#51 Living by the water
February 4, 2008 by clander
It is hardly a secret that all white people love being near water. And why wouldn’t they? It has so many of the activities that they love to do: swimming, kayaking, canoeing, sailing, and it’s a perfect place to read next to.
But before we move on, let’s not gloss over that last point. White people love to be near a body of water so they can read a book, while sitting nearby. The process of reading is somehow heightened through the process of doing it near some water. Extreme reading!
But when you think long term, it’s important to realize that all white people either own/wish to own/plan to own/will own some sort of property near a body of water. Rather than say all white people want to live on the ocean, it’s important to break it up and apply it across the regions.
On the west coast, all white people want to live as close to the beach as possible. One look at the demographics for Manhattan Beach, Santa Monica, Hermosa Beach, Newport Beach, and Laguna Beach will reveal this fact through tangible numbers.
On the East Coast, many white people dream of owning ocean front property in New England, where they can make their lives as close as possible to a J. Crew catalog.
And in the landlocked states, the dream of lakefront property is alive and well.
It is also worth noting that often times, white people will purchase second homes near water if they cannot accommodate the dream in their own city. Often times they want to buy within driving distance, but the need for life near water is so great that they will even consider buying in other countries.
To a white person, a view of water from your house is the greatest achievement in life. And you should remember this when discussing your hopes and dreams with white people. It is also important that you choose a water sport (swimming, fishing, kayaking, etc) that you pretend to like. That way, you can talk about how when you move to your waterfront property you can just wake up in the morning and [insert outdoor activity], right from your front door.
Mountain views are also acceptable, but generally seen as a poor substitute.
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[...] Living by the Water: “It’s hardly a secret that all white people love being near water. Any why wouldn’t they? It provides so many of the activities that they love – swimming, kayaking, canoeing, sailing – and it’s a perfect place to read. Before we move on, let’s not gloss over the last point. White people love to be near a body of water so they can read a book while sitting nearby. The process of reading is somehow heightened through the process of doing it near water. Extreme reading!” [...]
HAHAHAHA I saw this site on http://www.DanielDickey.com and I must admit it is just as funny!!
I dream of a giant rain storm in the piece of desert near me and form a new lake, almost a repeat of the formation of the Salton Sea, Caifornia’s largest lake (saltier than the Pacific) once had more tourists than all the state’s beaches combined in the 1950s to 70s. Today, it’s a cesspool from agricultural chemical run-off and Mexico’s inability to store water waste. But living by the water…can be pretty, but beware of the salty stench and the dead bird/fish kills. +
[...] The dirty underbelly of fresh air living I moved to Victoria just over six months ago, feeling blessed that I’d accomplished one of my firm “Moving away from the dry high desert of Colorado to the humid ocean coast of British Columbia” goals of finding somewhere to live by the water. [...]
The funny part that you must take into account is that these yuppie coast dwellers will quickly realize the error of their ways when the first flood hits.
ok i’ve read through almost half of your entries i think. you’re great, of course. except, it seems most of the things you write about are as much about whites-only as much tall is only about the Dutch. to me, it’s more like class (and possibly) locale where you derive your inspiration. i realize you might be aware of it. i’d be goodglad to know it anyway.
p.s. i’m sorry if i’m repeating somebody else’s comment. i just haven’t had the courage to trod through all of the countless comments you get.
cheers!
60% of the world’s population lives near a coast.
80% of the world lives in abject poverty.
Thus, a whole heap of poor people live on the coast!
White people like to pretend to be less wealthy than they are, yet another reason water is what white people like!
Just look at the peasant fad! Historically, nobody, not even peasants, wanted to dress that poorly.
Nor did they want to tan! Nowadays a tan is the quintessential sign of having lots of money (very white!) and leisure time (extreme whiteness!)
Tanned, peasant-top-wearing white people is the objective!!!
Irony?
More irony: the period between 1940 and 1980 was when the wealthy wanted to live in the middle of desert, with their planes, golf clubs and hotel hideaways. No wonder why we have Las Vegas, Phoenix, Scottsdale, Mesa Az. , Tucson, Palm Springs, Palm Desert and Victorville covered in endless housing tracts or suburban sprawl since 1980. Oh I wanna mention famous aviator Jackie Cochran of the 1930′s/40′s lived in a ranch, and the house was known to housed General George S. Patton commanding WWII military training grounds in Indio Cal. +
Living by das water: high taxes, flood insurance, fake snobs, trustfunders, people who are chronically non-employed, living off of parents–heck, it’s white people. is there a farter’s market to go to to buy orgasmic lemons for 3 bucks a piece to support julio et al??
[...] traffic and sunburn when you get to spend time on the beach reading Neal Stephenson? (It’s Extreme Reading, yet another Thing White People Like!) Yes, I actually took some time off my non-fiction binge to try and wrap up the Baroque Cycle. Not [...]
i dont understand this…. who wouldnt want to live by the water? is it really a white thing? …. i guess all the cities in all the countries ever built along the water were built by white people… or wait
LoL! Where I live is below sea level from Indio all the way to Yuma Az. and Mexicali, the Imperial valley itself is a very fast growing population centre. The agriculture brought in people when they wanna work, but most of the newcomers are retirees fleeing from cold or snowy states and the rest is history. Strange but true for the land elevation under the sea level created by active seismic faults (earthquakes).+
lol good point
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