Stuff White People Like

What about pig-latin? Does that count?

Wait, Spanish can’t be on this list. For some reason, white people aren’t comfortable with anyone– especially their kids–speaking Spanish, and will immediately suspect they are being spoken about in Spanish if they hear one word of it.

It’s a wonder that Dora the Explora show exists at all.

MY COUSINS ARE BILINGUAL (and babies) AND I LOVE THEM

hehe

Je Mappelle, Elmy is about all I can remember from my Skool daze in England, but French isn’t much use in Australia so it got dropped. Japanese is the second language taught in skools here.

As I’m also guilty of number 11 in this blog (and married to a chinese lady) it is likely that my kids will speak cantonese and English.

I hope it isn’t still weird by the time they get to that age of talking.

Heheh this entry reminds me of the Russell Peters you tube video when he’s talking about the African guy in the Casino. If you don’t know it do a search for the Full the Russell Peters video, quite funny

White people, while adoring photo ops with brown folks and trumpeting “diversity”, nevertheless secretly think European cultures and languages to be vastly superior to all others. Yes, Spanish is a European language, but it makes white people uncomfortable because so many brown people speak it. The language is associated not with Spain, but rather with Latin America, where so many newly arrived Americans come from, people whose brown skin makes white people uncomfortable.

Seriously, here in portland there are these bilingual preschools that all the yuppie parent pay lots to send their kids to.

Seriously, here in portland there are these bilingual preschools that all the yuppie parents pay lots to send their kids to.

“German, Spanish, Swedish, or Italian are also acceptable, but are considered to be poor substitutes (especially Spanish).”………LOL…………….niggas!

We live in Germany, and our kids are bilingual, but I still hanker for them to speak French. I think French is the de rigeur second language for white people.

my friends and i were just talking about this. and how it should be on this blog. weird.

my friends and i were just talking about this. and how it should be on this blog. weird

Not only is it all about spending huge amounts of money to put kids into alternative language schools but because of this every conversation with parents in alternative language schools comes back to “well my timmy – he’s in this french immersion program” or “what you should really have your sandra do is attend my timmy’s immersion daycare”… this post is just so accurate!

I sent my daughter to a French preschool and kindergarten, because I wanted her to speak a language I was fluent in myself. The school is in a very exclusive suburb, and despite many platitudes about “diversity” and an “international worldview”most of the families there wouldn’t be caught dead in a non-European language situation,(with the possible exception of Japanese). Some of these same people were fighting the expansion of bilingual (Spanish) programs in the public schools (yes, it’s European but universally associated with Latin America).

Interestingly, the French teachers at the school were appalled at the ignorance of world cultures they experienced here.
When they tried to introduce elements of Franco-African culture to the curriculum, their efforts were universally rejected.

Good future topics: nannies and au pairs! And I can’t believe you didn’t mention jazz yet.

Hey white boy, you need to get out of the Westside a little more often.

Come on over to East L.A. once in a while.

Don’t worry most of the people are bilingual and it’s safe to drink the (tap) water.

I’ve said this so many times before; If only I spoke Spanish and Chinese as second and third languages, I could not only have better travel experiences, but could work anywhere in the world.

Do you mean Asian people do not want to be bilingual ? Many of the things you write appear more to Asian than to white, but I guess it because you re in the US and want to genralise about white people there ?

btw I do think your blog is funny. Somehow it s very to the point about a certain group of people. But i think I don’t it’s not really about white people.

i thought white people hate people that arent like them

like strom thurmond.

that guy was so chill

“They dream about the children drifting in between French and English sentences as they bustle about the kitchen while they read the New York Times and listen to Jazz.”

HAHAHAHA YES!

Experts on “your” culture will sometimes get their kids a babysitter from that background and ask them to speak to the child in their language, and will take them to musical performances and theatre in that language.

When the same white people live in another country they will do the reverse and pay vast amounts so their kid can go to the American/British school, and get babysitters who speak English (I’ve babysat for some such people in France, and they’d be half-proud, half-annoyed when their kids spoke to each other only in French and responded to their parents in French). IME, Spanish is actually not a problem if the child has learned it in college/study abroad in Spain and has the right Castilian accent.

The children of immigrants to America also decide to hate their parents in the second generation for not teaching them their ancestral language.

Don’t forget Esperanto, white people invented Esperanto.

It is worth mentioning, that in far-fethced plans to work in some capacity overseas thrusting children into the mix of a foreign culture is ALWAYS counted by white people as a “Great learning opportunity, the kids will become bi-lingual and experience other cultures”…

Never mind how much more terrifying it is the first time they get lost in the souk!

Listen, its all genetic, but I don’t think parents actually want their children to grow up to be…oh, you said bi-lingual. Oops

Being obsessed with Spanish is perfectly acceptable if (and only if) you won’t shut up about how you much you want to go to Spain one day.

Majoring in a foreign language is the new majoring in studio art, and it’s just as useless for the languages these people are actually studying (anything but Arabic or Chinese)

i’m working on my french. we have to learn it school here and i’m far enough along that i actually have a fighting chance of learning it properly. with anything else, i would be “unable to get past ordering in a restaurant or over-pronouncing a few key words”. and also being white-ish (though not totally white – thanks mum!), i am genetically pre-disposed to french anyway. phewf!

spanish is what i’d really love to learn. and i might. it doesn’t have the same connotations up here as it does south of the border (see what i did there?), so parents don’t mind if little abigail and logan learn it in school.

I would place German slightly behind French. Local white people love to talk German (the kind they learned while studying abroad of course) with German tourists. It cannot be avoided.

and where is that post on jazz? it’s so obvious!

how can all of your posts be so accurate? it is making me crazy.

I have this fantasy of marrying a french woman, moving to brazil and hiring a pinoy nanny. the child can learn spanish from me, french from his mother, tagalog from the nana, portuguese from his surroundings and will pick up english when his mother and I speak to each other. I’d deserve a doctorate of whiteness If i pulled that off.
-The white Mexican (yes, there are such things)

to mango girl:

children who were never taught their parent’s mother tongue are right to hate them.

Well, this blog seems to apply to a small segment of white americans. I don’t think any of this applies to white Spaniards, Germans or George W Bush. He’s quite blissful in his ignorance.

But, for those who desire to have the experience of a foreign country without speaking a foreign language, we offer http://www.walki-talki.com

I think white (and other) people who read this blog will love our tours.

