#48 Whole Foods and Grocery Co-ops
February 3, 2008 by clander
White people need organic food to survive, and where they purchase this food is as important as what they purchase. In modern white person culture, Whole Foods has replaces churches and cathedrals as the most important and relevant buildings in the community.
There are some regions that do not have Whole Foods, but do have an abundance of white people (college towns), in these situations Whole Foods can be substituted with a local co-op grocery store where you have to pay a membership to shop there.
All of these stores are pretty much the same – lots of vegetables, grain fed free range meat and eggs, and soy everything. They are also characterized by an outrageously large section of vitamins, supplements, and natural oils. There are natural, handmade soaps which give these stores a unique and uniform smell.
Many white people consider shopping at Whole Foods to be a religious experience, allowing them feel good about their consumption. The use of paper bags, biodegradable packaging, and the numerous pamphlets outlining the company’s police on hormones, genetically modified food and energy savings. This is in spite of the fact that Whole Foods is a profit driven-publicly traded corporation that has wisely discovered that making white people feel good about buying stuff is outrageously profitable.
As you walk through Whole Foods/Co-op you will see white people pushing carts buying things like Flaxseed Oil, wine, Tofu versions of meat, and organic kohlrabi. They also provide prepared foods, that single white people often purchase to avoid cooking.
This is important information, as this section of the store is loaded with single white people.
These stores are excellent for bringing children, as there is nothing that they actually want.
“Oh, mommy, look chocolate!”
“No Joshua, that’s carob.”
“I want it.”
“Ok.”
The child will then take a bite and realize that nothing in the store can be trusted.
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I love Trader Joe’s!
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Trader Joe’s FTW!
Amen!
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I worked for Whole Foods at the end of its Golden Age- the late 90′s. While I did enjoy some of the benefits of this Golden Age (profit-sharing, laid back dress code, etc…), I was also forced to witness Whole Foods corruption from the inside. A bunch of noveau rich took control of the middle management and gentrified the company.
I remember the days when green-haired freaks wearing Dead Kennedys t-shirts tended the registers… now its just regular people. Good-bye bonuses and stock options, hello dress code.
Ultimately, I think their main spiel was using a hippy-inspired ‘lets save the world’ work ethic to convince their employees to bust ass for peanuts. Thankfully, I’ve moved on to much better employment.
None of the people that work there (I have TWO Whole Foods closeby) seem happy. They never smile or interact. I’m sure you don’t miss it.
I remember when Whole Foods was Wild Oats–that was only two years ago! It was expensive then, and it is now, but only the selection has only gone down-hill with the takeover by a larger corporation. Trust me, if you sincerely want to eat healthy and save a buck, either Trader Joe’s or the organic section of your average supermarket. The rest is just bourgie snootiness.
whole foods is just like wal-mart but with fancy stuff. don’t be fooled. they want to take over the world just like every other corporation.
whole foods is just like wal-mart but with fancy stuff. don’t be fooled. they want to take over the world just like every other corporation.
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