#63 Expensive Sandwiches
February 11, 2008 by clander
Having already covered breakfast and dinner options, the question remains: what do white people like to do for lunch? The answer: expensive sandwiches.
In most cities, if you need to find a cache of white people get yourself to a sandwich shop. Generally these places aren’t open for dinner, have a panini press and are famous for their bread. There are always vegan options and the selection of meats and cheese are strongly European.
The waiters and waitresses in these places are highly coveted by the white population. They are not quite as cool as bartenders, not quite as snobby as coffee shop workers, but still artsy, young, and more than likely to be a musician/artist/writer (since they only have to work from 11-3).
If you are in the position where you need to take a white person to lunch for business or pleasure, saying “I know a great sandwich shop,” will always bring out a smile. The white person will then tell you about the great sandwich shop in the town where they went to college and how they had a crush on a waiter, or that there was some special sandwich that they always ordered. This will put the person in a good mood.
It’s important to note that this type of restaurant is best for business or friendship situations as it is very neutral and does not carry connotations like Sushi or Breakfast.
These sandwiches generally start at $8.99. Remember that whenever a white person says they wants to go to a sandwich shop you are looking at at least a $15 outlay after tip and drink, $20 if the place has a good selection of microbrews.
Also note: white people will wait up to 40 minutes for a good sandwich.
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One Word: Zingerman’s… If you have no idea what I am talking about you need to go to Ann Arbor and eat at their Deli (after your football team destroys us).
Destroying M*ch*g*n is easy to do this year. GO BUCKS!
As for a good sandwich shop. I like this placed called Ingredients. Best panini sandwich..EVER!
hmm, i serve sandwiches in a deli. they are very expensive and fancy. apparently i am coveted!
i like pesto, tomato, and mozzarella on whole wheat.
amer’s deli. faaantastic.
Too pussy to go all the way and be a vegan, huh?
My favorite expensive sandwich is the the TBM at Cosi; that’s tomato-basil-mozzarella. Expensive sandwiches are neat! Yum!
[...] relief that the soul food restaurants in Harlem will be spared the humiliation of being replaced by expensive sandwich restaurants and Starbucks? That Coney Island won’t be plowed under to make way for beachfront condos [...]
Um, this is kind of fun, but…
I checked the List carefully and couldn’t find any of the following items. Without these addenda, the list looks suspicously like “Stuff White Liberals Like That Make White Conservatives Feel Uncool.”
Here’s “Stuff the Other Half of White America Likes”:
1. Camo.
2. Furtively giving the IHOP a quick “demographic scan” before telling that joke.
3. Neighborhoods with no sidewalks.
4. A left-turn light in front of the SuperCentre.
5. Bumper stickers
…(oh, that’s already on the list, but the entry doesn’t include “Poor = Lazy” or “Drill Here, Drill Now” or “America Bless God”)
6. 50-mile commutes
7. Home-schooling in a good school district.
8. Israel (but not the actual Jews there!)
9. Hot sauce collections
10. Stockpiling canned food, in case the pre-millinnealists are right, not the post-millinnealists….wait, let me go check my Hal Lindsey library.
11. Pregnant white teenagers (not the other kind of pregnant teenager)
12. African immigrants (if they follow the right religion) as examples of industriousness and modesty.
13. Federal funding—from another region’s tax base.
14. Shopping centers that are less than 3 years old.
15. One-piece underwear (in Utah, mostly)
16. Gear that requires custom trailers
17. Trampolines
18. Race (not that kind, I’m talking about the Kentucky Derby, Daytona 500, etc)
19. Rude staring.
20. Pronouncing “One nation under God” as “One nationunder God”
21. Hockey
22. Softball
23. The Celtics (the team and borrowed Scottish pride)
24. Cherry-picking MLK quotes about hard work
1. huh? Camaro? No vado, I have a Prius.
2. Don’t try this at (my) home (state) Cal. maybe at Norm’s or Ruby’s or Coco’s in Orange.
3. Any rural area would do, East side Tulsa is one spot.
4. Wal-Mart? May not apply in Quebec Canada or New Jersey.
5. Do intentionally bump into a car with a Palin or McCain campaign sticker.
6. Times two in southern Cal.
7. Becauses the classes have to be in Ebonics (in Oakland Cal.), Spanish (ESL Jr. High Escuela) or Cantonese (UCLA High school)? School segregation seems nostalagic now.