Payam

أنا أبيض وأريد زوجة تتكلم بالعربية

As a white man who speaks French and German, I find myself wishing I knew Spanish as well. But none of these would come in all that handy in north-central Idaho (south of the Nazis, north of the Mormons), except for reading books in the original while I work my sweet government job. Pretty fuckin’ white, I know.

p.s. it’s école française

The irony being most Americans can’t locate France on a world map.
Arrogance & ignorance is such bliss, after all.

Mandarin is the new French!

Ask Californians.

Here in California, the ethnics – aka anglo people, absolutely MAUL Spanish words such as San Rafael, Manteca, Alameda, Vallejo (shudder!), Paso Robles, Valencia, Cañada, Laguna Honda (yes, Ellie Mae, that [H] is silent), etc., BUT, I love to annoy them by incorrectly pronouncing Italian and French words. They’re too pompous and stupid to speak a second language that’s eminently useful, but Jethro would rather get the names of his charcuteries and San Gimignano right. Yesterday it was Kraft’s Singles – today it’s fromage.

“At some point in their lives, most white people attempt to learn a second language and are generally unable to get past ordering in a restaurant or over-pronouncing a few key words. This failure is not attributed to their lack of effort, but rather their parents who didn’t teach them a new language during their formative years.”

Agreed

“There is only one way to use this information to your advantage: speaking another language means that white people are more likely to want to have children with you. It is seen as a cheaper alternative to language schools.
”

There needs to be one on men and women wanting to date foreigners.

#35 forgot a local mecca where many of the blog’s subject matter live: Los Feliz. That gets butchered more than any of Jeffrey Dahlmer’s victims.

ha… so true.

To the Arabic speaker–who said “Me too, and I want a wife who speaks Arabic”–best of luck. It would be so much easier to find an Arab husband.

Scarily accurate, indeed. But this blog aside, nothing makes me feel whiter than living in an Arab country, despite the fact that I’ve gotten considerably further than ordering at a restaurant.

16- “btw I do think your blog is funny.”

No you don’t.

Erod – hehe, I think I may share your multilingual dreams. But when you have couples who come from different linguistic backgrounds, have studied foreign languages and then raise their children in a different country there are bound to be struggles over which language mum and dad should speak to the kids in, and the poor kids probably don’t want any of it. But they’ll have the nannies and summer language camps thrust upon them whether they like it or not.

As for immigrants, I was talking about second gens, and for the most part first-gen immigrants to the US will try their best to adapt and encourage their children to speak English, and the children will be embarrassed that their parents are “different” and speak funny and have funny food. Then those children’s children will resent their parents for not having learned the language well enough to pass it on. But true bilingualism is hard to keep up for immigrants unless they live in an area with a critical mass of people speaking their language.

Swedish????? You’re kidding!

Children should be able to speak all Romance languages! (though if they try to learn other languages such as Swahili, Arabic or Mandarin they tend to be looked at as almost too scarily ambitious or potentially anime dorks)

oh snap! when i decided to backpack around Europe one summer, it was very, very important that i learn to speak a language. i studied French AND German. i already knew Spanish from high school. but everybody in LA speaks at least a little bit of Spanish, so that didn’t count.

if i ever talk about it now, i make it clear that i studied those languages to SPEAK them. i also mention what a shame it is in this country that we’re required to study a language in high school, but never to actually use it.

“When they tried to introduce elements of Franco-African culture to the curriculum, their efforts were universally rejected.”

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!

What’s that? Hacking each other to death with farm tools? Spreading HIV? Yeah, celebrate diversity!! Let’s teach Haitian values while we’re at it.

LOL @ snobby

I live in Toronto, Canada’s most multicultural city and some consider it to be one of the most diverse of the world, if you want to take a gander :http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Demographics_of_Toronto

this article tickles my head and i make strange chuckles of amusement and agreeance as i read it.

so true. i was just regretting earlier today that my parents didn’t teach me another language when i was young.

haha, good stuff.

Of course, bilingualism is pretty lame compared with TRIlingualism. And that was one of the *entrance* requirements to universities in the colonial era. Or I should say, “college”, which started at 15.

Obh! Obh! ‘S fior thoil leam canan eile! ‘S math sin gum bith mi clann a’ comhradh canan sam bith.

Pero, mis hijas, cuando estoy leyendo un libro en espan~ol, me dijeron, “Papa, please talk regular this time!”

There are a bunch of schools in my town that cater to people who want their kids to be bilingual or better before they can even read. Nice concept, but you gotta have the $$ to go that route. I don’t have that kind of money, so my wife and I try the languages that we do know at home. Why? ‘Cause we’re white people, of course!

As a white person who speaks French (though not from childhood), I feel the need to point out that, aside from the accent issues, it’s actually “ecole francaisE” since ecole is feminine. Because white people like grammar and being right about things.

I just realized another thing that white people like: Blogs devoted to listing what white people like using deprecating humor. Because we’re white, we can take it. And if we’re here, we must be in on the joke.

“Don’t forget Esperanto, white people invented Esperanto.”

But you seem ignorant of its history, where it was widely promoted by many scholars in Asia and thrived in a time of anticolonial sentiments.

Also, 90% of the people in this thread need to take linguistics and buy into popular, but fallacious ideas about the nature of language acquisition. I prescribe a healthy dose of reading “The Language Instinct” by Steven Pinker.

White people can help their children become bilingual by hiring a Spanish-speaking nanny. Of course, the kids will forget it in a few years or just stop speaking it once they realize that it has little social value in the US.

Just discovering your blog today. I am ROTFLMAO! The title put me off at first, but I just had to see what it was all about. So glad I ventured in!

Something I noticed in regards to Spanish is that most Americans wish to learn Spanish from Spain, and totally blow-off Latin America Spanish. I guess it makes them feel more European if they’re able to acquire the Castilian accent. But truth be told – and Im sure many will agree – the Spaniard accent is probably the driest accent in the Spanish language.

In my opinion the best Spanish accent is by far the Colombian one. So formal yet so sexy!!!! Argentinian is also popular, Chilean, and of course the Mexican one. Mexican Spanish is the norm in the United States by the way.

LOL

white people.

Can we please make a distinction between snobby overpriviledged whites who want their children to speak a second language as a status symbol and real working class people who want their children to learn Spanish so as to be economically competetive ? In Florida public schools, if your name even remotely sounds Spanish, you benefit from bilingual education from day one to graduation. English-only students get a joke of a second language class, and upon graduation cannot get a job at Mc Donalds because the bilinguals, trained at taxpayer expense, are more qualified than their classmates. Your post was funny, but this is a failure of our gov’t to prepare eveyone equally, and it is colorblind problem.

