#48 Whole Foods and Grocery Co-ops
February 3, 2008 by clander
White people need organic food to survive, and where they purchase this food is as important as what they purchase. In modern white person culture, Whole Foods has replaces churches and cathedrals as the most important and relevant buildings in the community.
There are some regions that do not have Whole Foods, but do have an abundance of white people (college towns), in these situations Whole Foods can be substituted with a local co-op grocery store where you have to pay a membership to shop there.
All of these stores are pretty much the same – lots of vegetables, grain fed free range meat and eggs, and soy everything. They are also characterized by an outrageously large section of vitamins, supplements, and natural oils. There are natural, handmade soaps which give these stores a unique and uniform smell.
Many white people consider shopping at Whole Foods to be a religious experience, allowing them feel good about their consumption. The use of paper bags, biodegradable packaging, and the numerous pamphlets outlining the company’s police on hormones, genetically modified food and energy savings. This is in spite of the fact that Whole Foods is a profit driven-publicly traded corporation that has wisely discovered that making white people feel good about buying stuff is outrageously profitable.
As you walk through Whole Foods/Co-op you will see white people pushing carts buying things like Flaxseed Oil, wine, Tofu versions of meat, and organic kohlrabi. They also provide prepared foods, that single white people often purchase to avoid cooking.
This is important information, as this section of the store is loaded with single white people.
These stores are excellent for bringing children, as there is nothing that they actually want.
“Oh, mommy, look chocolate!”
“No Joshua, that’s carob.”
“I want it.”
“Ok.”
The child will then take a bite and realize that nothing in the store can be trusted.
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I’m skeptical of hating on whole foods. . . after all, asian grocery stores and latino grocery stores are full of “whole” foods—i.e. dried seasonings and fresh veggies. I get that it’s dumb for rich people to feel better about themselves because they shop at a certain store, especially when that store is almost as madly capitalist and industrially-farmed as the grocery stores they’re avoiding. . . but I worry that loads of poor people of color stick to their crappy sugar-filled and hydrogenated diets because of tradition or because they feel alienated by “white” eating habits. And then they wind up with diabetes and heart conditions at age 40 and pass these awful habits onto their kids. And that’s really fucked up.
I, too, find it messed up to see so many grotesquely obese people–people who love their local Vallarta (market in CA) for all the traditional “ethnic” fair it has. I find it messed up that people will feel so put off by just going to a regular supermarket because it has white people stuff there that by avoiding it they think they’ll be better off. If you’re stuffing crap into you’re body, I don’t care if you bought it at Ralphs or Vallarta or the traditional slop trough of your people, it’s still crap. If your child is 200lbs at age 8, the traditional slop isn’t doing any good–maybe you need to re-think the whole “white folks is crazy” thing.
I myself love crap. I try to throw in a little decent food from time to time, in an effort to offset the evil, but I still likes me some Jack in the Box–and large combo, no f*ing small, damn it! Now that’s white folk slop. Although I am only 130lbs (I’ll probably die of a heart attack in a few years–but hey, more people are living through them now, so one more Sirloin Melt won’t hurt).
“They also provide prepared foods, that single white people often purchase to avoid cooking.”
After working in the prepared food dept, I wholeheartedly agree on bashing people who shell out. The markup is incredible, just buy the damn Whole Foods cookbook already. But then…I’m not white…
Yep it’s true idiocy to work all week for money to pay for the things one wants. Yep, it’s better I should come tired and go to work in the kitchen making food, washing pots, pans, dishes and utensils when I could be sitting on the couch relaxing after either taking 10 minutes to put a prepared meal together or eating some takeout. Yep, convenience be damned, my money should go to save the sacred blue turtle or feed a kid with no head in Tanzania, not to a store which has food ready to go, that’s just wrong.
Also, only white folk like convenience. No brown folk ever patronize the frozen food or prepared food sections (in whatever market they shop). Damn us white people to hell: We like Stouffer’s Frozen Crud! God, I’m crying inside–but the new Bistro style panini is very tasty and in only 5 minutes.
Tee Hee
And, white people are the only people that email back for rsvps with lists of foods they won’t eat when you invite them over for dinner.
I think you should do a post on white people dinner parties or how white people eat single plates and don’t share at asian and indian restaurants. i hate going out for ethnic food with white people.
well most white people hate ethnic food so we’re even! Like I really want to share a plate some slob has been eating off of. Disgusting!
