#67 Standing Still at Concerts
February 17, 2008 by clander
Music is very important to white people. It truly is the soundtrack to their lives, meaning that white people are constantly thinking about what songs would be on the soundtrack for the biopic. The problem is that most of the music that white people like isn’t really dance-friendly. More often the songs are about pain, or love, or breaking up with someone, or not being able to date someone, or death.
So when white people go to concerts at smaller venues, what to do they do? They stand still! This is an important part of white concert going as it enables you to focus on the music, and it will prevent drawing excess attention to you. Remember, at a concert everyone is watching you just waiting for you to try to start dancing. Then they will make fun of you.
The result is Belle and Sebastian concerts that essentially looks more like a disorganized line of people than a music event.
If you find yourself invited to a concert with a white person, do NOT expect to dance. Prepare yourself for three hours of standing reasonably still. It is also advised to get a beer or (if legal) a cigarette so you have something to do with your hands. Although it is acceptable to occasionally raise one hand and point just above the stage.
Note: the addition of the drug ecstasy changes everything.
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ecstasy DOES change everything.
I went to see a band in a small club in Denver and while everyone was standing around listening to the good music being played this one random woman in her 40s gets up and starts gyrating right by the stage in front of everyone. They weren’t playing music you could really dance to so this made the situation all the more weird. Needless to say no one joined her. She didn’t seem to care being the only one dancing for the entire 45-minute set.
Plus, her dancing was very bad. Think of Elaine from Seinfeld dancing and then having a seizure. That bad.
Being a musician, when I go to concerts, I get more pleasure from watching the band play their music and being able to listen to it.
That, and I suck at dancing.
Guilty as charged.
Once, I went to see my friend;s band play at a small bar. It was mostly 30 something white people there, standing still for their performance. Once they were done another band started playing and my friend from Pakistan and my freind from Madagascar began to dance. The white people were amazed, glaring and smiling at my friends. One woman was so taken back she took pictures.
Once, I went to see my friend;s band play at a small bar. It was mostly 30 something white people there, standing still for their performance. Once they were done another band started playing and my friend from Pakistan and my freind from Madagascar began to dance. The white people were amazed, glaring and smiling at my friends. One woman was so taken back she took pictures.
Clander, you taught me my lesson for today…..
Learn a lesson from Mel Brooks on the founders of movies, music & TV, as well a majority of actors or performers.
If there wasn’t the Jews, the Gypsies and the Gays,
You wouldn’t have entertainment…
and you won’t have Hollywood.
He forgot to add the Black dancers, but we get the picture.
And Will Rogers is a famed Cherokee-Indian/white cowboy mixture of an entertainer (comedian and writers) was one of the first residents of Beverly…Hills, that is. +
OMG! THIS IS SO FUNNY! AND TRUE!
[...] Just don’t expect us to dance. [...]
One of the things I hated about Bonaroo was the fact white people just stood there and I hated this because it’s fucking crowded and if you stand still to long your feet begin to fucking hurt. So dance or get the fuck out of the way and don’t fucking sit on the ground in the crowd or I will kick you what do you expect i didn’t see you you fucking tard.
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