#54 Kitchen Gadgets
February 5, 2008 by clander
White people are under a lot of pressure to like cooking. Everything in their culture tells them that they need to have a nice kitchen and that they need to cook with organic, fresh ingredients to make delicious, complicated food.
Though any great chef can prepare fantastic meals with a knife and a few pots, white people believe that they need a full cadre of appliances and gadgets in their kitchen in order to live up to the pressure.
If you go into a white person’s kitchen you will find a waffle maker, a rice cooker, a steamer, a food processor, a panini press and a blender. They also have hand powered devices like flour sifters, ravioli crimpers, pizza cutters, potato ricers, and a sushi mat.
But, in order for them to truly enter into whitedom, they need to 
own the holy grail of white kitchens – the kitchen aid stand mixer (right). They will match this mixer to their kitchen’s color scheme and it will make up the focal point. And much like many religious artifacts, it will remain untouched for months and even years, sitting on the counter to be admired as a testament to their lifestyle.
Kitchen Gadgets also serve as one of the main reasons why white people get married. Look at their registry and you will find gadgets for any possible task in the kitchen. If you end up buying one of these for a white person, your card should make reference to them using a lot to make beautiful food that you hope you can eat one day. This kind of stuff goes over like gang busters.
If you find yourself in a conversation about these things, a good way to say a little but mean a lot is to mention that you “find the consumer models to be poorly built, my friend, a chef, brings me with him to a restaurant supply shop that’s not open to the public. The stuff there is real quality, it’s where I get all of my pans.”
If this is too big of a risk, you should just throw out a combination of these words: “le Creuset, Calphalon, All Clad, Williams Sonoma, and Sur Le Table.” White people go so nuts when they hear these words, you won’t even have to finish your sentence.
Pages: « 25 … 18 17 16 15 14 [13] 12 11 10 9 8 … 1 » Show All
The best white people kitchen item in the whole world is a machine you can buy that heats two hot dogs and two buns in an electric machine. Can you imagine ANYBODY feeling a need for this appliance? I admit to owning a good big food processor, but that’s because I have an enormous family that likes to get together and I therefore find myself making food for 100 people. Other than that, good knives and a couple of decent pots work just fine.
[...] stuff white people like #54 kitchen gadgets [stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.org] digg_skin = ‘compact’; reddit! [...]
CAN’T… BREATHE… LAUGHING TOO HARD…
for my college graduation gifts, i got a pomeranian puppy and a kitchen aid mixer (black to match the rest of my appliances and my over priced knife block) with the icecream attachment. i also have one of the most extensive silicone bakeware collections, all in blue, including 3 different sizes of bread pans, a multitier wire cooling rack and a tupperware container just for round layer cakes.
my boyfriend doesn’t know it yet, but i’m buying the pasta attachment for my mixer instead of getting him a birthday present.
I have TWO kitchen aid mixers (one is a hand me down from an aunt, but I keep it around just in case something happens to the original) and I adore them.
Williams-Sonoma catalogs are like porn for me!
Oh dear. I’m about to use my Kitchenaid to make butter, using cream from a local dairy. ARGH! so, so white. Tomorrow for dinner I’ll be busting out the pasta maker, for its twice yearly use.
I swear this enitre website was written about me.
“Look at their registry and you will find gadgets for any possible task in the kitchen.”
What am I supposed to put on my registry then! I’m white, my fiance is black – do we veer on the side of the wife or husband with this one? I hope the wife cuz I want my KitchenAid! In red, so it can match my modern kitchen
I don’t understand how people do not use a mixer. It is good for practically everything. Yes, I am white. No, it does not matter.
I’m glad you listed Williams-Sonoma here. Your blog is so perfect. Not only is my entire kitchen outfitted by Williams-Sonoma, when they come out with a new and IMPROVED waffle iron, coffee maker, whatever, I go and buy that one, too. Then I donate my old, but still new, whatever to Goodwill. And I feel so good about that!
Other white topics to consider:
J. Crew
Barbour
Pendleton (anything Native American is very white, right?)
Mid-century Modern
Mini Cooper
Pearl necklaces
Large, diamond studs
Shelter magazines (ideas for decorating and renovating)
Keep up the great work.
I only have a waffle maker and a blender. None of that other fancy stuff. Although my waffle maker isn’t one of those cool new flippy ones. Mine actually is from Wal-Mart and the handle to open it is broken. Don’t have one of those big kitchens to keep all that stuff. You know white people like big kitchens. Just found this site. What a hoot. I just don’t fit in with all my white counterparts.
Pages: « 25 … 18 17 16 15 14 [13] 12 11 10 9 8 … 1 » Show All