they actually want.
“Oh, mommy, look chocolate!”
“No Joshua, that’s carob.”
“I want it.”
“Ok.”
The child will then take a bite and realize that nothing in the store can be trusted.
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[...] Boise Co-Op (before you go there, read this [...]
sure….a white guy uses white people as a title, you get offended…explain the NAACP, BLack History Month, etc…
double standards suck
There is a total double standard. Imagine having a network called “White Entertainment Television” instead of “Black Entertainment Television”. Other then the acronym being ridiculous, people would totally be offended yet no one is offended by B.E.T.
Hey Jennifer! Did it ever occur to you that BET was started to help increase the entertainment opportunites for blacks. I mean, for years blacks had a VERY hard time trying to even get a foot in the door. Also, there are several WETs (white entertainment television) statations; they are CBS (colorless broadcasting system), NBC (nothing but caucaisuns) , and finally ABC (anything but colored). And there you have it, you guys have YOUR OWN! Also, in addition, I would just like to say that white people have a million man march every single day-its called Congress.
OH right, I forgot this addition: That the president elect is AFRICAN AMERICAN
When did promoting womanizing, prostitution, crime and drug use turn in to “entertainment opportunities”? BTW, you are racist.
i just have to say that i am white and i think people who say that there is a double standard are ridiculous. first of all, whites are priveledged and its obvious. they get higher wages, don’t get racially profiled, and don’t have to deal with being treated as a minority. blacks are not only mistreated and looked down upon by plenty of racist people, but they have been mistreted in this country since the beginning. giving them a television channel, a black history month, etc. is well deserved considering everything they have had to go through and continue to go through.
So Nicole, tell me again why we can’t have WET then? Let go of the white guilt, Sweetie.
We do have a WET…its called CMT.
Ever see a garden behind a Whole Foods? No, but there are plenty of WF tractor trailers on the highways. What a farce…
The only reason to use these places, yet a very compelling reason:
-it’s not WalMart
-You don’t have to wait in line behind some dumbass paying with a NSF check
-It’s like going to the nicer movie theater: Sure the movie is the same, but paying a little more not to be near some crack whore with TB is somehow worth it.
-There’s less old people.
-Usually the women are hotter.
-Usually the clerks speak english.
Other than that…I guess it’s all the same.
It’s called Snob Appeal, Kopachi, and you — being a snob –have obviously bought into it, which is pathetic. Whole Foods has done a masterful job of playing to white people’s pretensions.
Your life is pathetic lmaozzz
don’t forget about the reusable grocery bags! especially the ones made from natural/recycled fibers. they’re key to bring home all of your organic foods!
i think its funny that people can really get offended by this (another thing white people love). i mean really you all know pretty much everything on this website is true. He’s not being offensive, he’s just telling the truth. i think its really funny because if you read the comments they almost all involve things that white people love. grammar, being offended, liking other ethnicity’s. i just find that all you’re all doing is proving him right and backing him up. HAHAHAHA!
*ethinicities dumbass
I’m going out on a limb here, does anyone remember learning to spell, punctuate or capitalize?
We don’t care…we don’t judge people on grammer. What are you, like 90 years old?
No but we do judge them on grammar. Baka!
What a stupid website. White people (like all the other colors) like a variety of things. I own a food company and spend hours upon hours at Whole Foods doing demos. While there are plenty of whites at WF, I run into many blacks, asians, and latinos. I meet peole from all over the world as well.
Don’t really understand satire, do you?
Oh please (at least in the L.A area) lotsa ethnicities shop there. Yeah it is kinda expensive but depending on what you want to eat, price is not an issue.
If I go back to a regular supermarket I am kinda apalled at the produce section-you don’t know where it all came from or how far it was shipped-but that’s a typical corporation for you-don’t question anything, just buy our products and give us the money.
Jl, you are right about the quality of food. This summer, while at a music festival in upstate NY, we met an organic farm owner who told us his small 300 acre farm sells produce , locally to Whole Foods. It was cool to hear that, especially since we shop at the Ridgewood, NJ store. Furthermore, to respond to meeting people at WF, my husband undoughtedly swears that the women who shop at WH, are much HOTTER then those that shop at the other grocery chains. I think he’s probably right. They are fit, health conscious, and recyclers-bearing their recycable, re-usable bags. I like to shop there for the vegetarian, hard-to-find stuff, but I have to admit that I also eat Lucky Charms for breakfast sometimes,that I bought at the A&P.
[...] became a little concerned when we realized Sheen is in league with Whole Paycheck, the white people-approved grocery store chain best known for crushing smaller competition, poisoning people with faux-organic [...]
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