So much of this post is hilariously on target. I nearly giggled when I read the part about people getting angry at their parents for raising them in a monolingual home. However, being both White and Latino (my mother is Scots-Irish and my father is Venezuelan), over the years I’ve had plenty of opportunities to observe another subset of white person, which is the fair-skinned type who speaks better Spanish than a lot of Latinos. (I’m from the Midwest, by the way, and I know many, many Latinos from this and other parts of the country who speak little or no Spanish.) Such lily-white Spanish-speakers often develop an interest in the language during a period of study abroad in Spain or Latin America (study abroad itself being another quintessential Thing White People Like) and they often end up with a decent command of the language, giving the lie to the view that people can’t learn languages as adults. Of course, students in study-abroad programs spend much of their time partying their asses off and snagging local girlfriends or boyfriends, so maybe the added fun of those extra-curricular activities gives them incentive to improve their Spanish.

Still, I do agree it’s painfully true that there are plenty of NPR-listening, Starbuck’s-sipping, Saab-driving ‘progressives’ who are uncomfortable with letting their kids have too much contact with Spanish, as many such types associate the language with poor brown people whose culture they see as quaint at best and patriarchal and backward at worst.

So much of this post is hilariously on target. I nearly giggled when I read the part about people getting angry at their parents for raising them in a monolingual home. However, being both White and Latino (my mother is Scots-Irish and my father is Venezuelan), over the years I’ve had plenty of opportunities to observe another subset of white person, which is the fair-skinned type who speaks better Spanish than a lot of Latinos. (I’m from the Midwest, by the way, and I know many, many Latinos from this and other parts of the country who speak little or no Spanish.) Such lily-white Spanish-speakers often develop an interest in the language during a period of study abroad in Spain or Latin America (study abroad itself being another quintessential Thing White People Like) and they often end up with a decent command of the language, giving the lie to the view that people can’t learn languages as adults. Of course, students in study-abroad programs spend much of their time partying their asses off and snagging local girlfriends or boyfriends, so maybe the added fun of those extra-curricular activities gives them incentive to improve their Spanish.

Still, I do agree it’s painfully true that there are plenty of NPR-listening, Starbuck’s-sipping, Saab-driving ‘progressives’ who are uncomfortable with letting their kids have too much contact with Spanish, as many such types associate the language with poor brown people whose culture they see as quaint at best and patriarchal and backward at worst.

Probably the best thing for a White high schooler would be to spend year on introductory languages, since fluency is not likely in one.

Freshman: Latin
Soph: Italian
Junior: German
Senior: French

That was the raw basics are covered!!

#58 Raphael, you wrote:

“Still, I do agree it’s painfully true that there are plenty of NPR-listening, Starbuck’s-sipping, Saab-driving ‘progressives’ …”

Buddy, you sure know your own. Those are Jews But Jews ARE NOT White!!!! Come on already.

totally true about the racialized hierarchy for languages. no one thinks its ‘cool’ to speak farsi or arabic, its slightly strange, sorta awkward, i get a lot of ‘why are you interested in THAT’ for having studied both.

Awesome! My three year old daughter is in French public school (free!) right now. I plan on having her teach me French (also free!) once she learns it.

haha! I love this website, and I have to say that this entry hits close to home! I’ve been studying mandarin for six years, and I ‘ve spent so much time learning it that I want my kids (when I have them) to be able to speak it too. I don’t even have kids yet and I plan to send them to an immersion school! I’m so white! Well at least i get bonus points for not wanting them to go to a euro language immersion school.

well I was raised bilingually German-English (German father, American mother) and as a diplomat’s child living also in Turkey and Russia (then Soviet Union) picked up a bit here an there – great for work and traveling which I did lots and to speak to my one set of niece and nephew who speak Russian and are currently learning German (living in Moscow), the other set of nieces and nephew speak German and French living in Brussels
this I think is great – well and if you don’t have these chances there is always the aupair option and ask them to sepak their language with the kids

So when I was living in Germany I was supposed to learn the German language and not just the dirty words? Blast, I don’t care. It still impresses German tourists when I can tell them (in fairly decent German) that f*cking makes me happy.

This article made me laugh. I’m a Spaniard, living in Barcelona. My children, like most children here, are bilingual Catalan/Spanish, and I don’t know any parent here who’s not really crazy for their children to speak…. English.

Regarding the Castilian accent to be dry… well, that’s true! I’ve been said many times (by Latin-American Spanish speakers) that Spaniards, especially us who we were born in Castile, bark when we talk. And I really think is true.

Colombians not only have a mellower accent, but they make excelent use of the Spanish grammar when speaking.

Yeah, any kind of diversity, however it may arrive, is really just “liberal” Causcasian bullshit, yeah? Fuck whitey!

Ahaha most of my friends are white and some of them studied at Lycee Francais. A good majority of them are currently studying abroad polishing their French or other foreign language skills. I’m hoping to do the same next year.

Seig fuckin’ heil!!! Isn’t that the point of this site, after all is said and done – to get whitey to recognize how the only “authentic” way of being, *just happens* to be that version of *whiteness* which reifies the version of white raciality which most antiracists would, at least one would hope, seek to critique?

No, that isn’t the point of *this* site, never has been. How fucking foolish, yes?!

Multilingual and “mulitcultural” kids i.e. who’ve lived allll over the world!! thus aquiring their languages, insight into diversity, worldview, all of which will no doubt secure them a job as a interpreter, peacekeeper or diplomat with the UN.

As for this post, check http://www.petiteanglaise.com, who trumpets her kid as speaking English/French/Mandarin and as a multi-skilled “genius”. LOL.

No, it secures them a job as a linguist. Where upon they might attend one of William Labov’s classes at UPenn and write papers on models of language change.

I thought Spanish would be key to owning businesses in America. I know how white people are so concerned with the bottom line. Why not have the ability to communicate with the cheap labor you plan on hiring for your restaurant or store?

haaa i laughed so hard at this one – because it is soooo true – i’m truly pissed at my parents for not providing french language instruction- and i feel as a canadian with a quebecois mother it is even more horrible! when i was in france people begged me not to speak their language – because i sucked that bad – gawd! and it is true all of my friends (homies) want their children to speak french in their homes- and they have promptly shipped their pre-school kiddies off to french daycare – the problem is my friends only know fronglais – fake french and the kids french all but disappears once they hit the thresholds of their homes. it is truly a little pretentious environment we have constructed for ourselves – lol

yo soy el jefe

http://everythingimnot.wordpress.com

I don’t want this blog to ever end!