8. Oy! You won’t like the Palestinians either (they’re terrorists), white people are more afraid of them Arabs.
9. Blacks, Mexicans, Thais and Cajuns love it hotter.
10. Send the canned food to those rednecks in the trailer park over there.
11. Ditto, white nerds prone to weird fetishes.
12. Jamaicans? They never pass the whiteness test.
13. Build an opera hall where a hospital is badly needed.
14. Most of them are vacant or new store plans fail.
15. Also whisper a Mormon joke when they aren’t looking.
16. White libs love rural camping, white cons hate rural poverty.
17. And bring on the girls (think of the “Man show”).
18. Never discuss race with anyone, but show off how you may be 1/100th “Cherokee” to someone from Oklahoma.
19. Only Filipinos, Mexicans and Arabs stare…at our women.
20. “God? who? He don’t exist, we follow the enlightened one, Buddha. Our faith has no god really.”
21. How come Nashville has a NHL team, but not Winnipeg?
22. “Chicks play it” but so can they play baseball, soccer, basketball (WNBA) and ice hockey (sexist s.o.b.’s)
23. Redskin nation are their worst enemies (racist name).
24. The inspiration for Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson and the other civil rights leaders with “reverend” titles.
and may I add 3 more on the list?
25. The heat, but not the humidity.
26. World peace, after the war profiting stocks dry up.
and 27. Vegan diets, but will eat a BLT with cheese sub. +
Oh my gosh. I laughed too hard. I think I threw up a little.
congrats! you got the point of the blog! by “white people” the author means “upper middle class urban liberals.”
if you need it spelled out for you, see here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KfRgjW4hFcU
lol jon, lol.
Expensive sandwiches fucking rock, I had one an hour ago a 10 dollar quiznos sub!
Quiznos?
WKOWP
Good sammiches:
1. White bread, real butter, peanut butter (house brand or name-brand equivalent; “natural” peanut butter isn’t salty enough and it has that disgusting oil in it), grape or strawberry jelly.
2. White bread, beef bologna, American or Swiss cheese, Miracle Whip, your favorite mustard.
3. Wheat bread and butter
4. White bread and pimento cheese spread.
5. White or wheat bread and chicken salad.
6. Grilled (American) cheese–white or wheat bread.
Here is one of the best sandwich EVER…. Swear to God.
*Really good, kinda soft (not the hippie hard stuff) multi-grain bread
*1/2 an avocado-dead ripe
*sliced havarti cheese-dill or caraway seed
*sliced roasted red peppers
Place sliced avocado, cheese and roasted red peppers on bread. Dizzle with Annie’s naturals Godess dressing.
YOU’RE WELCOME.
J
The juxtaposition of these two posts are absolutely hilarious. I quite literally laughed out loud at work.
Just found this site from a Slashdot talkback. I think I found my new Fark. I love sammiches. Here is a pretty good (terrible) delicious (sodium filled) sammy:
1. Get a frozen turkey dinner (Hungry man does nicely)
2. Microwave it up
3. Take a good size hero/roll/hoagie (nothing round, something long) and lightly toast it up
4. Put the entire contents of tv dinner meal (or as much as you can fit) unto said lightly toasted roll
5. Enjoy!
Hahaha, I sometimes do that late at night, after I get off of woek (Bartender in a Nightclub…btw, white people love me. They always want to know your name, so as to impress their friends the next time they visit, and in the hopes of a free drink…we like to give them funny fake names, btw…).
Anyways, the TV dinner sammich is an awesome white-trash staple since childhood.
My fave sammich is pretty not expensive, at least for San Fran.
Tommy’s Joynt *Made famous by Metallica as their fave hangout)
Sourdough roll, loads of turkey (They cook 10+ a day, everyday…), some mayo, pepper, I get a turkey gravy cup for the ‘au jus’ effect. All for 5.25. My favorite ‘sneak-in’ for the movies across the street on my days off.
Even the dessert?
[...] Monkey + Expensive Sandwich = Death This monkey was killed by eating an expensive sandwich, #63 from StuffWhitePeopleLike.com. [...]
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