#49 Vintage
February 3, 2008 by clander
The love affair between white people and old stuff literally goes back for hundreds of years. In the older days, it was almost exclusively contained within the realm of furniture. While white people still love antiques, they don’t always fit so well with a modern lifestyle and kitchen.
Beginning in their late teens, white people begin an obsession with finding cool vintage clothing at local thrift shops and Goodwills. Making purchases at these locations address a number of white person needs.
First, it allows them to say “oh, this? I got this shirt at Goodwill for $3.” This statement focuses the attention on the shirt, taking attention away from the $350 jeans and $200 shoes. The white person can then retain that precious ‘indie’ cred.
Secondly, it allows a white person to have something that other white people don’t. This is an important consideration when trying to determine the worth and ranking of white people.
As white people get older, and the opportunities to wear a “Pittsburgh Special Olympics ’76″ T-shirt diminish, they must move their vintage fetish from clothes to furniture and knick knacks. For a post-30 white person, the mention of a ‘vintage stove’ or ‘vintage card catalog” can send their imaginations racing about how to incorporate it into their current home decor.
By having at least one vintage, unique piece of furniture in a room full of Ikea, white people can still tell themselves that they are unique and cooler than their friends.
When you enter a white person’s home, you should immediately search for anything not made by Ikea, Crate and Barrel or Athropologie. Upon finding such an item, you should ask “where did you get that? It’s really cool.” The white person will then tell you a story about how they acquired it, allowing them to feel cool and giving them a reminder about their fantastic taste.
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ahahaha this is so true. I love my vintage shit; you should make one specifically on record players and records.
I have a laser disc player and a collection of movies that I keep because the laser disc uses no compression and so there are no compression artefacts in the resulting picture. I have “braveheart”, “ET”, “Fantasia” (in the five side CAV collection), “the abyss” and “time bandits” in a japanese/english bilingual edition.
I assert my whiteness and superiority by showing how my enhanced sensibilities far outstrip the feeble reproductions of DVD’s, and further extend my whiteness by having a laserdisc of the Takanaka “rainbow goblins” concert.
Vintage, obscure, japanese
Marvel at my whiteness, less than pallid mortals!!!!!!!
what does pallid mean?
You’re so white I am surprised you even have a TV!
I’m white and I did go through a vintage period, back before many white people did, now it’s all expensive. White for saying that, I know. Lame.
stuffblackpeoplelike – eating watermelon! hahaha!!!
stuffarabpeoplelike – pumping oil! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike – gang warfare! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike – eating beans! hahaha!!!
stuffchinesepeoplelike – shooting heroin! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike – welfare! hahaha!!!
stuffjewishpeoplelike – keeping money! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike – wearing sombreros! hahaha!!!
stuffchinesepeoplelike – eating rice! hahaha!!!
stuffarabpeoplelike – kissing goats! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike – wearing sombreros! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike – sniffing glue! hahaha!!!
aren’t i funny and clever!!!
don’t you dare call me a racist!!!
Did you put this on all of the posts? I’ve seen it elsewhere. It looked retarded there too.
stuffyourtypeofpeoplelike – making an ass of themselves! hahaha!!
I call you stupid. Is that okay?
Yes you are a racist and have a small mind. Black people do not eat as much melon (and chicken!!!!) as white folk. Mexicans do not wear sombreros. But I have seen white folks driving the Prius. And they do love their breakfasts and vintage gear. What are living in the 1930s? Step into the 21st century why don’t you?
i dare to call you racist
And, don’t hate me, I’m going to get it too.
Again to my shame I saw that vintage retro antique repurposed bookcase and thought: “that’s just what I need for the bay window!”
You can be sure that the vintage item has progressed to not being hipster anymore when it, or an imitation of it, has begun being sold at Old Navy.
It was hip until then, but Old Navy adoption of ironic clothing is the sure sign that every 13 to 18-year-old middle-American, non-biking, non-Prius-driving white person has gotten wise to your irony.
It has become non-ironic and much to easy for anyone to get so now it’s time to move on to the next ironic trend.
Hey, if it wasn’t for Old Navy, Daffy’s, Filene’s Basement and Target, someone in my income bracket could never afford the “vintage” look! Unless of course, I brought it in a souk outside Tangiers, in Morocco, while working in the Peace Corps! Instant Cred, booyah!
Vintage diapers-especially USED-not so cool.
Hi-larious.
Sweet comment. So true! It will crush them almost as bad as saying their favorite author was selected for the Oprah book club.
HA HA HA HA HA!!! So true
If you want white person to hate you forever, tell them you saw their one-in-a-kind vintage t shirt thingie at target or even worse, walmart!!
Also, white people love shirts that say things …
I have a Boy Scouts of America T-shirt from the early 70s that is highly coveted by every white person that has ever seen it.
It’s white with red arm and neck bands and a nicely faded BSA logo and stripe across the chest.
Perfect.
I also have an orange T-shirt from 1981 that says something about the innagural flight of some Puerto Rican airline and is nice and tightly contoured to my torso.
This shirt has gotten me laid on more than one occasion, because white girls love it.
The best thing about it is the fact that I don’t know how it ended up in my wardrobe, which white people love to tell other white people: “Yeah, honestly, this shirt just somehow ended up in my collection. I have no idea where it came from.”
I WILL TRY THAT! UGH WHITE PEOPLE ARE SO ANNOYING.
White people are annoying?
Then why, pray tell, are you on a Web site called “Stuff white people like?”
Are you self-loathing, Sheila? (White people love that expression)
HAHA, yes they are, Sheila.
I pooped my pants
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