#78 Multilingual Children
February 28, 2008 by clander
All white people want their children to speak another language. There are no exceptions. They dream about the children drifting in between French and English sentences as they bustle about the kitchen while they read the New York Times and listen to Jazz.
As white people age, they start to feel more and more angry with their parents for raising them in a monolingual home. At some point in their lives, most white people attempt to learn a second language and are generally unable to get past ordering in a restaurant or over-pronouncing a few key words. This failure is not attributed to their lack of effort, but rather their parents who didn’t teach them a new language during their formative years.
White people believe that if they had been given French language instruction when they were younger, their lives would have turned out very differently. Instead of living in the US, they would be living and working abroad for the United Nations or some other organization with a headquarters in Switzerland or The Hague.
Generally, white people prefer their children to speak French. Advanced white people will actually spend outrageous amounts of money to send their children to a Lycee or Ecole Francaise. But the vast majority will abandon their dreams when they realize that need a second mortgage so their child can have a better study abroad experience in France.
Languages such as German, Spanish, Swedish, or Italian are also acceptable, but are considered to be poor substitutes (especially Spanish). At the time of writing, it is still considered expert-level white person behavior to have white children speaking Asian and African languages.
There is only one way to use this information to your advantage: speaking another language means that white people are more likely to want to have children with you. It is seen as a cheaper alternative to language schools.
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Je parle francaise tres bien, n’cest-pas?
*n’est-ce pas*
I think Taylor’s spelling and syntax errors just about prove the point this post makes.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in Spanish! Why not get out the analog antennaes still useful to receive Mexican TV? How low-class is that? The redneck families’ kids need to find available work and opportunities, besides most factory jobs are in Mexico anyway. ssshhh! No hable espanol. +
I speak French & Vietnamese fluently. Unforuntately, I’m not white
*sighs* c’est la vie…
My parents were dying to have me learn french, then I took spanish…wow now it’s like I’m illiterate in two new languages! Fortunately, writing for http://StuffRichPeopleLove.com means I get to use foreign phrases from time to time to sound arrogant. Hey amanda (see next comment) you know might not know about arrogance but you know what it’s like to be ignorant right?
My parents were dying to have me learn french, then I took spanish…wow now it’s like I’m illiterate in two new languages! Fortunately, writing for http://StuffRichPeopleLove.com means I get to use foreign phrases from time to time to sound ignorant. Hey amanda (see next comment) you know what it’s like to be ignorant right?
how about some of the blacks, some barely speak english yet they also speak eubonics and gangstah.
I love this list post, it is so true! I love this whole site, actually, because I love pea coats, hummus, reading by the water, etc. I also like how the other comments for multilingual children are so earnest. I happen to be a white person married to someone who speaks another language, and the irony is not lost on me. While I married for love, I would be dishonest if I said that knowing any children we have will learn a foreign language for free didn’t cause me to say, secretly to myself, “BONUS!”. My sister has also married someone who speaks another language, and that’s a double bonus because both of our children have access to free instruction for two non-English languages!
WOW your a hater
Being the product of a billingual child dream, I have to say the pros outweigh the uselessness of this second language. Not only is it good for a government job or being able to teach other people’s children this wonderful new skill, it is also great for being able to eavesdrop on conversations that people probably hope you can’t understand. Fortunately French is a national language in Canada and the public school system dishes out immersion or billingual programs (for many different languages) like candy to hopeful parents who wish to add culture to their children’s lives. And on the plus side, if your child never uses the language later in life, you can guarantee the companies that make english/______ dictionaries plenty of sales as your child will likely only know a word in one of the multiple languages he or she knows.
Wow! I love it that my Grandkids live in Germany and speak German and English back and forth! I just got back!
I know it is really racist of me not to want them to be ignorant crackers. But I will have to live with my shame!
I am German and living in Germany,an almost monolingual country by now. The U. S. are famous for monolingualism, too. In my opinion, an intelligent man or woman should know more than just one language in order not to be threatened of narrow-mindness. The narrow-mindness is widespread in Germany because of monolinual policies instead of supporting the regional languages.
I hope that the U. S. will not become English-only speaking because of loosing all native American and immigrant languages. This would be a great loss. I know that because my native area has nearly completely lost its regional language. Why not helping the native Americans to make flourishing their languages again by offering native American languages beside others at common schools and organising exchanges with native Americans? A native American language from a population near the city or town would be appropriate. For it is your country’x heritage, too.
With regards, Alexander Dietz
I worry about people loose their parental heritage to fit in with “everyone else” in America (the sense of conformity), but newcomers need to learn the basic parts of English to get by and many white Americans find it annoying to be asked “hablamos espanol senor?” or “I can’t speak English, I’m Vietnamese”. To have a Cherokee grandmother grew up in a BIA-run federal school in 1900′s era Tulsa where the white teachers will slap, spank or scold any Indian child for speaking their native tongues, it was abusive to teach the children it’s a shameful thing to be of another race/culture. Americans are tolerant of so many things, be it religion or political belief as long it doesn’t hurt people, diversity in culture is a good thing for Americans to demonstrate we’re a free country and nobody imposes it on others by fear, hate or intolerance. The saying goes “Vive le Difference”. +
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