#48 Whole Foods and Grocery Co-ops
February 3, 2008 by clander
White people need organic food to survive, and where they purchase this food is as important as what they purchase. In modern white person culture, Whole Foods has replaces churches and cathedrals as the most important and relevant buildings in the community.
There are some regions that do not have Whole Foods, but do have an abundance of white people (college towns), in these situations Whole Foods can be substituted with a local co-op grocery store where you have to pay a membership to shop there.
All of these stores are pretty much the same – lots of vegetables, grain fed free range meat and eggs, and soy everything. They are also characterized by an outrageously large section of vitamins, supplements, and natural oils. There are natural, handmade soaps which give these stores a unique and uniform smell.
Many white people consider shopping at Whole Foods to be a religious experience, allowing them feel good about their consumption. The use of paper bags, biodegradable packaging, and the numerous pamphlets outlining the company’s police on hormones, genetically modified food and energy savings. This is in spite of the fact that Whole Foods is a profit driven-publicly traded corporation that has wisely discovered that making white people feel good about buying stuff is outrageously profitable.
As you walk through Whole Foods/Co-op you will see white people pushing carts buying things like Flaxseed Oil, wine, Tofu versions of meat, and organic kohlrabi. They also provide prepared foods, that single white people often purchase to avoid cooking.
This is important information, as this section of the store is loaded with single white people.
These stores are excellent for bringing children, as there is nothing that they actually want.
“Oh, mommy, look chocolate!”
“No Joshua, that’s carob.”
“I want it.”
“Ok.”
The child will then take a bite and realize that nothing in the store can be trusted.
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I love the store…..
This is totally Calorie Nazi:
http://youareamerica.wordpress.com/2009/07/19/calorie-nazi/
I’m happy to see that the owners of these companies have found ways to part fools with their money.
At least someone is getting a return on the taxes spent in social engineering that indoctrinate our youth in all levels of education with the Liberal religion.
Further the metaphor, the three scariest places to attempt to park a car for any White person are: Whole Foods/ Trader Joes (especially in Portland, OR), any sidearm-friendly Baptist Church and of course, the Gulfport, MS. or Hazleton, PA Super WalMart! My car’s a real piece of crap and did real well in the side impact IIHS crash tests and all, but just the image of hundreds of E-85 burning XC70, X5′s and Porsche Cayenne trying to re- enact the first three minutes of The Road Warrior (with latte- swilling, i-Phone texting moms afeared to smack the ravening little monsters blocking their view) backing into me at 45mph, in a free-range vegan feeding frenzy… Oh, the frigging HUMANITIES
this one made me laugh so hard… the part at the end… lovely
I WANT A MILLION DOLLARS!!! Can one million RICH WHITE PEOPLE send me one dollar apiece, puh-lease????
I don’t want money from any Asians, or Blacks or Hispanics. You guys NEED your money. I only want one dollar apiece from RICH WHITE PEOPLE who seem to WASTE their money on whole foods and grocery co-ops.
Waste it on me instead. Thanks so much! (First person who comments “You ARE a waste.” is a rotten egg. You thought it. I know you did. Stop lying. See? I knew it.)
http://thepighasacurlytail.wordpress.com/million-dollar-fund/
Your loser plan isnt going to work… study the game before you jump in.
FYI: Paper bags are no longer politically correct. You must choose one of the thousands of 99 cent bags that ride around in your car with you at all times. And if you are my husband, you would not think of taking a bag with the grocery store name on it into the drug store. How gouache! So add another bag to the collection–and try to remember to take one or two or three or four into the store with you so you don’t have to leave a full cart and trudge back into the parking lot to get the said bag.
Well i’m an African-American and i’m vegan and shop at Whole Paycheck (Whole Foods) every week. Actually about 90% of the stuff on this blog applies to me. This blog is more about liberal, yuppie, enviornmentalists than white people overall. Not one white person i knew came to mind while i was looking at the full list. Actually my friend Nia (also an African-American female who is vegetarian) and I came to mind. I live in New Orleans and both of the Whole Foods in the New Orleans area are full of health conscious black people.
lol this one is 100% right…
http://www.beabetterproducer.com
[...] 24. wine 32. vegan/vegetarianism 36. breakfast places 42. sushi 45. Asian fusion food 48. wholefoods and grocery co-ops 54. Kitchen gadgets 63. Expensive sandwiches 76. Bottles of water 90. Dinner parties 112. Hummus [...]
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