A lot of cultures love dogs – be it for entertainment, labor, or other. But white people love dogs on an entirely different level.
It should be understood that in white culture, dogs are considered training for having children. That is to say that any white couple must get a dog before they have kids. This will prepare them for responsibility by having another creature to feed, supervise it’s bathroom activities, and to love. Because of this, white people generally assume that their dog is their favorite child unless otherwise stated.
When actual children are born, the dog is not displaced but rather remains as the most important member of the household. This is because of the fact that white children will eventually hate their parents, but dogs will love anyone who feeds them.
White people generally believe that dogs have human emotions and that they are capable of loving certain TV shows, films, and music. “Buster just loves watching Six Feet Under!” Even though most dogs would enjoy watching Hitler if he were getting attention every time it came on the TV.
They also believe that their dogs share similar tastes in food – “Little Ben Kweller likes the Organic food the best.” Forgetting the fact that dogs enjoy eating their own feces, and pretty much anything that falls onto the floor.
When searching for homes, many white people will require large yards so that their “dog can run around.” If you work in real estate, this can be exploited for large markups when selling to white people.
It is also a proven fact, that dogs are often used by white people to attract members of the opposite sex. Bringing a puppy or dog to a local dog park, will encourage interaction and conversation. Even more so than a Mac Laptop.
If white people are ever talking about their dogs, it is essential that you reassure them that their dogs are absolutely special and unique. That they are being properly cared for, and that treating like children is the only way to care for a pet. Under no circumstance EVER should you say anything that is derogatory towards dogs, critical of spoiling dogs, or that they are not full members of society who deserve the same rights as humans. Doing any of these three things will completely destroy all relationships you might have had with a white person.
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LOL!!!!!!
I am having trouble breathing, I’m laughing SO hard!
I have 6 babies who all have their own favorite tv shows and would be completely dumbfounded if they ever found out that they were not in fact, human.
oh, and by the way, its not just white people that love their dogs, i know plenty of blacks and latinos who show a very deep and strong affection for their canine companions.
Well you know, at the end of the day, when your ungrateful teenage kid who gets everything they want is still out past their bedtime, and your annoying ex-wife who uses your child support checks to pay for manicures is still bugging you for more money, then its kind of nice to have your dog lick your face and remind you that their is still someone on this planet who wouldn’t do anything to piss you off or dissapoint you. and that is why white people love dogs ladies and gentlemen.
Right on!! a dogs love is unconditional!!
I do hope you remember to WASH your face after that act of ‘affection’ (not to mention, washing your hands too?)…
well you see, I, unlike others keep my dog clean so that it doesnt smell bad, in fact it probably smells alot better then you.
How do you know what ‘smelling good’ smells like when you got dog spit glossing your face?
shaddap beeeotch.
its simple you moron, let me lay it out for you; if the dog doesn’t smell at all, its clean, if it smells bad, then its dirty. and since you obviously cant tell the difference between cleran and dirty, instead of telling me how bad my dog smells, why dont you go and clean your dirty ass stank hole you call a house and take a shower, i can smell you through the internet.
what you are smelling bobby, is all that dog slob all over your stupid assed face. You still did not say that you wash your face after your dog licked you. You nasty beeeotch.
Oh, haven’t you noticed that your dog licks a lot of things with his tongue, like his own ass, his own balls, and not to mention any bugs and/or dirt that is on any orifice of its body?
Then he runs up to you, and with that same tongue, licks all over your stupid assed face. What you smell is dog dick, dog anus and dog whatever slob that is now glossing your face and stopping up your nasty assed nose. You probably let the dog eat the buggers out your nose, since you’re too nasty to wash your face after the dog slobbering.
like i said before…
shaddap beeeotch.