If someone RSVP’s me for a dinner invitation and is trying to set his or her own menu when they’ve been invited to my home, I’ll RSVP them right back saying the whole thing is off and they can go suck up a stump. If it’s a friend of mine I’ll already no if he or she has serious issues with one food or another and will have planned for it; if it’s an acquaintance he or she better have some deadly allergies to inform me of if they’re going to try and dictate what I’ll be serving in my own home.
Although, I haven’t a single occasion in my entire life where I’ve invited someone I really want in my home over for dinner and done it via email. Anyway, that’s just me. Wholefoods isn’t my spot and sharing food is just a part of being sociable; I don’t want someone stuffing their hands in my plate, but I have no problems sharing food across a table–in fact many places I’ve eaten, if you don’t get busy snagging food from the abundance in the middle you’ll end up with scraps, The only thing I hate is that if I am not hungry and am just along for the ride, I may just sit there and have a snack and drink some beer which some folks find insulting (What, you’re too good to eat with us?). Hey, I’ll eat on my own schedule, thank you very much; pay attention to your own stomach why don’t you?
One thing I notice is that white people like to have food allergies. They’re always allergic to either something really basic – like wheat gluten or really random things like isocarbonates, tannins and green m&m’s. I think they make up some of these allergies as a more controllable explanation for mood swings or whatever.
man Whole Foods is the new Mall for white hipsters, hippies, and yuppies.
Soon as a rapper mentions WF in a song,,,all the brothas will soon invade it and drive all the white people back to Safeway, Krogers, Bloom, and Publix….
Why? did it in the song By Torpedo Or Crohn’s
But that’s a white dude rapping. So i’m not sure if it counts.
white people LOVE trader joe’s. i worked there for a bit, until i was fired for choosing my education than cult Joe’s. wp would come into the store & yell “OMG I AM SO EXCITED YOU GUYS ARE IN ATLANTA NOW!!! I LOVE YOU GUY’S!!! I’M FROM L.A. & I HATE KROGER, I AM SOOOOO HAPPY YOU ARE HERE!!! HWERE IS THE CHUCK???” OMG!
That’s hilarious. I agree with most of it (the stuff it said about Whole Foods itself), but my wife and I (both white) shop at a natural food market that is small and independent. We believe in the Slow Food movement (www.slowfoodnation.com) and it’s principles. Whole Foods is full of it. They’re selling a lie, and everyone is buying it. We need to educate people on this. Communities do need at least one natural/organic grocery store, but it needs to be an independent/local business. A national chain, by definition, can’t deliver on what they’re promising. I’ve researched it quite a bit. Definitely check out the Slow Food website, and send anyone to it (if you agree with it) who you think needs to hear it.
It’s a complex issue, but I believe in this organic stuff because industrial agriculture is not only screwing up the people who eat it, it’s destroying the environment, and causing all kinds of very serious problems in other parts of the world that don’t even have these “Super Markets”.
I know this blog isn’t really about all that I’ve said, but it needed to be said.
Whole Foods is not selling a lie. What exactly is it that they lie about? Besides that….less than 300 stores does not constitute as a national chain supermarket. When you see one on every corner ( Wal Mart) then it’s a chain. You guys have no idea about what Whole Foods does. Where, who, they buy from etc. Not to mention ….they started the organic revolution you big dummies! They began in 1980 as a very small natural foods store. The only thing they did was grow bigger as the demand for natural and organic food made it’s presence. They support local farmers, give loans to small farmers in other countries ( mostly women) they support the green movement…hell they invented the organic and green industry. All of the other stores just copied them because they thought they could make money.
Ever been to Vancouver? Organic and health food is like water there, and has been since the 60′s and we have been buying fish off the fishing boats since I was a kid.
I’d rather shop at Whole Foods than Safeway or Loblaws etc. but they are not into local at all – at least in the community business way. They bought out all the Capers’ (local and organic health and hi-end grocery stores here) and shut the ones down that competed with their stores. Total Starbucks move – another thing we avoid here btw.
Whole Foods is a scam. They’re selling this idea of all-natural, sustainable foods. But the only way to get that is through the concept of Slow Food (www.slowfoodnation.com) which they absolutely do NOT adhere to. They’re selling a lie, and EVERYONE’S BUYING IT! Spread the word, and stop a WF from moving into your home town.
Do black people ever shop @ WF?!
The great carob scam! My ex-wife insisted not only on eating carob, but on having me do so as well. I think it was at that point the arrows started to point down. But then again, I did geek (i.e. non-white) studies and she studied philosophy, so what do you expect?
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