#67 Standing Still at Concerts
February 17, 2008 by clander
Music is very important to white people. It truly is the soundtrack to their lives, meaning that white people are constantly thinking about what songs would be on the soundtrack for the biopic. The problem is that most of the music that white people like isn’t really dance-friendly. More often the songs are about pain, or love, or breaking up with someone, or not being able to date someone, or death.
So when white people go to concerts at smaller venues, what to do they do? They stand still! This is an important part of white concert going as it enables you to focus on the music, and it will prevent drawing excess attention to you. Remember, at a concert everyone is watching you just waiting for you to try to start dancing. Then they will make fun of you.
The result is Belle and Sebastian concerts that essentially looks more like a disorganized line of people than a music event.
If you find yourself invited to a concert with a white person, do NOT expect to dance. Prepare yourself for three hours of standing reasonably still. It is also advised to get a beer or (if legal) a cigarette so you have something to do with your hands. Although it is acceptable to occasionally raise one hand and point just above the stage.
Note: the addition of the drug ecstasy changes everything.
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For those who do dance, they seem to enter their own little world, oblivious to the fact that they’re knocking into everyone around them.
Yes. The Grateful Dead. Lots of white people love the Grateful Dead. Even my brother, who won’t admit it to anyone but me.
Deadheads are definitely the exception to this rule.
The exception to this rule would have to be hippy or jam band concerts (i.e. Grateful Dead) in which white people, some with dreadlocks, dance around like crazy.
I definately wouldnt agree with this one. Hippies dance, at Alternative concerts we jump up and down, we just dont dance at rap or latin concerts…. mainly becuase there isnt more than 10 white people in the place.
hence the special note
We don’t dance, because we can’t.
I hate this phenomenon, but it’s totally accurate.
The photo is inaccurate, the tallest, stillest white men will stand in the front. It’s a passive aggressive move by white men to keep their women from getting in front of the band, while pretending they are really into the music. The women might hookup with a musician sadder and pastier than they are.
Untrue. The tallest, stillest white men are usually seen in the front, corralling their women in front of them so that a) they don’t get crushed by the crowd, b) they don’t wander off and get picked up by another, hipper white male.
Actually, lots of white folks DO dance at concerts. But they shouldn’t.
well, if you call that “dancing” … more like flailing
LT Nixon–good white person joke!
Maybe White People like to stand still because it is just so depressing to be at a concert in America, the wealthiest country on the face of this planet.
Try seeing someone other than Dave Matthews. You might enjoy it.
you’re stupid
So perfect.
Rock fist forever
What about Widespread Panic? White people love Panic, and though are plenty of ‘spreadheads’ — white people also love nicknames given to devout fans of a band — that stand nearly perfectly still, I’d say about 70 to 80 percent (white people also love percentages) of the audience is usually dancing, albeit badly and obnoxiously.
The “spiritual” spreadheads like to let everyone know how they are being moved by the music, like maybe they ‘get it’ more than everyone else, because, let’s face it: white people love to one up each other.
what about mosh pits theres moving about in them then a washn machine full of diferrent size golf alls turned to max power which i think is actually an accurate discrtiption of a mosh it
I dare you to find one person standing still at a Radiohead concert.
I agree – they’re all shifting aroung furiously trying to light their bongs. Apparently they need to kill massive amounts of brain cells to take their minds off the fact they paid $80 to listen to that garbage.
i think they sort of TRY to dance; that’s what the standing still is. but the music is so inherently non-danceable. there is a hilarious Phish video on youtube of hundreds of poor bastards randomly bobbing up and down, in place, to the noodling, beatless sound.
but what about ska?
But what about ska?
Seconded. I dance like crazy at Ska concerts!
Ska!!! yes, white people…nay, all people love to dance the ska.
cool white people hate ska
played out in the 90s
I pooped my pants
whoever wrote this clearly doesnt know about the disco biscuits… they are impossible to not dance to, even when not on E!
you don’t need dope to dance fan! bisco puts the untz in untzing.
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