#67 Standing Still at Concerts
February 17, 2008 by clander
Music is very important to white people. It truly is the soundtrack to their lives, meaning that white people are constantly thinking about what songs would be on the soundtrack for the biopic. The problem is that most of the music that white people like isn’t really dance-friendly. More often the songs are about pain, or love, or breaking up with someone, or not being able to date someone, or death.
So when white people go to concerts at smaller venues, what to do they do? They stand still! This is an important part of white concert going as it enables you to focus on the music, and it will prevent drawing excess attention to you. Remember, at a concert everyone is watching you just waiting for you to try to start dancing. Then they will make fun of you.
The result is Belle and Sebastian concerts that essentially looks more like a disorganized line of people than a music event.
If you find yourself invited to a concert with a white person, do NOT expect to dance. Prepare yourself for three hours of standing reasonably still. It is also advised to get a beer or (if legal) a cigarette so you have something to do with your hands. Although it is acceptable to occasionally raise one hand and point just above the stage.
Note: the addition of the drug ecstasy changes everything.
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Mosh pits were invented by white people to help them easily identify the wrong type of white people. Tricky, tricky.
I will always dance. Fuck that noise.
I think the author should add Radiohead to his list of things that white people like or at least reference them in this or the indie rock article. Every pretentious white person I have ever met considers Radiohead to be the best band in the history of human existence. However, if you truly want to offend the avid Radiohead fan, ask them what their favorite Radiohead album is – whatever their answer is, you should respond that your favorite Radiohead album is “Pablo Honey” and that you really like that song “Creep.” Pablo Honey was Radiohead’s first album and Creep was a massively successful single, which is often played at major sporting events or commercial festivals. This will offend the Radiohead fan due to the fact that they consider Radiohead to be the major anti-establishment musical act of our time and since Radiohead’s first album was such a commercial success and is known by the “wrong kind of white people” they will take this comment very personally.
oh dear, this is 100 percent true, because I am the pretentious person that hates both creep and pablo honey.
it’s not that i feel like i can’t like it, it’s just that pablo honey = bad sonic youth.
Oh, you. There is no such thing as bad Sonic Youth!
I’m sure people have mentioned the Grateful Dead, but most in the crowd just noodle around, which is fine and dandy. Go to any show by a band like the Disco Biscuits or Sound Tribe Sector Nine or Brothers Past or any number of electronic influenced groups and 99% of the crowd is white and throwing down like maniacs. There are exceptions, but of course there are many types of white people! We are versatile!
Lamb of God? Was this the 2008 Coachella Music fest? I manage to be there this year. Sheesh, I was present in the crowd. I passed the whiteness test, but waited 10 years to get in once in my life. Everyone was freaking out in the 100 plus degree heat. ROCK ON! +
Dude, you should go to a Metal or Hardcore Concert. I’ve broken ribs and gotten black eyes in the pit. MOst people there mosh
AMEN TO THAT MAN!!!!
thnx 4 callin em out on this 1
At a concert in Seattle, I was turned down by three chicks before I started dancing solo, getting looks of scorn from many in the crowd. I am a bad dancer, but I am worse at playing statue.
Fortunately, a harder band came on stage later, and I could join the mosh pit without further condescension. The majority still stood and stared.
If you feel it, jump around. If not, please don’t hate.
I have been to a lot of concerts and either the white people mosh or they stand with a little bit of swaying from side to side [very subtle]. I am white but I have to dance… even if I dance retarded
LMAOOOO!! I went to a Nas/Kweli concert last year and all the white people were standing, arms folded, tapping their feet. Who does that at a hip hop concert? Why not just watch it online?!?
My experience has always been that awkward side-to-side type of movement that almost qualifies as a dance.
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