#67 Standing Still at Concerts
February 17, 2008 by clander
Music is very important to white people. It truly is the soundtrack to their lives, meaning that white people are constantly thinking about what songs would be on the soundtrack for the biopic. The problem is that most of the music that white people like isn’t really dance-friendly. More often the songs are about pain, or love, or breaking up with someone, or not being able to date someone, or death.
So when white people go to concerts at smaller venues, what to do they do? They stand still! This is an important part of white concert going as it enables you to focus on the music, and it will prevent drawing excess attention to you. Remember, at a concert everyone is watching you just waiting for you to try to start dancing. Then they will make fun of you.
The result is Belle and Sebastian concerts that essentially looks more like a disorganized line of people than a music event.
If you find yourself invited to a concert with a white person, do NOT expect to dance. Prepare yourself for three hours of standing reasonably still. It is also advised to get a beer or (if legal) a cigarette so you have something to do with your hands. Although it is acceptable to occasionally raise one hand and point just above the stage.
Note: the addition of the drug ecstasy changes everything.
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you forgot “White people like to stand still and say “WHOOO” when the music makes them feel good, but not good enough to dance. White people especially like to stand still at hip hop concerts and call back whatever the MC tells them to. This gives them a feeling of accomplishment and participation.
if this is true then what the hell do you think goes on at metal and hardcore concerts. people go way crazier at these than any other ones. just look up mosh pit, wall of death, circle pit, etc. on youtube.
Right on! However, I’m not a fan of ‘hardcore dancing’. Metal is pretty white… and you get the craziest people who are REALLY into the music, so into it that they headbang, crowdsurf, and go nuts.
is that dancing? it is more like a VERY disorganized line, with angry people in it.
Shut up!
ps-I’m dead
This only applies to America. We know how to have fun in the UK. Except in Yorkshire. People stand still in Yorkshire.
Does the kind of Stuff White People Like include things like
Justice, Equality, and Truth?
http://www.survival-international.org
You know, I attended a Junior League function years ago, and we had to go to Miami (!) to deal with some Hispanic refugees. Some of the girls had names like Justicia, Egualidad, and so forth. Kind of cute and clever to name your kids that way… We told the girls to call us when they were ready to seek jobs as maids.
Muff
Only the thought of it. By the way, yours must be the lamest comment ever. Hey, I know, I will push my site about justice equality and truth on a joke website! But, white people do like broad terms like “justice, equality and truth.” Everyone knows that minorities hate these ideas more than anything.
wow. I am sure that this was meant to be funny. everyone seems to be taking it a bit to far with the f bombs and the n word. I wonder how many people, if put in the same room together, would say these things aloud? it’s crazy to me that people are saying “F white people” or “this isn’t true, and here’s why…”
learn to laugh. it’s fun, I swear.
I’m finding the number of people who actually believe all this toss to be true hilarious. The articles themselves are kind of feeble.
I’d love to see the reactions at a “Stuff Black People Like” page. Instantly be accused of racism I reckon
This site/blog DOES actually exist. I stumbled upon it this weekend (I’m sure I’m pretty late/behind with all these “Stuff ___ People Like” blogs. But, they’re pretty funny none the less.
I’m black. And, still, I found most of the things on that site (just like on this site) wildly exaggerated and stereotyped.
And in the end, after spending an hour or so being compelled to read all of the comments, I couldn’t help but bust out loud with a great big laugh. ..Then nod my head and say/think, “how sad.” ..But still funny.
CHECK THIS ONE OUT!!!
http://stuffblackpeoplehate.com/2008/03/14/stupid-names/
I guarante you will be on the floor, within seconds, holding your spleen trying to stop yourself from laughing. And, of course, taking pleasure in the equally flippant steretypes called out in “Stuff Black People Like.”
This particular one hones in on the god-aweful, and professionally-condemning, names that some l(ess intelligent) black people proudly (or, defiantly) choose to name their poor, unsuspecting children.
..Then, of course, most grow up to proudly fulfill the social-stigma of their (a-hem) names(?).
Please, white people do the annoying hippie dance where they wave there arms fluidly (like when you do the wave thing sticking your arm out the window) at concerts that wouldn’t be classified as hippy. That drives me crazy. Having to dodge all the potheads or drunkies just to get to the bathroom.
amen sista. but still, they are not dancing, they are expressing their retardation.
White guy here… I thought I’d add a late comment on dancing.
For most people (of all races), dancing is a significant challenge because it requires moving gracefully in three-dimensional space. I believe that to be a relatively uncommon ability. (This does not apply to dances with well-defined moves. I’m speaking of spontaneous wiggling.) Rhythm, on the other hand, is easier to grasp for most. (Aside: In my case, I played multiple instruments as a youth. No problems there…)
In the 3-d movement area, I’d say I’m in the 5th percentile at best. To put it another way, I suck at that stuff. It affects my performance in a large number of fields (e.g., carpentry). No big deal… I have other abilities.
So, dancing is not my preferred mode of self-expression. I won’t say that I never feel propelled by a rhythm, but it stops there. Maybe I’ll tap my foot or bob my head a little bit.
I guess I don’t have much interest in doing something that I can’t *do* well. Is that OK? I’ve seen a lot of resentful comments here about people that sit still “like rocks.” Many are accompanied by psychobabble about how the non-dancers must be “repressed.” Whatever… I think the psychology of our group is more varied than you might guess.
mosh pit is their favorite too
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