#51 Living by the water
February 4, 2008 by clander
It is hardly a secret that all white people love being near water. And why wouldn’t they? It has so many of the activities that they love to do: swimming, kayaking, canoeing, sailing, and it’s a perfect place to read next to.
But before we move on, let’s not gloss over that last point. White people love to be near a body of water so they can read a book, while sitting nearby. The process of reading is somehow heightened through the process of doing it near some water. Extreme reading!
But when you think long term, it’s important to realize that all white people either own/wish to own/plan to own/will own some sort of property near a body of water. Rather than say all white people want to live on the ocean, it’s important to break it up and apply it across the regions.
On the west coast, all white people want to live as close to the beach as possible. One look at the demographics for Manhattan Beach, Santa Monica, Hermosa Beach, Newport Beach, and Laguna Beach will reveal this fact through tangible numbers.
On the East Coast, many white people dream of owning ocean front property in New England, where they can make their lives as close as possible to a J. Crew catalog.
And in the landlocked states, the dream of lakefront property is alive and well.
It is also worth noting that often times, white people will purchase second homes near water if they cannot accommodate the dream in their own city. Often times they want to buy within driving distance, but the need for life near water is so great that they will even consider buying in other countries.
To a white person, a view of water from your house is the greatest achievement in life. And you should remember this when discussing your hopes and dreams with white people. It is also important that you choose a water sport (swimming, fishing, kayaking, etc) that you pretend to like. That way, you can talk about how when you move to your waterfront property you can just wake up in the morning and [insert outdoor activity], right from your front door.
Mountain views are also acceptable, but generally seen as a poor substitute.
Pages: « 20 … 11 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 [1] Show All
No need to harsh on swimming. Doesn’t require any fancy equipment, and if you’re near a body of water you don’t have to pay to use a pool.
That said, I am into most watersports.
This one is a failure. Look at the population density distribution of China. Middle America is filled with white people. White people just want to get away. This is after moving to the city to be ‘where it’s at’. Look, white people are just confused is all. The inborn compass doesn’t work, as it’s deflected by mercury from the sushi.
I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.
Do people understand “satire?”
Isn’t this “satire?”
It’s just taking stereotypes to a new level.
Like the book of “Gnomes”
I think Jade Green or whoever makes a great point. Folks (*wink wink*) be ‘fraid of water. I fear Meta Mucil. You can imagine why!
@meta mucil
Yes, but white people will sit in traffic for hours “escaping” to their summer places on the Cape or Maryland shore etc. so they can populate said resorts with other white people when there is more white noise back in the city on weekends because all of the white people have left.
This one, #51, is weaker than many of the other list items. Is a white-specific love of waterfront living the cause of whites owning so much beachfront property as they do? I think there are several races that enjoy living near water. Maybe most members of any particular race would choose waterfront property if they could do so cheaply. People like the water because the white noise is more pleasant than, e.g., the sound of screaming kids next door. And it does make reading easier; it’s easier for some people to focus on text when they’re enveloped in white noise, just like it’s easier for some people to sleep when there’s a ticking clock.
White hipsters make the mistake of moving INTO poor/crappy neighborhoods as if that makes them less white/mainstream. But poor people don’t move into poor neighborhoods; they move out if they can, and they stay in them if they can’t (having been born into them). A related misconception on the part of white people is that non-whites choose to live in landlocked areas. I’m not sure if the trend of non-whites living in landlocked areas is due to an active choice; it may be a passive choice that occurs when other factors are more highly prioritized, factors like proximity to work, housing prices, etc. This is not to say that non-whites are unable to exercise free-will some respect, just that sometimes (for many types of people) geography gets largely ignored when housing choices are made.
It’s like Thelonius Monk Jr. said of his late father: He didn’t want to be playing little clubs, but big stages. Only dumb white folks see some black guy in a little jazz club and think that it’s his ideal venue. Sometimes it’s just the only venue he’s got available to him.
Or like that guy in Lawrence of Arabia — I think it was the actor’s name I forget, the one who beat the mexican valet parking attendant when he wouldn’t accept euros — says: The Arab doesn’t love the desert. He wants water and shade too.
Omar Sharif, and I bet you are quite interesting to hang out with at parties. I agree with your comment.
Someone mentioned to me that the motion of water and trees being blown by the wind is soothing. I think there is something to this. The water typically has a fresh clean smell. There’s a bar that’s near a river in my town. During the summer they keep the doors open, and it’s a really pleasant place to hang out.
There’s a fancy new term for the idea that people are going to start moving back to cities (I can’t recall the term, “urban something”). It will most likely be people too poor to continue to live in the suburbs. They expect a lot of empty nest baby boomers to make the move. I am skeptical that people will do so by choice rather than necessity.
