#67 Standing Still at Concerts
February 17, 2008 by clander
Music is very important to white people. It truly is the soundtrack to their lives, meaning that white people are constantly thinking about what songs would be on the soundtrack for the biopic. The problem is that most of the music that white people like isn’t really dance-friendly. More often the songs are about pain, or love, or breaking up with someone, or not being able to date someone, or death.
So when white people go to concerts at smaller venues, what to do they do? They stand still! This is an important part of white concert going as it enables you to focus on the music, and it will prevent drawing excess attention to you. Remember, at a concert everyone is watching you just waiting for you to try to start dancing. Then they will make fun of you.
The result is Belle and Sebastian concerts that essentially looks more like a disorganized line of people than a music event.
If you find yourself invited to a concert with a white person, do NOT expect to dance. Prepare yourself for three hours of standing reasonably still. It is also advised to get a beer or (if legal) a cigarette so you have something to do with your hands. Although it is acceptable to occasionally raise one hand and point just above the stage.
Note: the addition of the drug ecstasy changes everything.
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I see more racism in some of the comments to this blog than in the blog post itself.
there is a difference between highlighting funny things about a culture and making dichotomous and judgmental statments that draw negative distinctions between cultures.
Maybe white people would rather stand still than get in a circle and perform an African rain dance.:)
…..just like Missy Elliot once said, “I can’t stand the rainnn.”
Though Boony, you forgot that African rain dancing is a tribal ritual (performed in the bush, in Africa). …And the author of this blog is most likely not a tribal African. …Nor 99% of the black people who attend concerts and prefer hip-hop over rock music in the U.S. So the chances of them huddling together in a circle hoo’ing and haww’ing to summon the rain is highly unlikely.
Though, the possiblily of a gun going off, someone’s wallet getting stolen, or someone getting jumped or sexually assulted (at a more black dominated concert/event), IS highly likely.
It’s the truth. The statistics speak for themselves.
I’m a whitey but I dance round to dah blues like a tr00 negro!
God, what am I saying… Yeah, it’s true though.
ha ha har!! ecstasy the end part is so true
but like all good stories, only works as a great ending because it has a great beginning
alicemary “it’s worse in england. I’m certain of this.”
I think it’s even worserer in London. Us Londoners just tend to stand there with our arms folded, and a “try and impress me” attitude on our faces.
Thing is, i’m all in favour of this sort of behaviour. People who want to still be in ‘rock’ bands in this day and age, should be treated with nothing but contempt!
Huh. I wonder if the other white people at concerts are staring at me wondering why I’m dancing… I’ve never noticed this!
Hahaha… white people are also good at proving others wrong. Nice job David. One for the team, baby!
Belle and Sebastian was a bad example, especially if you’ve ever been to a concert. here’s some proof.
http://www.filter-mag.com/index.php?c=11&lid=540
The shins would have less dancing and more standing.
White people love Target and find it completely acceptable to shop for clothes and household decor items there, while they will not admit to buying the same items from K-Mart and Walmart.
LOL!! This is so true, not just white people but that liberal, “anti-racist”, socialist class dominated by whites. As if the clothes at Target don’t come from the same “sweatshops” as Walmart.
White people like to argue seriously with satirical writers who will only use thier geeky indignance for future jokes.
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