#51 Living by the water
February 4, 2008 by clander
It is hardly a secret that all white people love being near water. And why wouldn’t they? It has so many of the activities that they love to do: swimming, kayaking, canoeing, sailing, and it’s a perfect place to read next to.
But before we move on, let’s not gloss over that last point. White people love to be near a body of water so they can read a book, while sitting nearby. The process of reading is somehow heightened through the process of doing it near some water. Extreme reading!
But when you think long term, it’s important to realize that all white people either own/wish to own/plan to own/will own some sort of property near a body of water. Rather than say all white people want to live on the ocean, it’s important to break it up and apply it across the regions.
On the west coast, all white people want to live as close to the beach as possible. One look at the demographics for Manhattan Beach, Santa Monica, Hermosa Beach, Newport Beach, and Laguna Beach will reveal this fact through tangible numbers.
On the East Coast, many white people dream of owning ocean front property in New England, where they can make their lives as close as possible to a J. Crew catalog.
And in the landlocked states, the dream of lakefront property is alive and well.
It is also worth noting that often times, white people will purchase second homes near water if they cannot accommodate the dream in their own city. Often times they want to buy within driving distance, but the need for life near water is so great that they will even consider buying in other countries.
To a white person, a view of water from your house is the greatest achievement in life. And you should remember this when discussing your hopes and dreams with white people. It is also important that you choose a water sport (swimming, fishing, kayaking, etc) that you pretend to like. That way, you can talk about how when you move to your waterfront property you can just wake up in the morning and [insert outdoor activity], right from your front door.
Mountain views are also acceptable, but generally seen as a poor substitute.
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As a white person, I am offended that you neglected to mention the Hamptons…a very important part of the hip white person’s existance in the Tri (New York) state area.
The dining, shopping, star-sighting…how can you lose…oh yeah, and the beaches aren’t such a shabby way to work-off a hangover from the past evening’s partying at the Star Lounge.
Try not to let this oversight happen again, ok?
[...] #51 Living by the Water [...]
[...] out of my sigg bottle, listened to Mos Def and public radio on my ipod, and returned to my house near the water a stone’s throw from San Francisco, all while wearing a vintage T-shirt and outdoor [...]
Dang!!!! I have a mountain view that I used to love, but now I realize it is only a poor substitute.
Maybe I can get the valley just below my house dammed and flooded as replacement wetland. That would give me environmental cred AND waterfront property. Or maybe just dam up the little swale and see if it will fill with water….
How does a small pond (aquaculture and growing organic wasabi) count on the whiteness scale?
“To a white person, a view of water from your house is the greatest achievement in life.”
Hilarious.
Au contrair,
A home by the water is just a qualifier for success,
The greatest achievement for white people is to have achievements so great that no one dare speak of them at length because of the intense jealousy they harbor for your success!
That and being called “down”
You can take this a step further by using San Pedro.
It’s on the coast, in the process of gentrification, too high up the cliffs to really “use” the water (too damned cold anyway), surrounded by hip/ethnic/slightly scary Latinos right next door and threatening/violent Afro-Americans across in Long Beach and Wilmington, but defintely separated from the rich, Republican snobs in PV.
PV=Palos Verdes, and farther north is Redondo Beach, where my Mom grew up in the 1950s/60s. She can’t identify her childhood two-story home in an apartment complex in the so-called Clifton area, and Hollywood Riviera-Torrance. She taken me to the beach in San Pedro (Cabrillo beach) when I was young, but lived in Indio-Palm Springs, and she took me & my bro to the Cabrillo bay-Los Angeles Aquarium. Long Beach was where my grandparents briefly lived after WWII-before Korean war era, the US Navy was a huge employer and the shipyard by the Terminal Island bridge. +
PS: It don’t count if your ‘Single-wide’ is on a creek bank. (Southern humor)
What if it is a modular home on a pond (ie quagmire).
What?
I have a grill
and you know how white people love to grill
…or A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!
White people can embrace water. Black people have a lot of hair issues tied up with water.
According to the 2000 census, Maine is the whitest state in the union, and this sub-topic verifies that assertion.
Another thing white people love? Snowblowers.
Shhhh!! don’t tell anyone, or the Jews in the “refugee resettlement” offices in DC will target it for “diveristy” (code for less Whites).
OOOoooops! They already got there!!! Settled some Somalis right where they feel at home, in a cold, northern White state.
Ask yourself, seriously, how this happened and why they weren’t placed somewhere warmer, like New Orleans.
The answer is the White-hating liberal jew at work. Look it up. They also settled SE Asians (the Hmong), used to the jungle heat, in Minneapolis!
Idaho is even whiter than that, but the US census includes Hispanics and Asians in the white category. Are there a few Native American tribes in Maine, alike much of Idaho? +
Hey Frank Johnson,
I was thinking this site should be called “Stuff liberal white people like”
Here’s 4 words you’ll never hear from my lips, “Like my new Prius?”
I really doubt we’ll see a post here for “Large Caliber Handguns.” That’s stuff I like and I’m a white guy.
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