Humiliate those liberal scumbags – they’re the real hatemongers! They hate the white-working class and they patronise non-white culture, which has to go through their sanitized liberal, cultural relativist wash.

Ethnic-cleansing filth!

Kill them!

I speak English, Spanish, French, Catalan, and a bit of Japanese. I guess I’m a white person’s wet dream ;-P

#76 Todd is so right. Liberals are trying their best to destroy the vanilla man in favor of weak chocolate. Bilinguality leads to homosexuality and beastality.

Say no to anything but English and yes to a John McCain David Duke 2008 Ticket! http://mccainduke2008.wordpress.com/

unito mambapa’ que mis gatas prendan los motores…
Zumbale mambo pa’ que mis gatas prendan los motores…
Zumbale mambo pa’ que mis gatas prendan los motores…
Que se preparen que lo que viene es pa’ que le den…
(Duro!) Mami, ya yo se que tu no te me vas a quitar…
(Duro!) Lo que me gusta es que tu te dejas llevar…
(Duro!) Todos los weekend’es ella sale a vacilar..
(Duro!) Mi gata no para de janguear, porque…

A ella le gusta la gasolina
(Da me mas gasolina!)
Como le encanta la gasolina
(Da me mas gasolina!)
A ella le gusta la gasolina
(Da me mas gasolina!)
Como le encanta la gasolina
(Da me mas gasolina!)

Ella prende las turbinas
No discrimina
No se pierde ni un party de marquesina
Se asicala hasta pa’ la esquina
Luce tan bien que hasta la sombra le combina
Asesina, me domina
Janguea en carros, motoras y limosinas
Llena su tanque de adrenalina
Cuando escucha reggaeton en las bocinas

A ella le gusta la gasolina
(Da me mas gasolina!)
Como le encanta la gasolina
(Da me mas gasolina!)
A ella le gusta la gasolina
(Da me mas gasolina!)

Como le encanta la gasolina
(Da me mas gasolina!)

Aqui nosotros somos los mejores, no te me ajores
En la pista nos llaman “Los Matadores”
Tu haces que cualquiera se enamore
Cuando bailas al ritmo de los tambores
Esto va pa’ las gatas de to’s colores
Pa’ las mayores, pa’ las menores
Pa’ las que son mas zorras que los cazadores
Pa’ las mujeres que no apagan sus motores
Tenemos tu y yo algo pendiente
Tu me debes algo y lo sabes
Conmigo ella se pierde
No le rinde cuentas a nadie
Tenemos tu y yo algo pendiente
Tu me debes algo y lo sabes
Conmigo ella se pierde
No le rinde cuentas a nadie

Zumbale mambo pa’ que mis gatas prendan los motores…
Zumbale mambo pa’ que mis gatas prendan los motores…
Zumbale mambo pa’ que mis gatas prendan los motores…
Que se preparen que lo que viene es pa’ que le den…
(Duro!) Mami, ya yo se que tu no te me vas a quitar…
(Duro!) Lo que me gusta es que tu te dejas llevar…
(Duro!) Todos los weekend’es ella sale a vacilar..
(Duro!) Mi gata no para de janguear, porque…

A ella le gusta la gasolina
(Da me mas gasolina!)
Como le encanta la gasolina
(Da me mas gasolina!)
A ella le gusta la gasolina
(Da me mas gasolina!)
Como le encanta la gasolina
(Da me mas gasolina!)

For the most part, and perhaps mostly true for middle and southern America, some white people only think its cool when other white people speak other languages.
Gawd forbid a Latin American person speaks Spanish because this would make them feel excluded them if they dont speak the language….or maybe even think it’s reverse racism and the only true American language is English.
However there are others that also do love to surprise you if they happen to speak another language,specially Spanish, and use it as a dating mechanism. A sort of “BAM! you didnt know i was a white boy that could speak spanish huh? ….and can i now date you now that i know of your culture and your struggles?”

Well… Being French, that “white people’s dream” doesn’t really appeals to me… That is, unless you replace french with english.

Though here, english hasn’t this appeal french seeems to have in anglo-saxon culture. Instead, we dream of italian-speaking children.

#79 canned food drives- white people do not eat food from cans anyway; why not donate them to the underprivileged.

#80 The Kennedys- white people have given unconditional love to this political machine, despite over a half century of nepotism and philandering.

#81 The Masters- most [male] white people aspire to go to Augusta National golf course at least once in their lifetimes.

#82 Land Rovers- despite gas guzzling on par with the VERY nonwhite Hummer and Cadilac Escalade, white people, for some unknown reasons, have given this vehicle a pass on their self-imposed fuel emissions standards.

#79: Saying they’re from the big city adjacent to their wealthy suburb.
#80: Correcting ‘improper’ grammar

Learning a new language lets you insult people without having them understand. I love telling racists, for example: si j’avais un trou de cul comme ta gueule, j’aurais honte d’aller chier.

What White People are you quoting? Where did you do your research? In NY..many of us white people would be thrilled if everybody spoke English…and are sick of signs being in 2 languages. My friends have no interest in having our kids learn Spanish and are annoyed that half the cartoons they have to watch shove Spanish down their throats. So no….as you say ALL white people are obsessed with being bilingual and having bilingual kids.
Americans can barely speak their own language properly.

This is hysterical! I just happened upon it this morning as a white person reading the NPR site from Chile where I am learning Spanish in order to survive with my Chilean husband and his very fast speaking family. Funnily, I had French in school from 1st grade through 12th, AND 2 years in college, and I rue the fact that we were not offered Spanish instead. Who the hell needs French? Way more people speak Spanish in the world. So, I found it amusing that the first entry I read was the one about multilingual children. Waaahaaa! By the way, I can’t speak French to save my life!! And let’s not forget that learning another language is good for the aging brain, regardless of your motives.

It matters not what color or political persuasion you are. What matters is that you can laugh at yourself. Keep writing this blog!!

“Majoring in a foreign language is the new majoring in studio art, and it’s just as useless for the languages these people are actually studying (anything but Arabic or Chinese)”

Spanish and Portugese are pretty helpful actually. I can’t speak for french cause I am in an officially french-speaking country and immersion schools are publically funded here. I know people that work in the system and a lot of the kids are middle eastern and african immigrants, though.