“White hipsters make the mistake of moving INTO poor/crappy neighborhoods as if that makes them less white/mainstream.”
Actually they do this out of necessity–they need the cheap rents–but it is often the first step in gentrification of formerly ethnic neighborhoods. However, most of those people end up moving to better locations if they have kids.
You must be really fun at parties.
I live in Southern California, or as us white people like to call it “SoCal.” Nearly without exception, people feel “spirtually connected” to the ocean, and it’s soothing waves. “I just like knowing it’s there” someone said to me.
And who could blame ‘em. The water is polluted, which is great because now we have a “cause.” Also, it’s filled with adorable things we want to save. Oh, and it’s a prime source of SUSHI!
“SUSHI”
Bait.
This is an issue since I and most black folks are terribly afraid of any body of water that is over ankle deep.
I always knew these mountains were inferior in some way. Although, the ability to theoretically “go hiking” someday is almost as good as windsurfing or kayaking.
That’s why Vancouver kicks so much ass. Mountains *and* ocean all in walking distance. No one here actually does ski and windsurf in the same day, but it could easily be done. Man, I could never leave here! Yes I’m white. Yes, I’m damn proud of it! (But I f’in HATE Apple computers and pricey coffee shops)
I own an Apple computer but only use it when I go to expensive coffee shops. I can’t stand hiking, biking, or kayaking but, being white, I’m obligated to own the necessary fashions and accouterments from said hobbies. How well you do something is far less important than how you would look if you actually did it. That’s why my meticulously distressed Converse sneakers only come out of the closet when I’m attending PETA rallies.
[...] post by Stuff White People Like Share and Enjoy: These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and [...]
I pooped my pants
Mr/Ms. Damn got me thinking with his/her/its timely and insightful response:
I always wondered what the proper white peoples etiquette is for “relieving” ones self while sailing? Do you whip I out and let it fly (guys) or hang over the edge (girls)?
Is there a “green” approach to this problem? Should I be recycling?
Here is another related question:
If I have a house on the water, can I pee off the deck? (There is nothing like drinking a few beers, going out on the porch late at night and letting go.) Am I doing the right thing?
Your thoughts please.
As a sailor ever since I was young and the owner of two houses near the water (one my the beach where I live and one on a lake where I vacation) I found this an interesting question.
White people prefer to sail in boats that are large enough to have there own head (a sailing term for a bathroom although it usually smells more like a port-a-potty). If they are slumming it in a smaller boat then white people will definately pee over the side as long as there are none of the opposite sex in the boat.
You do not need to worry about your pee not being “green” enough. Pee is natural and biodegradeable. In fact, peeing out doors makes us white people feel more at one with nature which satisfies several things that white people like.
Finally, you can only pee out doors if no one of the opposite sex is present. White people never expose themselves in public. The only exeptions are for men. Men can urinate in public while camping, while in college at a party, or of course on st. patricks day.
p.s. if you don’t know what a wasp is, it is what you call a really white person that is not the “wrong” kind of white.
^ Umm… what?
PS: My guess is this is an inherited thing. White people sailed in, scored themselves a huge chunk of resource rich continent, and loved living in port/river cities ever since. Plus every white who sailed over did so more-or-less voluntarily, so must have had some love of water. Unfortunately, early blacks didn’t have much of a choice whether they got on the boat to America or not, and passed down the horror stories to the little ones.
To summarise: White boating history was happy, Black boat history not so much.
Not sure where other ethnicities would some in on this…
Indeed. Black people are not known for their yachting skills, are they?
I went to school in the Virgin Islands for a semester — white people love dropping little tidbits like that into conversation, don’t we? — and could count on one hand the number of “natives” I saw surfing, scuba diving, or boating.
The ones that I saw fishing would only do so in shallow, protected coves where you could always see the bottom and the fish, which kinda took the fun out of it.
One never saw them coming into a marina after a deep sea fishing excursion.
The only time I saw natives swimming was pretty much the same thing: shallow water in protected coves, and never at any beach where there were waves.
Of course, on the nicer beaches, the natives wore uniforms and served frozen drinks, smiling all the time.
(White people don’t like sullen natives, do we?)
You forgot one thing, white people actually know how to swim. Actually growing up in chicago when my youth swim club competed against the blackgroups from the south and west sides(100% black we were mixed) there were some strong swimmers though they are never in the olympics.
Blaming people’s ancestors is stupid. Think about it. Maybe the person you are blaming is a first or 2nd generation American.
Nobody in this current living world did anything to hurt you or your ancestors!
Let go of the grudge and you will be a happier person. Maybe you should read The Secret.
You bring up a very good point. Do you think this is in any way related to the overall lack of African-American representation in the water sports (sailing, swimming,…) and water-like sports (hockey)?
hahaha they were near new orleans
*come in…
Pages: « 20 … 11 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 [1] Show All