#51 Living by the water
February 4, 2008 by clander
It is hardly a secret that all white people love being near water. And why wouldn’t they? It has so many of the activities that they love to do: swimming, kayaking, canoeing, sailing, and it’s a perfect place to read next to.
But before we move on, let’s not gloss over that last point. White people love to be near a body of water so they can read a book, while sitting nearby. The process of reading is somehow heightened through the process of doing it near some water. Extreme reading!
But when you think long term, it’s important to realize that all white people either own/wish to own/plan to own/will own some sort of property near a body of water. Rather than say all white people want to live on the ocean, it’s important to break it up and apply it across the regions.
On the west coast, all white people want to live as close to the beach as possible. One look at the demographics for Manhattan Beach, Santa Monica, Hermosa Beach, Newport Beach, and Laguna Beach will reveal this fact through tangible numbers.
On the East Coast, many white people dream of owning ocean front property in New England, where they can make their lives as close as possible to a J. Crew catalog.
And in the landlocked states, the dream of lakefront property is alive and well.
It is also worth noting that often times, white people will purchase second homes near water if they cannot accommodate the dream in their own city. Often times they want to buy within driving distance, but the need for life near water is so great that they will even consider buying in other countries.
To a white person, a view of water from your house is the greatest achievement in life. And you should remember this when discussing your hopes and dreams with white people. It is also important that you choose a water sport (swimming, fishing, kayaking, etc) that you pretend to like. That way, you can talk about how when you move to your waterfront property you can just wake up in the morning and [insert outdoor activity], right from your front door.
Mountain views are also acceptable, but generally seen as a poor substitute.
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Do you get super cracker credits if your house and your vacation house are both on the ocean?
What about Islands? They really tend to be kinda white even if ethnically they’re not white. Like Manhattan. That was Indian Territory. Or the Caribbean that’s getting more and more whitewashed with every passing cruise ship.
Are you allowed to do that? Isn’t there some unwritten white rule which states that if your primary domicile is near the water, then your vacation home must be near the mountains (or vice versa)? I guess if you own a home in the ‘burbs, then, theoretically, you could have multiple 2nd homes near water. But I do have one question, do vacation homes have to be rustic? I recently saw “Dan in Real Life” and was just wondering.
For those who haven’t seen the move, your $7.50 would be better spent on a bottle of musk from the airport men’s room.
What happens when you were born near the water and are now used to it? Is that especially white?
An interesting phenomenon in Northern California is that the reverse is true for SF Bay south of “The City” (what White People call San Francisco). The water has to be appealing, like the SF Bay up in Marin, in towns like Tiburon and Belvedere. But the south end of the bay is full of icky mudflats, so the “waterfront” neighborhoods in Santa Clara Co are some of the poorest (Alviso, Milpitas, East Palo Alto), while the most desirable White People neighborhoods are far away from the water up in the foothills (Los Altos Hills, Saratoga, Los Gatos). Seems Chip and Muffy don’t like mudflats.
Good stuff, keep up the good work. Let the white liberal shmucko choke on this. This site should have been called white people from Ca and the North East. Southeast White People dispise most of these things, because we do not give a sh*t about most of it.
True, I live here in Hawaii and once travelled to Costa Rica in search of cheaper oceanview land
Didn’t MC Hammer go bankrupt because he put too much water decoration around his house…?
It’s satire. Stop overanalyzing it.
On the flip side in my extensive travels to areas that are good for hiking and camping and fishing and such, I had the rare oppertunity to take on one of my fire crews an
african american teenager .
Upon observation of Joe I began to wonder if there was something primative coded within his DNA.
It was then and there I realized the reasons in why Joe did not like to camp or be out doors , as he made his bed in the center of a 600 person fire fighting shanty town.
IT was easily seen in the one simple statment he gave me. ” I know there is a moutain lion out here and I know I will be the only person he decided to eat.” WOW , he left the camp crew the next day. We missed Joe and the moutain lion raised by the sasquatch was nothing more than a humble purring kitten.
Look here…
This site is mediocre at best. It is mildly entertaining. Half of the items on this list are garbage. The effort and thought put into this list is pretty embarrassing.
if you want some actual funny entertainment/blog/writing/insightful/great stuff
http://www.garbarrassing.com
go for it.
Checked out your site. Where was the funny, entertaining, insightful stuff?
black people hate living near the water because they can’t swim. When I was in the Army, we had to do drown-proofing where we would jump into the water fully clothed and do neat white person things like swim, float, and survive.
It was done in a swimming pool and you were directed in this fashion…
“People who can swim, deep end, people who can’t swim, shallow end.”
It could just as easily been, “Whites, deep end, blacks, shallow end.”
The Miami police dept recently dropped it’s swimming requirement because no blacks could pass it.
Yes, I capitalized White and left black lower case on purpose. As soon as a majority black nation cracks the top 150 in standard of living, then you get capital status.
This may be why so few blacks gravitate to the special operations community.
Blacks in the US that is, come to the Caribbean you will be surprise
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