“totally true about the racialized hierarchy for languages. no one thinks its ‘cool’ to speak farsi or arabic, its slightly strange, sorta awkward, i get a lot of ‘why are you interested in THAT’ for having studied both.”

Tell that to the 60-odd white people that have told me they want to learn arabic in the last year.

I hope there isn’t a suggestion that it is wrong to want your children to be bilingual. It is a fact that children are much better at learning languages, and being multilingual could be a huge advantage in later life. There’s nothing wrong with wanting the best for your kids.

I think all kids, white or otherwise, should be taught a second language to a much higher level than they are. And they should start earlier. Especially in English speaking countries. We are so far behind. It is shaming to hear the level to which the Dutch or Italians or Swedes of my generation speak English.

Funny, I’m actually black, or at least black enough to call myself black though I obviously an of mixed ethnicity (something white people also love) – Ironically (yes, anolther one) I also work for a Japanese company and have been there several times and have been learning to speak Japanese. Both my white girlfriend and her parents (both of whom have been to Japan but speak very little Japanese) love me. So, you’re theory on Asian languages MUST be right!!!

French??? The only people that speaks french are the one that lives in France…. and some canadians!! I really don’t understand why the “white” people wants to learn it thinking is the second language of choice….. and what is wrong with Spanish?? All south america, Mexico and Spain speaks spanish so some peole out there really likes french!!
mah!!!

and by the way I am italian (and proud of it) and I speak italian (of course) inglish and spanish….and could care less for french!

and I should learn how to spell it too…. LOL (english)

“Languages such as German, Spanish, Swedish, or Italian are also acceptable, but are considered to be poor substitutes (especially Spanish).”

Speak up, please, anyone who can speak Swedish that wasn’t born in Sweden or forced to move there.

*crickets*

I would say that White people love living like their poor for a month to see what its like. For that matter, they like doing anything for a month that’s different that they can tell their friends about and feel good about themselves.

404 ERROR: FUNNY NOT FOUND

You see, Seamus is a perfect example of the white person.

random useless comments:::

1) i am brown! and learned TWO languages, for all 4 years, in a public school in the 2nd most corrupt inner city in the u.s.a.

2) Spanish from Spain makes me want to kill myself…it’s the worst.

3) you really CAN learn a language as an adult.

4) no matter what you look like, if you are not white and can converse fluently in another language, white people will think that you must be french/chinese/spanish/latino/arab/whatever the case may be.

5) lol @ swedish…do people in sweden even speak swedish?

6) i am brown, multilingual, and my kids will be too!

most non-white people HAVE to have multi-lingual kids, even if ebonics/aave/patois is the other language.

Mon Dieu! C’est vrai!

“Nobody speaks French but people in France and some Canadians?”???? are you serious?

A LOT OF AFRICA (2nd biggest continent in the world) IS FRANCOPHONE…i’m not fond of the term ‘la francophonie’ but come on white liberals, please get your shit together! France and Canada are not the only French-speaking countries. I know your white guilt isn’t so thick that you’ve forgotten about colonization…sheesh!

and
lol @ 96…that was SOOO white. even if you’re not white, you must have studied white people humor.

“All white people want their children to speak another language” WTF!!!

Just goes to show that black people still do not know sh** about white people.

Wat een echte domkop…als je in Den Haag woont, moet je Nederlands, niet Frans spreken.

new post over at
http://everythingimnot.wordpress.com

Don’t forget about white people teaching their babies sign language. It is very chic to have your 6 month old baby able to communicate through signs while lacking the physical ability to form words. This is used as a proof that even at a young age their progeny are far superior to other, less dextrous, children.

Brownie…..
I don’t care about skin color my dear, I like everyone, my best friend is black and from Senegal and gues what? he speak French and I give him hard time about it all the time, so my comment about languages had nothing to do with the color of anyone skin. I am not white liberal or any other skin remarks, if you would have “your” shit together you would have got the point that (in a good way) simply I don’t like french!!! Happy now!

Make ENGLISH the national language!!

Is this all a joke? I mean I was reading this and it infuriated me. I am Hispanic. I know 3 languages and now I am learning to speak Hungarian and I cannot believe insensitivity of this blog. I speak French as well but to say that no one wants to learn Spanish is pretty much saying that is beneath you is extremely uneducated. Look around you. Look at the job listings. Most places not only prefer to hire a bi-ligual person but they want a bi-lingual that speaks Spanish. I do not know if I should be offended or not.

Unless its Castillian Spanish (European cool points), White people do not want to rub shoulders with Latinos for more than ordering food/leaving their kids with Latin nannies.

Oh one more point I would like to make. Besides being born and raised in NYC. I have a white boyfriend. Everyone I come across call me white because of my education and the way I speak, what I listen to (in terms of music), how I dress, and how I conduct myself. That being said, my boyfriend and I have agreed after being married and having children, we will raise our child to be multi-lingual (English, Spanish, Hungarian, and yes probably French)!

Really #108 is that how you really feel? Funny how me of Puerto Rican Decent with Family in Spain, I have never come across white people not wanting to associate with me. Your comment is appalling and maybe you and your friends should get out more because we of Hispanic Descent have more to offer you than busing your tables, serving your food, or taking care of your children.

You are so funny!!! I could read these all day. I found you via Daily Candy. I don’t know how to take all this as white people hate stereotypes (though we do it all the time). You are scary in how correct you are about this stuff!!!

I hope you’re not white, author.

I am a white lady who grew up in California. Almost everyone took Spanish as their foreign languarge class in high school. It was very practical for that area to also know Spanish. But I was a bit of a rebel and took German because that’s the language my great-grandfather spoke (he came over in 1909).

I have used my German once. I now wish I had learned Spanish- I have encountered countless times when I could have used it at work and socially. Hindsight is 20/20!

Now I live in Pennsylvania. The preschools and elementary schools offer Spanish to the little ones. There doesn’t seem to be any preoccupation with French out here.

Personally, I want to go on record as a white girl stating I see nothing special about speaking French. No one language is better than the other. What one chooses to learn should be about where you live and what’s practical and/or to learn more about your heritage. Of course, a crash course before a foreign vacation is nice, too!

There you go. That’s my two cents worth!

My Norwegian wife insisted on having Norwegian au pairs who would speak to the kids in Norwegian. French was de riguer in school, and Spanish streng verboten! because the Spanish teachers in their school did not speak acceptable Spanish. In many WASP circles, Spanish is acceptable, but ONLY if it’s exquisitely properly pronounced Castilian of the sort that only upper class Spaniards can understand.

