#48 Whole Foods and Grocery Co-ops
February 3, 2008 by clander
White people need organic food to survive, and where they purchase this food is as important as what they purchase. In modern white person culture, Whole Foods has replaces churches and cathedrals as the most important and relevant buildings in the community.
There are some regions that do not have Whole Foods, but do have an abundance of white people (college towns), in these situations Whole Foods can be substituted with a local co-op grocery store where you have to pay a membership to shop there.
All of these stores are pretty much the same – lots of vegetables, grain fed free range meat and eggs, and soy everything. They are also characterized by an outrageously large section of vitamins, supplements, and natural oils. There are natural, handmade soaps which give these stores a unique and uniform smell.
Many white people consider shopping at Whole Foods to be a religious experience, allowing them feel good about their consumption. The use of paper bags, biodegradable packaging, and the numerous pamphlets outlining the company’s police on hormones, genetically modified food and energy savings. This is in spite of the fact that Whole Foods is a profit driven-publicly traded corporation that has wisely discovered that making white people feel good about buying stuff is outrageously profitable.
As you walk through Whole Foods/Co-op you will see white people pushing carts buying things like Flaxseed Oil, wine, Tofu versions of meat, and organic kohlrabi. They also provide prepared foods, that single white people often purchase to avoid cooking.
This is important information, as this section of the store is loaded with single white people.
These stores are excellent for bringing children, as there is nothing that they actually want.
“Oh, mommy, look chocolate!”
“No Joshua, that’s carob.”
“I want it.”
“Ok.”
The child will then take a bite and realize that nothing in the store can be trusted.
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I love how people take offense to this… “Big Time Lousy”? I am not even sure that is a joke? Is it supposed to be amusing? It is nowhere near as funny as this hilarious blog… And dear God, what would make a person think this site is “promoted by Whole Foods” … I hope this person (Rene Mendez) is sterile…
I also have to wonder how many books Rene has sold, my guess is that she has sold none… She probably hasn’t read any books either…
[...] Whole Foods, known for its socially conscious clientèle, should add Scuppies — Socially Conscious Upwardly Mobile Persons — to the top of its [...]
This is hilarious, and the rest of you should lighten up! If you can’t laugh, you are taking yourselves WAY too seriously!
Tell me? What kind of title is “The stuff white people like”.
Of all lousy titles, especially promoted by Whole Foods. I find offensive!!
Here is a title for you “BIG TIME LOUSY” Use somewhat of an imagination.
For your BLOG TITLE.
Whole Foods haters might like my list of things wrong with Whole Foods: http://michaelbluejay.com/misc/wholefoods.html
But I’m not sure how correct it is to list WF as “something that white people like,” given that most white people don’t shop at Whole Foods. WF has a tiny share of the market compared to traditional grocery stores. That’s where most white people shop.
Sure, WF’s clientele is mostly white, but that doesn’t mean that most white people shop there. You know, most cheerleaders are girls, but that doesn’t mean most girls are cheerleaders. So maybe we should list WF as “a place non-white people don’t go”?
nice
[...] Bars (hmmm interesting how they don’t publish ingredients list on the website…maybe a Whole Foods run is in order) to the office tomorrow, but my advice for anyone feeling extra jubilant is to go to [...]
“grain-fed free range meat and eggs”…anyone who knows true organic, humanely raised meat knows that cows are not made to eat grain…they eat grass and chickens are meant to eat bugs with a few seeds…not CORN…organic or not, get real people. Organic beef may be given hormones…it is allowed, the antibiotics are not. Unless you raise it yourself or know the person/farm it was raised on, chances are you are getting exactly what you don’t want!!!
quit your crying…
Humanity is terrified of change. Organic is the latest demonic concept. Please read more science and open your eyes to a natural existence.
I think this site is bull crap. If you thought for a second about what crap you were ingesting into the only body God gave you mabe you would wouldn’t make ignorant comments like the ones above. God never intended for us to eat amimal flesh riddled with antibiotics and mad cow disease just to mention a couple of gross things in your MEAT. So dont make comments about putting whole foods before church and cathedrals. Just do a little research to find out why young women get periods so early in life, or why some kids get ADD, how bout why so many people are lactose intolerant {namely African Americans}, then tell me I pay too much for fresh, untampered with fruits and vegetables! Race my dear friend, has nothing to do with it!
Why are you so offended. Also, if race has nothing to do with it then why bring up African Americans?
The reaction this gets out of the Whole Foods crowd makes me think that even they know on some level how retarded it is to overpay for items simply because they toss around words like “organic” which have become simple marketing terms.
I just heard Whole Foods will soon be carrying Andy Capp Cheese Fries. Can anyone confirm this?
Well said sir.
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