#67 Standing Still at Concerts
February 17, 2008 by clander
Music is very important to white people. It truly is the soundtrack to their lives, meaning that white people are constantly thinking about what songs would be on the soundtrack for the biopic. The problem is that most of the music that white people like isn’t really dance-friendly. More often the songs are about pain, or love, or breaking up with someone, or not being able to date someone, or death.
So when white people go to concerts at smaller venues, what to do they do? They stand still! This is an important part of white concert going as it enables you to focus on the music, and it will prevent drawing excess attention to you. Remember, at a concert everyone is watching you just waiting for you to try to start dancing. Then they will make fun of you.
The result is Belle and Sebastian concerts that essentially looks more like a disorganized line of people than a music event.
If you find yourself invited to a concert with a white person, do NOT expect to dance. Prepare yourself for three hours of standing reasonably still. It is also advised to get a beer or (if legal) a cigarette so you have something to do with your hands. Although it is acceptable to occasionally raise one hand and point just above the stage.
Note: the addition of the drug ecstasy changes everything.
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love it! http://www.SHOP-LUSCIOUS.com
that last sentence is soooo true! gahahaha!
Ah, but culturally we CAN’T dance because if we do Ian will stop the concert. We all must hear Fugazi.
This does not include hippies (whom are also mostly white); because hippies do not stand still at concerts.. i guess they may be on ecstasy, or some other drug which does indeed change everything…but i guess that would be something else that white people like
“going to camping/music festivals”
OMG….I must be part something else because I could ever stand still at a concert…..I can’t even stand still with my Ipod on!!!! Life would be such a bitch without music and dancing my ass offf……..My “white” husband, on the other hand, can’t dance, my first “white” husband couldn’t either. Has never bothered me, though……
White people can’t and shouldn’t dance. They display quite the sad spectacle and you can’t help but feel extreme embarassment for them.
[...] Just don’t expect us to dance. [...]
Sometimes, though, we white people like to pretend that we’re dancing – typically when attending a show like “Fela!,” where standing totally still would draw too much attention. And then what will people do? They will make fun of you …
This is true.
White people can’t dance…
Well, white guys can’t dance.
And most of us don’t WANT to dance.
We have absolutely NO DESIRE to do it. None.
We don’t understand (but don’t criticize dancers) why people do it or expect us to do it.
And, NO, we will not enjoy it. Never.
[...] you wonder why one of the favorite pastimes of white folks is not dancing at concerts. Although the Stuff White People Like piece was mostly made in reference to snide hipsters [...]
[...] Just a reminder for anyone attending a non-pindrop-silence-singer/songwriter concert… the people on stage feed off you. They want you to respond. They want you to move. I couldn’t help but think of #67 on the list of Stuff White People Like during the show (http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/2008/02/17/68-standing-still-at-concerts/) [...]
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