One of the difficulties of this blog is the (typically ethnic) failure to differentiate among the various flavors of “white people.” You’re generally aiming at the post-modern, Northeastern WASP from an upper-middle-class or higher background. Most of the stuff you write about would be utterly foreign to working class, or even lower-middle-class white ethnics.

Bri, he is white.

And I am so typical. My dad speaks French and German and taught neither my brother nor I either and we are incredibly resentful towards him for this. So on our own, we’ve both taken up French and I’ve also taken up Swedish.

Holy fucking typical.

Spot on, except for the French part. Everyone I know wants there kid to speak Spanish so they can easier get a job in a non-profit. However, Chinese comes second so the kid can get a job in international business and support their parents in old age. Becasue we worked at non-profits and are broke in retirement.

m.e.s. – when I went to school in California, the langauges you took reflected social class: the upper class took French and Latin, sometimes German or Italian as well; the upper middle class took French or German, and usually a little Latin, the middle class took French or German, or perhaps Italian if it was offered, the lower middle class took German, Italian or Spanish, and the working class took Spanish.

If one grew up in agricultural areas in the ’60s or ’50s, and was going to be expected to communicate with Spanish-speaking laborers, the preferred language was Italian, because an Italian-speaker could make him- or herself sufficiently understood to a Spanish-speaker to accomplish the work of a boss.

White people hate spelling errors, it should read “Everyone I know wants their kid..”

Viva USA

Well, I wanted my daughter to learn German in High School, as it’s common here in the north-western part of South Carolina, but she didn’t care for it. Then my sons came along and picked up “yankee” from some of the northerner kids that they hung out with. Some of their pronunciations still grate on my ears.

I learned enough French in high school and college to get by on a business trip to Paris. Funny thing though, as soon as I used my French, almost all everbody told me that they spoke English (though not Southern US American). And people say the French are rude.

to 96: Yep, one of the few native French speaker I know was born and raised in Africa. He’s white with children born in the USA. He wanted his daughter to list herself as African-American on her college application but she rolled her eyes and refused.

LOL. Do you have a post on white people wanting their children to learn to play that “ideal” musical instrument, as well as white people buying into the argument that music lessons should be started as young as age 3 in order to give the child the best chance of becoming a famous musician? LOL, LOL, and LOL.

.. http://everythingimnot.wordpress.com

So I assume what you mean by “White People” is actually “Americans” right?

I’m a white American. I work for a multi-national in Switzerland and I don’t speak French. Well, only enough to order food in restaurants and over pronounce words and I only picked that up here.

In my experience, strong work ethic gets you farther than multi-language skills.

All white people want their children to speak another language. There are no exceptions. What a load of crap! As “white” parent here in the U. S. I wanted my children to grow up with a strong command of the english language and be able to carry on an intelligent conversation. In hind sight if I would have wanted them to learn another language it would have been Spanish due to the large influx of Spanish speaking people in the U.S. and also because it’s the most used language in the world. Locally we have a large number of deaf people so if they would have wanted to learn to sign I would have been OK with that too. Personally I’d like to know where you got your facts and how did this become a “white” thing? I believe all parents want there children to be better then they are and if that means learning a second language then great. By the way I don’t read the “Times” nor do I listen to jazz. It appears to me this article was written from your personal view without any facts to back it up. I found this article to be insulting and if I were Hispanic, Black or any other minority I’d be really pissed!

In many WASP circles, Spanish is acceptable, but ONLY if it’s exquisitely properly pronounced Castilian of the sort that only upper class Spaniards can understand.

Thats what I was talking about.

I have even heard of white people hiring Haitian nannies so their kids can learn French.

to Pantera, #97, Check out the book, Nickel and Dimed. White woman documents her months-long sojourn into lower class job market. Both interesting AND white… wow.

I speak Klingon, does that count?

Well, you found me out. My plan of marrying a multilingual Dutch girl say that we could raise multilingual kids all spelled out and publicly displayed on the internet.

As true as this post is, and it certainly is that, being bilingual really is a gift. For every language you learn, you gain another soul…as they say.

dear white people who keep on pointing out that all this applies to a certain class of white people: I know somebody’s said this before, but I’d just like to point out that conflating this class w/whites per se is part of the joke. For ex. see the post about “knowing what’s best for poor people.”

My (grown) daugher speaks Russian. But – she learned it in the Army and DLI and now makes a fairly ridiculous amount of money in the civilian sector doing translations of technical documents.

Whitepeople also send their children to foreign language summer camps staffed by white college professors and attended almost exclusively by the children of other upper middle class white families.

This is funny. Don’t white people love spas and golf too?

http://stuffeducatedblackpeoplelike.wordpress.com

white people are funny. If you want your child to learn french send them to france for one year. In order to actually learn a language you have to speak it everyday and I don’t understand why anyone would want to learn swedish lol, being swedish myself it’s just strange since you wont have any use of it outside of sweden…maybe in norway and finland but that’s it. And yeah you should definitely write about the aupairs and nannys! I’m an aupair atm in London lol

White people like being more “unique” than other white people…aka being competitive and outdoing others.

Alberto (#91) – over half the countries in Africa use French as either a first or second language, making it the continent with the largest number of French speaking people. Over 100 million Africans speak French fluently. So, it isn’t just the French and Canadians who speak French.

Note : I do not speak French, but I do speak Spanish (the Latin American kind) as a second language. It is actually Mexican Spanish…the standard first or second language of many Southern Californians. I also speak a little Thai, but I still have problems ordering in a restaurant.

Clander – This blog is quite entertaining. Thank you!

What ever happened to Pig Latin? Anyoneway eakspay ipay atinway anymoreway?

http://www.jonesview.wordpress.com

Love the overgeneralizing. It is easy to put “white people” in one general group and say they all want the same things.

At the end of the day, it is good to have children learning another language. Having just recently graduated from college a lot of jobs are looking for bilingual people, and I’m not fluent in another language and that can be frustrating.

I don’t know why you wouldn’t want your children to have the opportunity to learn another language. By the time this generation of children are adults, everyone is going to have to be bilingual or they won’t be able to get a job, or function in society.

#107, Yes, it is a joke. Calm down, no one is dissing you.

My son is taking French in middle school, and I am trying to get him to switch to Spanish so he can communicate with the other 80% of population in his school and our town! (and more and more towns around us…) I wish schools still offered Latin, since it is the main root of so many languages. You could use it as a base, and go on from there, to learn French, Spanish, Italian…

If one of my children came home speaking a socialist-communist language I would cut them out of my will and put them up for adoption to the highest bidder.

