#64 Recycling
February 14, 2008 by clander
Recycling is a part of a larger theme of stuff white people like: saving the earth without having to do that much.
Recycling is fantastic! You can still buy all the stuff you like (bottled water, beer, wine, organic iced tea, and cans of all varieties) and then when you’re done you just put it in a DIFFERENT bin than where you would throw your other garbage. And boom! Environment saved! Everyone feels great, it’s so easy!
This is important because all white feel guilty about producing waste. It doesn’t stop them from doing it, but they feel guilty about it. Deep down, they believe they should be like the Native Americans and use every part of the product or beast they have consumed. Though for many white people, this simply means putting plastic bags into a special drawer where they will accumulate until they are eventually used to carry some gym clothes or bathing suit. Ultimately this drawer will get full and only be emptied when the person moves to a new house. Advanced white recyclers will uses these grocery bags as garbage bags.
If you are in a situation where a white person produces an empty bottle, watch their actions. They will first say “where’s the recycling?” If you say “we don’t recycle,” prepare for some awkwardness. They will make a move to throw the bottle away, they will hesitate, and then ultimately throw the bottle away. But after they return look in their eyes. All they can see is the bottle lasting forever in a landfill, trapping small animals. It will eat at them for days, at this point you should say “I’m just kidding, the recycling is under the sink. Can you fish out that bottle?” And they will do it 100% of the time!
The best advice is that if you plan to deal with white people on regular basis either start recycling or purchase a large blue bin so that they can believe they are recycling.
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[...] Stuff White People like : Recycling [...]
I think the guys who wrote this blog/book are condescending and arrogant not clever and witty. I don’t really think what they wrote was funny but more like mean spirited sarcasm. Sarcasm can be really funny but I don’t think they pull it off. And being white themselves, I get the impression they believe they are above the white people they write about. But what do I care? They’re not writing about me.
i’m black and i’m all for recycling. i live in a mostly white neighborhood and i’ve been trying to get my community to recycle for years…
and i’ll stop dinking my “orang pop” and grape drink when ya’ll stop drinking bottled water and whine.
[...] -Playing children’s games as adults. Ask me how many times my I’m-not-watching-Nick-so-I’m-about-to-get-crunk-woohoo! nights have ended in a game of Twister, or began with a game of Clue, or included The Game of Life at all. Go on, I dare ya. The answer? Practically every single one. Also, I’ve seen the Ron’s Slippin’ Slide Extravaganza video at least a dozen times. And I’ve heard my husband exclaim under his breath, “I wish I could do that” when that car commerical comes on with the adults and the big wheel race. This one. -Grammar. White people love to be grammar snobs, don’t they? I’m no exception. Only I think the word “saw” is awful no matter how grammatically correct it may be. It sounds so hickish that sometimes I refuse to use it properly. But I am big on “You did well” instead of “You did good” or the proper usage of adverbs, which have only recently become a top priority in this house after our last night of drinks and childhood games. – New Balance Shoes. What is it with them? I’ve noticed that white people indeed love themselves some New Balance. Everyone I know, young and old alike, seems to have a pair. Not me, but those closest to me, Mike and Michelle, for sure. – Shorts. I once told Mike that I heard on What Not to Wear that shorts and capris were passe. He said that was the most ridiculous thing he ever heard. He’d die without his shorts. Pants are so much more fashionable, I agree, but sweating is not. – Hating Corporations. I laughed at this one. I have been known to diss a corporation in my day. I’m trying to work on this though because 1) I don’t want to seem snobbish and make people feel weird around me, 2) I sometimes HAVE to shop at those places-particularly Wal-Mart and 3) it seems like it’s such a popular thing now to be anti Wal-Mart or McDonald’s especially. I feel like I can’t even bring either of those up in casual conversation without being ridiculously judged by some pseudo-hippy who thinks she’s better than me because her kids have never had a french fry. Step off, playa hatas. – Recycling. I laughed. A lot. Someone was looking through my window when this was written. Because I can’t do it justice, you must read it here. [...]
If you say so.
Recycling is a Bolshevik plot to undermine our industrial base.
Recycling anything other than aluminium cans is actually damaging to the economy and it costs more to make something out of, say, a recycled water bottle than it would to make it from scratch.
You can claim that it’s not about the money and that it’s about the environment, but then you’d show very clearly that you don’t know shit about what actually goes on at the garbage dump. Garbage dumps (or landfills, whatever) are actually very sanitary and the garbage is buried underground and afterwards the land can be used for other purposes.
[...] One of my snarky-ass friends noted that this perhaps the whitest email ever. [...]
I love this site!! Hilarious. I would like to add another hugely pretentious and annoying new white obsession to the list: “repurposing”. Perhaps you mention it elsewhere…. I believe the three R’s are vitally important, as is conscientious consumption. I’m an avid Etsy shopper myself. I love second hand shops. But why do white people have to be so annoyingly pretentious and talk about all the frickin “repurposing” they’re doing. Jeeze. Yes, I’m white myself.
There’s three R’s people: Reduce, Reuse and Recycle. Stop consuming so much and reduce garbage created.
That goes for you black people and your orange pop as well. Drink water out the tap ya fatass!
Weak^
lmao, this is tru. all my white teachers get mad at us when we put our recycabels in the garbage or paper in the garbage. give us a 10 minutes lecture than go and take the paper or watever to the right spot.. :S
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