#54 Kitchen Gadgets
February 5, 2008 by clander
White people are under a lot of pressure to like cooking. Everything in their culture tells them that they need to have a nice kitchen and that they need to cook with organic, fresh ingredients to make delicious, complicated food.
Though any great chef can prepare fantastic meals with a knife and a few pots, white people believe that they need a full cadre of appliances and gadgets in their kitchen in order to live up to the pressure.
If you go into a white person’s kitchen you will find a waffle maker, a rice cooker, a steamer, a food processor, a panini press and a blender. They also have hand powered devices like flour sifters, ravioli crimpers, pizza cutters, potato ricers, and a sushi mat.
But, in order for them to truly enter into whitedom, they need to 
own the holy grail of white kitchens – the kitchen aid stand mixer (right). They will match this mixer to their kitchen’s color scheme and it will make up the focal point. And much like many religious artifacts, it will remain untouched for months and even years, sitting on the counter to be admired as a testament to their lifestyle.
Kitchen Gadgets also serve as one of the main reasons why white people get married. Look at their registry and you will find gadgets for any possible task in the kitchen. If you end up buying one of these for a white person, your card should make reference to them using a lot to make beautiful food that you hope you can eat one day. This kind of stuff goes over like gang busters.
If you find yourself in a conversation about these things, a good way to say a little but mean a lot is to mention that you “find the consumer models to be poorly built, my friend, a chef, brings me with him to a restaurant supply shop that’s not open to the public. The stuff there is real quality, it’s where I get all of my pans.”
If this is too big of a risk, you should just throw out a combination of these words: “le Creuset, Calphalon, All Clad, Williams Sonoma, and Sur Le Table.” White people go so nuts when they hear these words, you won’t even have to finish your sentence.
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We have more than a stick and a rock ,like all the undeveloped countries that are dying to get here if that’s what you mean.
What about the SPORK?! That’s a must-have for all modern gadget lovers!
http://tinyurl.com/dmr6u4
Sporks, plastic or paper plates, and anything made out of styro foam is not eco-friendly (green) and not upscale (white). The problem is most of us are so freakin’ tired after a 8 or 9 hour workday (wives also work)…and if we wanna cook something, throw it in the microwave or go through a drive-thru place. We can’t have a home-cooked meal every day for lunch, dinner or who knows, breakfast other than a bowl of cereal. +
My favorite possession is my Kitchen Aid food processor. I use it frequently. I did not imagine getting such an appliance until I did my “time abroad” and “learned a second language.” Every woman in my third culture who likes to cook and has the money gets a food processor as least as good as the one I have.
Knives and pots are NOT all you need. I’ve made hummus by pressing chickpeas through a sieve. Those days are over.
When my very serious food-preparing Chinese friend visited, she told me she had the same one. I admire her taste in kitchen appliances, so I felt this confirmed my choice.
I just wanted to share a more nuanced look at white fascination with kitchen gadgets.
I’m thinking of a correlation between time aboard, learning a second language and kitchen gadgets tied together: you’re hiring cheap labor down in ol’ Me-xi-co haven’t you? and is the Chinese “friend” like your housemaid’s husband? LOL, forgive me but you gotta think like the blogger dude. +
[...] me to start remembering everything I loved about wedding planning – the crafts, the details, the kitchen electronics… So to quell that critical voice in my head shaming me for not getting my wedding [...]
actually those kitchenaid mixers are really great. they are big enough and have the different array of settings and attachments.
the only thing that pisses me off about them is the people that don’t know how to to cook at all who own one b/c it matches their decor. ugh. my aunti is a professional baker and sells things from her house, so those kind of mixers make sense…btw…she’s not white…
Just FYI.
It’s Sur “La” Table, as any good bilingual child would know (I went to highschool in Paris), “table” is feminine, not masculine. Not to mention if you had been to the store you also would have avoided this error.
Still, a highly entertaining article, your site = my life.
Wow, You’re White.
And Rachel Ray.
certainly not. absolutely the wrong kind of white person.
[...] kitchen gadgets, but do not have a stand [...]
This is so funny. I truly have the big mixer in the very focal point of where my kitchen walls meet. It is white so not color coordinated, but you are right, that I only use it a few times a year. Thanks for letting me LOL at myself.
I think this post needs to include the food network
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