McCain-Duke 2008

spot on. in california, sit in a coffee shop and you’re bound to hear about how five year olds connor and mckenzie are doing in their Mandarin lessons.

What if you have a Mexican housekeeper. She can teach the kiddies Espanol for free!

To #107,

Relax and enjoy the point of this blog — humor. If you take all this seriously, you[re missing the point. Laughing is good for your health — try laughing in French!

http://www.jonesview.wordpress.com

And don’t forget the linguistic sine qua non for whiteys…everyone’s favorite dead language….

Latin!

Ecce homo albus… behold, the white guy

And don’t forget the linguistic sine qua non for whiteys…everyone’s favorite dead language….

Latin!

Ecce homo albus… behold, the white guy

Okay, so this one is insane. White people don’t even like the French! I grew up in a French household (my mother married an american, moved here, he left, etc.). Speaking French did not change my life in any way whatsoever.
But I remember all the comments about the French growing up. Once, we had to do reports on countries in high school, and this girl Jessica got France.
Instead of a history type paper, she wrote about how unsanitary the French were, how the never shave their legs (my mother does not, but still!) how they don’t wear deodorant (Okay, after riding in a unairconditioned car for hours with my French cousins, I may somewhat agree, but she is not allowed to go there.)
I still don’t like her.
And now I get all these crap emails about the French from everyone and how the US rescued them in the 40’s, stupid emails from stupid Republicans. When I write back and talk about how the US was treating it’s own black citizens that same time, they get angry. When I say it’s hypocritical to write an email slandering immigration, where then at the bottom, these people will write something like,”Jesus & the American soldier are the only ones who died for you!” They maybe need to come down south, I’ve never seen so many Virgin Mary’s on autos like here in hispanic vehicles. I’m sorry Republicans, Jesus is not exclusive to your race.
Yikes.
Okay, so now that I’ve vented, I have two great topics white people like that haven’t been mentioned yet-
CRAIGSLIST.
OVERSEAS ADOPTION.
keep up the good work.

touche mon ami…er, i mean, well done pal!

god damn laughing again. mwah ha ha!

Hell, speaking another language would have made your post about moving to Canada a much different reality for disgruntled Americans. If I spoke French, I would TOTALLY LIVE in France, because at least they provide free healthcare, free college tuition, and free childcare, even if they they are as arrogant as we are.

If I spoke French, I would write all manners of obscenities in French here to express my feelings about the direction of this f-ing country. Pardon, my french. (:

.. . . http://everythingimnot.wordpress.com

As a white chick living in Mexico City, I totally don’t get this post.

Alberto @ 91.

Actually the continent of Africa is evenly split between English and French-speaking countries save 3 that speak portuguese and 1 spanish. There are more French-speakers in Africa than anywhere else.

44 Michelle in LA

oh snap! when i decided to backpack around Europe one summer

So White!!!

Larry Sinclair claims he passed his polygraph test in his claim that Obama is a bisexual coke whore (who plans to expand NAFTA and supports war and the NAU. Well, that’s par for the course because the same is true for Hillary on all the same counts given all the lesbian talk and drug use and estrangement from Bill busy with his own male friends said Cathy O’Brien and all that). And Abramoff’s bank funds both Clinton and Obama, so why do you think you are being offered a choice. (My recent post at biostate talks a bit about the dynamics of gatekeeping in this fashion and what to do–so it’s on my mind right now).

Lol I love the blog

Eric
Coffee? – http://www.idahoroasting.com

This site promotes white people because studying abroad, teaching your kids French, and expensive sandwiches are good things. But I think you speak of the liberal white people with incomes over 250,000 USD.

What’s even funnier than this blog, are the people who don’t get that it’s a JOKE. LOL. Love the blog.

You need to do a white people love Martha Stewart. Martha Stewart is the GOD of white people.

I think it all depends on where you live. In the city I live in, in fact, in all the major cities in my state {hint: we have sun AND earthquakes}…it is considered very chic and desirable to have children who speak Spanish and Chinese school is also catching on. It’s more than just a language, it also embraces a “we love and care about the poor” ethic, it advertises one’s political stance…it has everything. Anyway, that’s the way it is here.

#151

The whites who want their kids speaking French aren’t thinking about Africa, they invision Belgium and France where they’ll drink wine and visit art musuems while on the standard 18-year-old backpacking across Europe trip.
The kids can go to West Africa to work on a farm but only because it’ll look good on their Harvard application.

I cracked up reading this–after rolling my eyes through an entire NPR segment on the subject the other day I enjoyed reading this.

This blog is describing white people with incomes over $250,000, not the bums I see in Food Depot.

Minis wrote:

“This blog is describing white people with incomes over $250,000, not the bums I see in Food Depot.”

You mean there are white people in America with incomes less than $250,000?

Who knew?

Funny shit. Just a note to all the European, Latin American, Australian ect. white people: the blog is really referring to only American white people, and really only a yuppy subset of that. It is satirizing a cultural group that is referred to as “white” in the US, doesn’t really include you guys unless you have assimilated into that group. It is not really about a racial group but a cultural group, even though many Americans confuse the two.

“The whites who want their kids speaking French aren’t thinking about Africa, they invision Belgium and France where they’ll drink wine and visit art musuems”

Will this be an “invision” like the German’s pulled off in 1940?

Well, I speak Spanish, English, SWEDISH, and of course, a little bit of French! And my three year old is bilingual (Spanish and English)…

Dead-on! Except for the part about Spanish – I don’t agree that it’s a “lowly” language in the eyes of educated whites. Do you have any idea how many people study abroad in Spain in college? I spent a year in Madrid and even went back after college to teach English.

My kids are going to speak the Spanglish, I know a fair amount of espanol, in Texas you have little choice since you just sort of learn it through osmosis. Once you learn it though, you have a code language that most other white people can’t understand. I think white people like having code languages other white people can’t understand (like Latin). I don’t think that’s good enough though, I want my kids to speak german too because it sounds cool and it might improve their chances of landing a job working for the E.U. in Bruxelles.

You aren’t suggesting white people actually HAVE kids and contribute to our already overinflated population, are you? That is SO red state!

You need to add sign language to the list or blog. Evidently that is the way to make your child really ready to be at the top of their kindergarten class. That’s becoming very important if a child is going to get into a top school later on and capture the really good jobs.

