#54 Kitchen Gadgets
February 5, 2008 by clander
White people are under a lot of pressure to like cooking. Everything in their culture tells them that they need to have a nice kitchen and that they need to cook with organic, fresh ingredients to make delicious, complicated food.
Though any great chef can prepare fantastic meals with a knife and a few pots, white people believe that they need a full cadre of appliances and gadgets in their kitchen in order to live up to the pressure.
If you go into a white person’s kitchen you will find a waffle maker, a rice cooker, a steamer, a food processor, a panini press and a blender. They also have hand powered devices like flour sifters, ravioli crimpers, pizza cutters, potato ricers, and a sushi mat.
But, in order for them to truly enter into whitedom, they need to 
own the holy grail of white kitchens – the kitchen aid stand mixer (right). They will match this mixer to their kitchen’s color scheme and it will make up the focal point. And much like many religious artifacts, it will remain untouched for months and even years, sitting on the counter to be admired as a testament to their lifestyle.
Kitchen Gadgets also serve as one of the main reasons why white people get married. Look at their registry and you will find gadgets for any possible task in the kitchen. If you end up buying one of these for a white person, your card should make reference to them using a lot to make beautiful food that you hope you can eat one day. This kind of stuff goes over like gang busters.
If you find yourself in a conversation about these things, a good way to say a little but mean a lot is to mention that you “find the consumer models to be poorly built, my friend, a chef, brings me with him to a restaurant supply shop that’s not open to the public. The stuff there is real quality, it’s where I get all of my pans.”
If this is too big of a risk, you should just throw out a combination of these words: “le Creuset, Calphalon, All Clad, Williams Sonoma, and Sur Le Table.” White people go so nuts when they hear these words, you won’t even have to finish your sentence.
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I WANT A MILLION DOLLARS!!! Can one million RICH WHITE PEOPLE send me one dollar apiece, puh-lease????
I don’t want money from any Asians, or Blacks or Hispanics. You guys NEED your money. I only want one dollar apiece from RICH WHITE PEOPLE who seem to WASTE their money on things like useless kitchen gadgets.
Waste it on me instead. Thanks so much! (First person who comments “You ARE a waste.” is a rotten egg. You thought it. I know you did. Stop lying. See? I knew it.)
http://thepighasacurlytail.wordpress.com/million-dollar-fund/
Do you have to infect every comment thread with this shameless self-promotion?
To be fair, Kitchenaid stand mixers are actually a fantastic tool if you’re the sort of person who uses it relatively often.
I also like rice cookers a lot better now that they make non-stick ones (before that, it was substantially less work to just use a pot).
“Now get in there and make me some bean dip” – Herb Sewell, a random phrase from one of 50 reg. phone character guests on the Phil Hendrie radio show. Kitchen gadgets are nothing more than the male chav plot to return women to the kitchen en masse. I’m gonna expose this to prove my point. LOL!+
Good one, not funny enough though…
http://www.beabetterproducer.com
[...] gadget fiending type-casts me as uber-white. We’re under pretty hefty pressure, apparently, to like cooking! [...]
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[...] 54 Kitchen Gadgets Stuff White People Like Posted by root 16 minutes ago (http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com) They also have hand powered devices like flour sifters ravioli crimpers calphalon all clad your comment smaller size larger size blog at wordpress discuss bury reply to this comment erlend reigstad blog archive kitchen Discuss | Bury | News | 54 Kitchen Gadgets Stuff White People Like [...]
[...] 54 Kitchen Gadgets Stuff White People Like Posted by root 16 hours ago (http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com) They also have hand powered devices like flour sifters ravioli crimpers pizza cutters if this is too big of a risk you should just throw out a combination of these words le creuset calphalon all clad your comment smaller size larger size blog at wordpress Discuss | Bury | News | 54 kitchen gadgets stuff white people like [...]
Um, well, I’ve shopped at Sur la Table and bought a Le Creuset dutch oven at Williams-Sonoma. Those places are pretty cool, I guess. But my favorite place is Charleston Cooks! in Charleston, SC because it’s an independently owned business and often offers cooking classes that stress the use of local products and regional cuisine. How’s them apples, I dare someone to top it
[...] It seems I’m not alone [...]
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