#67 Standing Still at Concerts
February 17, 2008 by clander
Music is very important to white people. It truly is the soundtrack to their lives, meaning that white people are constantly thinking about what songs would be on the soundtrack for the biopic. The problem is that most of the music that white people like isn’t really dance-friendly. More often the songs are about pain, or love, or breaking up with someone, or not being able to date someone, or death.
So when white people go to concerts at smaller venues, what to do they do? They stand still! This is an important part of white concert going as it enables you to focus on the music, and it will prevent drawing excess attention to you. Remember, at a concert everyone is watching you just waiting for you to try to start dancing. Then they will make fun of you.
The result is Belle and Sebastian concerts that essentially looks more like a disorganized line of people than a music event.
If you find yourself invited to a concert with a white person, do NOT expect to dance. Prepare yourself for three hours of standing reasonably still. It is also advised to get a beer or (if legal) a cigarette so you have something to do with your hands. Although it is acceptable to occasionally raise one hand and point just above the stage.
Note: the addition of the drug ecstasy changes everything.
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I’m 15 and only went to one concert and you’re right. No one danced until the end and even then it was just jumping in place. They just kinda moved around a little so I just filmed the whole concert clearly…from the floor. The ground fucking floor. That’s really saying something.
HAHA, really now? So, every weekend, when I go to shows, I’m just imagining all of the white people moving about and dancing? Now black people, I never see them in the pit…or at shows at all. And the shows are in a city that’s maybe 60% black? yeah, fuck you.
yeah bell & sebastian/of montreal/arcade fire aren’t really danceable bands. Obviously if you are at a Brand New show people are going to be in the pit. The point is that white people like music that can’t be danced to, and emo music that can only be danced to badly. That’s why there are no black people at those shows. Black people know how to dance, not waste time standing around.
Dude, relax. It’s a joke.
He’s referring to emo bands, mild indie rock, and John Mayer. And he’s referring to left-wing 20-something hipsters as “white people” like he does for everything on this list.
Also, African Americans don’t exactly apply to post-hardcore punk or metal, because heavy metal also belongs on this list.
On a final note, when was the last time you saw a white person breakdance well?
You could probably ignore everything I’ve said, but please, dude, just take a joke.
Are there a few black people in hard rock bands, but the soft Hootie and the Blowfish appeals to folks like SWPL. I knew the story of American punk in the late 1970s Los Angeles after branching out its British roots had a huge following among Hispanic/Chicano rockers at the time. +
omg i never noticed that. then again i never notice anything
lmao
Now that maybe so for them Wussy Concerts…. But the Country ones you dont stand still…. If you do you will get Pissed on and Tabbaca spat on and puked on.. or end up in a fight for blockin the View! You gotta keep moving! Heck if you dont you might miss the Topless Line wave the Hotties do in the back rows! Nope that must be one of them Cure concerts… where the fellas wear that heavy makeup like Grandma on sunday. Standing still is for Wussys.
You paint such an attractive picture of country music concerts. I’m so sad I missed that experience!
omg- as a white girl for 42 years I never new this!! This must be a new ‘white rule’. When I started going to concerts in the 80s (yes I still love the 80s, duh, I’m white) me and my white friends danced our butts off!
In the early 90s I saw Sting in Miami; and (after a ‘concert-going-hiatus’ of several years) I was flabbergasted when people were just sitting or around. Now when I saw the Police in Detroit back in the early 80s, we tore it up! I thought it was a Miami vs Detroit thing. But since then I have witnessed this, in my mind, crazy phenomenon over and over!
In the words of my friend Anita (who happens to be black :] ), Sometimes I just don’t get my people
[...] that I’m trying to come up with a soundtrack to my life, but the Fleet Foxes’ music evokes a quintessential Northwest essence. If I wanted to get [...]
If the tickets are really spendy and it’s a Dave Matthews show, then the uber cool white guys will play hackey sack in the rear of the venue and act oblivious to the tunes.
Gotta go now, I don’t want to be late for yoga.
oh that takes the cake!!!!!!!!!!!!
paying a lot of money to attend a concert so you can act cool playing hackysack ,like you don’t even care about the band? And for that matter, do any hackysack players EVER play somewhere where there are no people to watch them play. WHat about playing in their own fenced backyards? No, always somewhere where they can say, (without saying it) look how cool I am, I’m playing hackysack. The best thing to do is to not acknowledge them in any way
I love to dance! I am the brown girl jumping around like there is something wrong with her. My favorite is standing right up with the shy “still” people and dancing and getting them to dance and then leaving and they stop! Try it it does work!
One weekend I got stuck in Indianapolis and went to a carribbean restaurant. I saw a flyer a dance being put on by the carribbean american association or something. It was the only time I ever truly danced at a show and it was because my friend and I were the only white folks so we felt like if we *didnt* dance then we would be watched and laughed at rather than celebrated for being the white girls who came from out of nowhere.
Oh My goodness! I couldn’t help but laugh at this one. It is entirely true. Living in Austin, Tx, there are plenty of opportunities to see, and listen to live music. What is entertaining is watching how people react to the music. Don’t get me wrong, I’m white, and love concerts. I do like to watch, sometimes I’ll stand still, other times, I’ll move to it. What I do notice is the vast majority of the other white people in the audience tend to enjoy standing completely still, as if in a trance.
What makes a concert is actuall enjoying the concert/ live show, getting into it, walking around, talking to people, dancing, smoking (legal and non legal), drinking and being part of the experience. When I go with friends, some will stand as still as a post, others will dance as if the music was punching them all over. Very funny stuff.
-s.
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