#67 Standing Still at Concerts
February 17, 2008 by clander
Music is very important to white people. It truly is the soundtrack to their lives, meaning that white people are constantly thinking about what songs would be on the soundtrack for the biopic. The problem is that most of the music that white people like isn’t really dance-friendly. More often the songs are about pain, or love, or breaking up with someone, or not being able to date someone, or death.
So when white people go to concerts at smaller venues, what to do they do? They stand still! This is an important part of white concert going as it enables you to focus on the music, and it will prevent drawing excess attention to you. Remember, at a concert everyone is watching you just waiting for you to try to start dancing. Then they will make fun of you.
The result is Belle and Sebastian concerts that essentially looks more like a disorganized line of people than a music event.
If you find yourself invited to a concert with a white person, do NOT expect to dance. Prepare yourself for three hours of standing reasonably still. It is also advised to get a beer or (if legal) a cigarette so you have something to do with your hands. Although it is acceptable to occasionally raise one hand and point just above the stage.
Note: the addition of the drug ecstasy changes everything.
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i dont get it. wat do u mean by white people? europeans love to dance and rock out at concerts. and they’re white.
Americans inherit this from 1800′s victorian England on how to act “properly” or “civilized”, compared to the wild crazy emotional tempered etc. non-Anglo Europeans (France?). To go into plays and movies are one thing, but in sports games and concerts it is tolerated to be cheering. This isn’t church, school or work…this is fun! Be loud and proud. +
I went to see The Shins perform about 3 months ago. Many of their fans are white, so the whole room was still (it was even standing room format!). I’m not complaining though. Most of their songs are impossible to dance to. Plus, the lack of pushing made it easy to take great pictures of the band.
I thought it was weird to be shushed and told to sit down at Paul McCartney (decidedly white)(and old, I guess). But I was also shushed and told to sit down at the Super Bowl. What do you make of that?
I was shushed and told to sit down at the Paul McCartney concert! So I turned and told the guy “dude, you’re at a rock and roll show!”, to which other residents of my row responded by also standing up and dancing, one even telling the man behind me that I can do whatever I want because I am enjoying the show.
I’ll never forget going to a rock concert and some white dude asked me to sit down! I was rockin out and said “WTF it’s a rock show!!” NIN concert btw
Maybe white rocker kids cant dance but go to the House clubs in Ny or DC or Philly and you will see white house heads sick with liquid or pops…I’m latino we’re the best dancers of all no doubt.
music can bring the mind places in more sophisticated manners than dancing. we’ve passed the tribal stage, now we can appreciate the sounds of talent, not soulja boy’s retarded ass.
Yeah, thanks for that astute anthropological revelation, Bran-man.
this is maybe the whitest thing ive ever read in my entire life
Agreed.
What’s with manners anyway when everyone seems “rude” than ever before? Sheesh…try to drive on a road, get cut or flipped, and the worst part is the traffic light intersection. To stand still is to show some respect, if you’re in a hard rock or hip-hop concert…you’re gonna look like a dweeb xD
Congrats, you won the “Most retarded Statement of the Day” award. And may I quote “Music can bring the mind places in more sophisticated manners than dancing.” That would have been okay, but the addition of “We’ve passed the tribal stage” completely tarnished the lame point you were trying to make.
Just because retards like Soulja Boy exist, doesn’t make dance any less “sophisticated”. Granted, not all good music requires dancing, but to claim that not dancing is some form of progression is just plain stupid. And frankly, makes you sound like a douche.
It take a powerful force, such as James Brown to make white people dance at concerts. Exhibit A…
http://www.beabetterproducer.com/music-in-progress/james-brown-sex-machineget-on-the-good-foot-live-1976/
True, funk gets in your bones. On the flipside, metal will make a white guy move. Being that we can’t actually dance, we just slam into each other. Come to think of it, we’ve always liked our music fast, too! Ever since the days of classical (“flight of the bumblebee” anyone?). Fast novelty-piano styles, fiddle music, bluegrass, punk, metal & then some techno styles (like gabba). Gotta be fast & hasta march somewhat (must be something in our dna). I think sometimes (especially w/ punk, this what to make up for not knowing how to play their guitars..lol)
that guy with the red bandana on his wrist is cute
so fucking true. god what is with white people and personal space in concerts?
or maybe just “public space” in general…. very very white obsession
I was at a concert the other night and every time people started punching everyone started to yell and scream wtf is going on im going to punch those people who are pushing!! Come on its a concert, people are going to push.
I WANT A MILLION DOLLARS!!! Can one million RICH WHITE PEOPLE send me one dollar apiece, puh-lease????
I don’t want money from any Asians, or Blacks or Hispanics. You guys NEED your money. I only want one dollar apiece from RICH WHITE PEOPLE who seem to WASTE their money on concerts by standing still.
Waste it on me instead. Thanks so much! (First person who comments “You ARE a waste.” is a rotten egg. You thought it. I know you did. Stop lying. See? I knew it.)
http://thepighasacurlytail.wordpress.com/million-dollar-fund/
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