#54 Kitchen Gadgets
February 5, 2008 by clander
White people are under a lot of pressure to like cooking. Everything in their culture tells them that they need to have a nice kitchen and that they need to cook with organic, fresh ingredients to make delicious, complicated food.
Though any great chef can prepare fantastic meals with a knife and a few pots, white people believe that they need a full cadre of appliances and gadgets in their kitchen in order to live up to the pressure.
If you go into a white person’s kitchen you will find a waffle maker, a rice cooker, a steamer, a food processor, a panini press and a blender. They also have hand powered devices like flour sifters, ravioli crimpers, pizza cutters, potato ricers, and a sushi mat.
But, in order for them to truly enter into whitedom, they need to 
own the holy grail of white kitchens – the kitchen aid stand mixer (right). They will match this mixer to their kitchen’s color scheme and it will make up the focal point. And much like many religious artifacts, it will remain untouched for months and even years, sitting on the counter to be admired as a testament to their lifestyle.
Kitchen Gadgets also serve as one of the main reasons why white people get married. Look at their registry and you will find gadgets for any possible task in the kitchen. If you end up buying one of these for a white person, your card should make reference to them using a lot to make beautiful food that you hope you can eat one day. This kind of stuff goes over like gang busters.
If you find yourself in a conversation about these things, a good way to say a little but mean a lot is to mention that you “find the consumer models to be poorly built, my friend, a chef, brings me with him to a restaurant supply shop that’s not open to the public. The stuff there is real quality, it’s where I get all of my pans.”
If this is too big of a risk, you should just throw out a combination of these words: “le Creuset, Calphalon, All Clad, Williams Sonoma, and Sur Le Table.” White people go so nuts when they hear these words, you won’t even have to finish your sentence.
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Haven’t laughed this hard in a long time
The comments posted by naonym on February 11, 2008
and the response by wowza on April 22, 2008 had me rolling….
As for gadgets – got my share – usually received as the “bow” on gift packages. do I use them – rarely. But my appliances, my George Foreman, my blender and my mixer (hand held electric) absolutely.
LOL I saw this site on http://www.DanielDickey.com and I must admit it’s just as funny!!
I’m a chef and I would rather chew on glass than own anything by Rachel Ray or Pampered Chef. I couldn’t agree more that chefs do 99% of their art with 2 knives, a sauce pan, and a couple of pots….THAT’S IT. Go to any online knife store and notice the crazy-high priced chef knife that is ergonomically designed by JAPANESE master-swordsmiths as well as medical doctors. Then notice the “classic” models that are half the price and have been in production for about 500 years or more.
I agree about the kitchen gadgets and I am what you have referred to as a “white” person. It is pretty crazy that people really like to have STUFF. I am wondering who wrote this piece how how they label themselves? Do you use a color to define who you are? Do you use other colors to define other people as well. Maybe it is time to learn that colors don’t define us as people, reality is in today’s society it seems to be the STUFF that defines a majority of “people”. What sort of stuff do you have?
i dont think you’re getting the joke
Bad news for hired help in white people’s homes, good news for DIY cookbooks and TV shows on the Food Network. White women are increasing in favor of being “stay in home” wifes, while the men slave away in the corporate office rat race. Forget kitchen gadget machinery, they are going ga-ga for Giudia and Rachael Ray, and the books with the retro-60s covers “Hungry girl”. +
All my white friends are OBSESSED with slow cookers now.
I don’t know why though because everything I’ve ever tasted out of a slow cooker has been pretty bad. Or maybe my friends are just bad cooks.
My theory is, if they couldn’t cook it 50 years ago, then I won’t eat it…
Very nice, very helpful, hope to hear more from you soon.
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