#51 Living by the water
February 4, 2008 by clander
It is hardly a secret that all white people love being near water. And why wouldn’t they? It has so many of the activities that they love to do: swimming, kayaking, canoeing, sailing, and it’s a perfect place to read next to.
But before we move on, let’s not gloss over that last point. White people love to be near a body of water so they can read a book, while sitting nearby. The process of reading is somehow heightened through the process of doing it near some water. Extreme reading!
But when you think long term, it’s important to realize that all white people either own/wish to own/plan to own/will own some sort of property near a body of water. Rather than say all white people want to live on the ocean, it’s important to break it up and apply it across the regions.
On the west coast, all white people want to live as close to the beach as possible. One look at the demographics for Manhattan Beach, Santa Monica, Hermosa Beach, Newport Beach, and Laguna Beach will reveal this fact through tangible numbers.
On the East Coast, many white people dream of owning ocean front property in New England, where they can make their lives as close as possible to a J. Crew catalog.
And in the landlocked states, the dream of lakefront property is alive and well.
It is also worth noting that often times, white people will purchase second homes near water if they cannot accommodate the dream in their own city. Often times they want to buy within driving distance, but the need for life near water is so great that they will even consider buying in other countries.
To a white person, a view of water from your house is the greatest achievement in life. And you should remember this when discussing your hopes and dreams with white people. It is also important that you choose a water sport (swimming, fishing, kayaking, etc) that you pretend to like. That way, you can talk about how when you move to your waterfront property you can just wake up in the morning and [insert outdoor activity], right from your front door.
Mountain views are also acceptable, but generally seen as a poor substitute.
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I WANT A MILLION DOLLARS!!! Can one million RICH WHITE PEOPLE send me one dollar apiece, puh-lease????
I don’t want money from any Asians, or Blacks or Hispanics. You guys NEED your money. I only want one dollar apiece from RICH WHITE PEOPLE who seem to WASTE their money buying real estate near water.
Waste it on me instead. Thanks so much! (First person who comments “You ARE a waste.” is a rotten egg. You thought it. I know you did. Stop lying. See? I knew it.)
http://thepighasacurlytail.wordpress.com/million-dollar-fund/
that whole owning a second house by the lake…yeah that would be me
HA.
White people are like Aquaman. They need to be near water to retain their powers.
http://www.beabetterproducer.com
For rent! Fabulous waterfront / beachfront property in Seattle, another place white people love to live.
Living by the water is dumb. Then again, I’ve also been through a few hurricanes since moving by the Gulf and have known people to lose their houses pretty easily that way.
correction Audrey: living where tropical storms naturally and regularly occur is dumb
Depends on where you are! I would totally live by the water if I had the private island listed at StuffRichPeopleLove.com. Turks & Caicos is sweet!
Went kayaking behind my house the other day. Water is fun.
Friday Night Lights should get an entry. It’s critically acclaimed (Compared to The Wire in terms of how deep it is), and barely anyone watches it. Infact, it’s also one of the most popular shows with affluent viewers, it’s perfect.
What about a lake/river front property with a view of the mountains to go along with it? Mow that’s some high class white livin’.
Black people are scared of water and can’t swim, or they would enjoy living by the water too.
Iggi, you’re full of more sh*t than Dockweiler Beach near the L.A. airport. The beach was the most frequented by Black-Americans in the mid 20th century, but there are much better beaches not surrounded by sewage storm drains or oil field-refinery run-off. Anyone wanna move to El Segundo? It’s the new Santa Monica, but you may be awoke by a loud 747 taking off or 767 made a landing. +
This is true
I used to dream about having a house on a lake, but then Jet Ski’s were invented. Now every rug rat on the lake and all their relatives will be raising hell at all hours. No thanks.
Yes, this is an unfortunate consequence of allowing the wrong kind of white people access to properties near water. Truly elite white people only own sailboats, which are quiet, and are excellent for reading and drinking red wine while onboard. Some not quite elite whites have powerboats that, while noisy, aren’t generally driven in circles around the bay. These people tend to go on outtings for the day with a basket of whole foods and really good cheese and possibly hummus if the cottage store carries it. I suggest you look into more affluent regions before judging, as you appear to be the right kind of white person.
White American people over age 60 are crossing the border down to San Felipe, Baja Cal. on the sea of Cortez (Gulf ofel California to gringos), where five-digit US dollar prices after conversion from the Mexican Peso means “big bargains” to retire in, and low-cost (maybe free) health care available. The irony of being retired not from a corporate seat. +
[...] Living by the Water: Wait, Dawn, I forgot which coast you are from- east or west? I always forget. [...]
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