#48 Whole Foods and Grocery Co-ops
February 3, 2008 by clander
White people need organic food to survive, and where they purchase this food is as important as what they purchase. In modern white person culture, Whole Foods has replaces churches and cathedrals as the most important and relevant buildings in the community.
There are some regions that do not have Whole Foods, but do have an abundance of white people (college towns), in these situations Whole Foods can be substituted with a local co-op grocery store where you have to pay a membership to shop there.
All of these stores are pretty much the same – lots of vegetables, grain fed free range meat and eggs, and soy everything. They are also characterized by an outrageously large section of vitamins, supplements, and natural oils. There are natural, handmade soaps which give these stores a unique and uniform smell.
Many white people consider shopping at Whole Foods to be a religious experience, allowing them feel good about their consumption. The use of paper bags, biodegradable packaging, and the numerous pamphlets outlining the company’s police on hormones, genetically modified food and energy savings. This is in spite of the fact that Whole Foods is a profit driven-publicly traded corporation that has wisely discovered that making white people feel good about buying stuff is outrageously profitable.
As you walk through Whole Foods/Co-op you will see white people pushing carts buying things like Flaxseed Oil, wine, Tofu versions of meat, and organic kohlrabi. They also provide prepared foods, that single white people often purchase to avoid cooking.
This is important information, as this section of the store is loaded with single white people.
These stores are excellent for bringing children, as there is nothing that they actually want.
“Oh, mommy, look chocolate!”
“No Joshua, that’s carob.”
“I want it.”
“Ok.”
The child will then take a bite and realize that nothing in the store can be trusted.
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Funny.
Call this African-American family of six Whole Foods heads. Sure, we could save $2000 per month if we shopped at the crappy Safeway or Giant Food or even the (GASP) Wal*Mart!
The scary thing is we’re not the only sisters or brothers running around the Whole Foods Marketplace. Check out the vast number of people who don’t want to keep taking conventional medicines and wanting a more natural approach to health, you’re finding those people more and more aligning themselves to the Whole Foods brand
Hahahahaha. Shopping at Whole Foods is “refined” consumption. Here in Los Angeles, you will find a little Tyrone begging for some tofu sausage too! The crowd at those stores is quite varied. You should really give it a try!
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1. Whole foods is way too expensive and the economy is bad.
2. especially since I’m a grad student , whole foods is way too expensive.
3. I live in California and Trader Joe’s, Food Maxx, Costco, and the Rainbow Grocery Outlet are cheaper.
4. You can get organic food at all of the stores I just named off, you just have to read the labels. Reading labels requires patience.
5. When I was not in school and I had a GREAT job, I NEVER shopped at Whole foods. Why? Back then I thought it was too expensive.
6. I have advised all of my white friends to not shop at Whole Foods, and they took my advice because I am their token non-white friend.
7. Since I have street cred, those white friends who took my grocery advice seriously and are now saving LOTS of money.
8. My white friends and I are not overweight, do not have cancer or any other ailments and we do not shop at Whole Foods. You can live without it.
Dude, I dont shop there out of blah blah blah trying to be green or whatnot, the food just taste way better because its less processed, kraft singles vs aged cheddar
I am a hispanic vegan who lives in a very rural area of southeastern Colorado. During the winter when the produce stands are closed I would rather drive an hour and a half to Whole Foods than shop at Wal-Mart which is the only “grocer” near my town.
Could it just be that white people have taste?
Enjoy your KFC.
1- i would like to say HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA – funny cause its true…of course not about ALL white people- (i dont think its ment to be an adjective about the entire race, but rather to be an adjective singling out the “white”-white people of the race??? (MAYBE??) – if that makes sense
2- and this is in reply to zena – whoa – i dont like whole foods either, but i dont think they have ever stated anywhere that they are the “goddam holy grail” it seems like its their “holy-er than thou” “white” people that give them that complex?- again not sure if that makes any sense.
3- PEOPLE CALM DOWN AND LAUGH ITS JUST A FREEKIN BOOK- Your the ones that give it power- (just like whole foods btw) by gettin all angry, if you know it aint true about you, than take the crap with a grain of salt and LAUGH!
Yeah, but so much of whole foods is like vegetarian, gluten-free, dairy-free, dietary restriction food. Just shopping there I feel like I’m taking up a handicap parking space, I mean what if I buy the last macrobiotic donut and some poor starving macrobiotic schlep happens to come in right after me in a big macrobiotic-donut-craving fit. There could be a bloodbath!! have you ever seen an angry Macrobiotic? trust me all that denial and pent-up frustration…when it finally get’s released, it’s not pretty…
Got to give it to um… May not be big on Hot dogs and Chili but they got a damn good selection of Beer!!!
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