I had dogs when I was growing up and autistic kids like me (I’m now in my late 20s) seem to relate with pet animals. I know what you’re talking about uh huh… and one of the dogs in my childhood home was a “mutt” part bull mastiff, labrador and german shepherd found on the streets near my bro’s grade school (he said “it” followed him home). We adopted the dog and 8 years later before my bro’s son was born, “it” ran away from the back yard to return in the desert where it came from. The irony is “mutts” are a kind of dogs’ where they won’t stay home. +
There is a pet food TV commercial running in Canada, and I believe in the US too, in which the white female caracther tells us about her ‘small dog’: “she loves variety of food, and also the quality”…
I guess she test tastes the dog food for her dogs in order to grade the ‘quality’…
Feed the puppies, then sale it to starving children for them to eat…and you know, human birth control isn’t a bad idea. Let’s really sound like a mad white man with the power to rule over the “lessers”. Eugenics is the way to go. Don’t you feed your dog better than a redneck feeds their kid? +
ahaha. i’m a white teenager with two dogs. and all of that is completely true. my parents treat me and the dogs exactly the same.
This has got to be the most insulting web site I’ve ever run accross. Generalizing any race is insulting. What? Because it’s white it’s okay?
hey Bob, take your gripe up with the white guy who wrote this blog……the next question should be asked: Is it insulting for a white person of the ‘white race’ to insult other white people of the ‘white race’?
We non-whites will let you all figure that out for yourselves.
If your not white, why are you here trolling white people? It makes you look like one of the racist, white-hating people that come here. This is for folks to laugh and have a good time, unfortunately folks like you show up. I’m sure you and your ilk would love to write a few entries.
hey white person, I have four wonderful words for you:
Kiss
My
Ass
Beeeotch.
I completely agree. Perpetuating or creating new stereotypes to demean any race is wrong. Even though the author has claimed to be a comedian, and this is “intended to be satirical”, I find it to be in extremely poor taste.
Lmao I Totally Agree
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Hey Lala K,
actually white people are acutely aware of the plight of people in third world countries, in fact, white people give tons of money to organizations that help people in said places.
The fact that you are a racist asshole doesn’t mean I am not allowed to love my dogs. F you.
Ugh….but thank you for helping me to understand something I previously didn’t. I do not understand how some dogs are permanently glued to their white human owners and how these owners permit it. As a Latina I grew up thinking dogs should be kept outside, not lounging on the owners’ bed or sofa gnawing on themselves and doing other gross things. American dogs live much better than human beings in third-world countries…but of course I wouldn’t expect a white person to know that.
I guess third world people who may have a hard time taking care of their own needs would think that dogs are some what utilitarian at best and void of emotions similar to people. Most anecdotal information would say otherwise. Dogs are highly intelligent that is some dogs are highly intelligent eg. Border Collies. To relegate them to a chained up existence is akin to torturing babies and if you think not it might explain why some people remain in a third world. Human evolution correlates with the introduction of dogs into their societies as companions, protectors and hunting partners. American third world people only “generally” use dogs Pit their dogs and kill them when they lose, then bury them in the back yard before the next football game “yo”.”Just axe one”!!
As a white person I grew up thinking that Latinas/Latinos existed only to clean my house/mow my yard.
as a latino person I grew up thinking that white people existed only to be examples of the assholes of the human race. Oh, I also noticed that white people don’t like taking regular baths/showers.
Ask any non-white person, and they will tell you that they hate being around white people during or just after a rain. You all smell like wet dogs.
As a white/American Indian person growing up in Sou. Cal. the Latino people are a common part of everday life and to notice how ethnologically I’m closer to someone of Spanish or Aztec descent, in part of my French father and Cherokee ancestry indigenous to North America. Deep down, we’re all the same species of human…and like dogs, humans are the same species come in all colors, shapes and sizes. +
YEAH BLACK PEOPLE HAVE NO TRAINING FOR RAISING CHILDREN…OBVIOUSLY.
As least black parents care more for their kids than people who love their stupid stankin animals.
If Peyton Manning was in Michael Vics Position things would have been alot different.
also nothing can prepare u for child raising dogs arent humans, prepare for kis??!! So u going to treat your kids like animals?
Ok, let’s joke about how other races of people love dogs: Asians love dogs…to raise as food.
Hispanics allow their dogs run loose in the alleys (think of the Mexican border). Blacks have the toughest breeds in their front yards. (word) and Muslims typically don’t own dogs, due to the Koran’s advise on dogs are the 2nd uncleanest animal to pigs. +
hey doug?
shaddap beeeotch.
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