#67 Standing Still at Concerts
February 17, 2008 by clander
Music is very important to white people. It truly is the soundtrack to their lives, meaning that white people are constantly thinking about what songs would be on the soundtrack for the biopic. The problem is that most of the music that white people like isn’t really dance-friendly. More often the songs are about pain, or love, or breaking up with someone, or not being able to date someone, or death.
So when white people go to concerts at smaller venues, what to do they do? They stand still! This is an important part of white concert going as it enables you to focus on the music, and it will prevent drawing excess attention to you. Remember, at a concert everyone is watching you just waiting for you to try to start dancing. Then they will make fun of you.
The result is Belle and Sebastian concerts that essentially looks more like a disorganized line of people than a music event.
If you find yourself invited to a concert with a white person, do NOT expect to dance. Prepare yourself for three hours of standing reasonably still. It is also advised to get a beer or (if legal) a cigarette so you have something to do with your hands. Although it is acceptable to occasionally raise one hand and point just above the stage.
Note: the addition of the drug ecstasy changes everything.
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Thats why you don’t go to a concert of a band that you would cry to lmfao.
You go to a concert that plays music that you can mosh, grind, or jump around to.
Actually the only people who really dance at concerts are usually white…
http://www.beabetterproducer.com
What about Woodstock? They (white people) did much more than stand still or dance. White people invented great rock concerts.
If I get the right idea from this site, “white” refers to a certain part of society, and not ALL people of European descent.
Never Seen a “Man Man” Concert must be.
[...] my wang in spandex was everything ancillary to the music. Most notably, the textbook case study in Stuff White People Like #67: standing still at concerts. Seriously, this is David Bowie you guys. It’s hard not to get down to David Bowie, no matter how [...]
Come on, dance like a retard
Life’s an endless party not a punch card
I don’t understand some people’s drive
Let’s just fuck and drink and be alive,
not just survive
[...] have been reflecting recently that all of the music I like is exceedingly white. I usually stand still at concerts, too. [↩]Cue groans from the audience [↩]That song also happens to have one of my [...]
“white people are constantly thinking about what songs would be on the soundtrack for the biopic.”
Hahaha dead on..
Well, I would say that the instance of metal concerts is an exception to the rule. As there is much moshing, and crowd surfing and headbanging.
People who attend metal concerts are the wrong kind of white people. If you say you like metal/hardcore around the type of white people this blog is targeting you will be met with awkward silence, exasperated sighs and pitying stares (mostly because they know they will be unable to impress you with their incomparable musical knowledge and because you know many obscure bands that they do not). The group will then judge you as being uninformed, immature, provincial and brutish. The conversation will then turn to how corporations rape poor countries (even though multi-national corporations sponsor the various outdoor concerts which these individuals frequent) and how great free health care would be in the United States (although this view is mostly held by douche-bag white people who only want socialized medicine so they can continue working part-time at a coffee house/not-for-profit/non-chain restaurant and avoid obtaining a full-time job that provides health insurance, which would rob them of their free time to write poetry/blog/read leftist literature/find annoying liberal youtube videos to email to their friends).
Thanks DeLay for working so hard! I’m a douche-bag white PhD who really can’t stand working more that 3 days a week. But the jokes on you since what I earn in 3 days take you 9 days to earn! Ha ha ha. Then I lounge around at the ‘Zone drinking coffee and discussing the latest MOMA retrospective – while your busy paddling your little boat up the creek.
I can’t wait for that socialized medicine so all the lazy bums can get coverage. It’ll happen, not matter how loudly the DeLays of the world scream their tirades – at this point it’s a lock.
“and how great free health care would be in the United States (although this view is mostly held by douche-bag white people who only want socialized medicine so they can continue working part-time at a coffee house/not-for-profit/non-chain restaurant and avoid obtaining a full-time job that provides health insurance, which would rob them of their free time to write poetry/blog/read leftist literature/find annoying liberal youtube videos to email to their friends).”
as opposed to working hard at Applebees full time, listening to metal, and getting spotty health coverage from a chain? You disgust me you brute!
Yeah, DeLay may not have worked hard at that, cuz that account seemed to have rolled off smoothly, and sort of accurately as a satire of how some white people seem. Seem.
DeLay sees it rightly.
Satire keeps it fresh!
Thing is BigFrank what DeLay said is pretty much how the rest of the country feels about the white people described here. It is kind of the reason that nobody except white children of privileged parents who want to stand up to the man by blogging or save the planet by recycling are taken seriously by each other and nobody else on the planet…
Oh, argument over guys everyone feels this way so it must be true.
What PnP doesn’t realize the only reason that “the rest of the country” feels that way is because they’re idiots. And he’s just speaking out of his ass about “[everybody] else on the planet”, something tells me he’s never been to any european country at all, or even out of his native state of texas.
as someone who lived in europe for 22 years, i can safely say that universal healthcare was one of the most wonderful luxuries i had, and it’s something i truly miss.
max, any ideas to take home with you from Old Europe? America is full of “new ideas” and California is “radical” than the traditional back east. Nowadays, the whole world views America as a tribal warrior looking to fight and California as an unrealistic way of life…and both I happen to agree. +
fuck moshes, have you ever seen a white dude with dread locks tripping their face off with acid? they dont stop dancing… even when the music is done and they are eating their vegan granola bars… now if this concert was john mayer, or buckcherry then no… its gay to dance but if youre tripping balls dancing is mandatory
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