Ed

Aren’t there any Arabic speaking women in your class that you can hit on?

keep checkin out
http://everythingimnot.wordpress.com

When my daughter was between the ages of 2 and 4, she had a Hispanic babysitter. This was fortunate, as now my daughter is 17 and still remembers how to say “kaka”.
Now she’s learning German in high school, so I eagerly anticipate the day when she can teach her own children
“Scheisse”.

Ha ha ha!

Clearly your views of “white people” are about a specific sect where you’re from and you dont identify that clearly in this piece. Because of this you come across not only as an whining ass but as a racist, saying that, “All white people demand their children speak another language,” and other inflamatory garbage.

Let’s say I’m fluent in american street lingo, does that mean I’m a poser cause I’m white… or are white people all supposed to be rich and living on the good side of the tracks?

It’s readily apparent in society and research that the minds of children that are nutured with a vast array of knowledge actually become more intelligent and this knowledge builds a stonger diverse mental process. This is good for society.

Fluency in a second langauge has nothing to do with it.. the more you learn when your young the more tools you will have later in life to get the things that you need and hopefully what society needs. Not to mention, learning a second langauge brings diversity, knowledge and tolerance to the table… are you against that?

Lastly… Americans, not white people, are often criticized by Europeans as being less than diverse becasue we dont speak 5 languages or something to that effect like many Europeans do. Now “white people” are criticized in your column for learning another langauge, not becasue of the power of knowledge… but just to “one-up” someone of origins other than caucasion?

You are just fuel for the fire for anyone trying to keep the lines of race clearly drawn and not blurred.

this site is not funny anymore

I speak and write Swedish. I wasn’t born there nor was I forced to go there–I did live there for a time, however. It’s one of the world’s most useless languages, unless I’m in the mood to impress white people.

I do wish to know Spanish. Very useful.

I think you are wrong on the suggestion that whites want their kids to learn French. Whites do not like France any more since the invasion of Iraq; note that whites were responsible for renaming french fries “freedom fries.” The French language is quite useless to yuppies seeking economic advancement–Chinese (Mandarin) is totally in now.

All the French whites need now is Cristina Aguilera singing about threeways, Moulin Rouge, Jean Paul Goutier, Louis Vouton (and the blacks are really into this now), romantic trips to Paris, and artistic excursions to Florence.

Speaking French has become virtually worthless in the global economy as France has gone to shit as a world power.

White parents are importing poor Chinese women to raise their children (speaking Mandarin) while they work 80 hours a week.

Not me, I want my kids to only speak English and everyone else to learn that.

for all you white people, the unilingual nanny is the best way to achieve having multilingual children. although, the only thing the parents will learn is how to speak slower and louder!

Don’t forget that White people like Latin, too.

Quid Pro Quo.

Watermelon
Fried Chicken
Welfare
Children from multiple women
Crime
Race Card
OJ
Atlanta
Menthol
Malt Liquor
White Women
Narcotics
UFC
Being Loud
Al Sharpton

To: reinadelaz (#57)…having the blog be titled “stuff middle-and upper-class college educated white people like” would be kinda unwieldy, dontcha think? The target of this blog is pretty clear once anyone has read a few posts…assuming they didn’t just come here to spew virulent racist nonesense or other crap.

To: Seamus (#89)…This is a humor site. Besides, the annoying part is when the parent only wants a child to know extra languages because it looks cool to do so. Kind of like having kids as accessories (which is mostly a celebrity/socialite white thing)

To: I’m not really white (#128)…Yes, but only when you are attending sci-fi and comic book conventions

White people in USA usually don’t put spanish as a highly regarded language as french. But…they sure would like to know it.

your just jealous you don’t know 2 languages.

In the Southeast most white people I know would prefer Spanish because we have so many immigrants(especially useful in the consruction/landscaping industry). You can also apply it to travel in Cebtral and South America. What the hell are you gonna with French.

wow…you guys have to get out more, or come to MA, USA. I am white and love people of all colors and races, as long as they are nice to me I will be nice to them. Sounds like you are talking about racism and I know a lot of white people are predjuice, but not all…just like there are good people of all races so there are the bad. So sad to generalize though! Too bad the whole world wasnt the same color…eh, I guess then people would find something else to divide themselves against eachother. Maybe if everyone tried a little harder to get along and looked for what they have in COMMON with people of other colors & races the world instead of focusing on the differences then the world would be a better place.

“you must love your neighbor as yourself” -Matthew 22:39
“love does not work evil to one’s neighbor, therefore love is the laws fulfillment–Romans 13:10

If you look up the definition of the word “neighbor” one meaning says “ones fellow human being”

“Continue to love your enemies and to pray for those persecuting you.”-Matthew 5:44

“Do not let yourself be conuered by the evil, but keep conquering the evil with the good.” -Romans 12:21

Peace, love to you all!

Being able to communicate in more than one (or even two) languages (including HTML, sign language, and morse code) increases one’s job opportunities and the size of one’s social network and list of hobbies (literature, music, and film appreciation).

But…there’s something that makes me reluctant to champion the cause for Mandarin 101 when one is six years old.

I’m Chinese (American citizen by birth). I’m fluent in Mandarin and English, have a working knowledge of French (four yrs in high school) and know random bits of various language.

I can also read and write Korean, and understand a tiny amount. Most of my multilingual abilities was brought upon by interest…not school curriculum.

Wow, yet another time I have been nailed. I didn’t realize I was sooooo white. Recycling, organic gardening, cultural pioneering… I’m not quite affluent or educated enough to fit into the other neat little niches you have so cleverly bared here. Give me time, and I too will be driving my Hybrid and shopping at Whole Foods. Until then its a used Toyota and Walmart groceries… Does Frisbee count as a co-ed sport? I do suck at it.

My little bi-racial daughter (black and white) <>, attends a language immersion school. By the way, it is located in an up-and-coming gentrified neigborhhod. (The building was formerly property of the New Orleans Public School District, with a 99% urban, poor black population. After the Hurricane, the student population had disipated, leaving the already badly neglected building vacant. Our charter leased the building from the school board and re-habed it). However, it is a public school, tuition free. 50% of the student body qualifies for free lunch. The student body is roughly 45% white, 40% black, 10% hispanic, and 5% asian. It’s total language immersion, in either French or Spanish. The school’s motto is “A Global Education for a Diverse World”. The school exists because some parents, fed up with the choice between pricy, exclusive private education and sad, depressing public education, decided to make their own school. We’re 100% parent owned and operated.

I put my daughter in the Spanish program, since I thought it was very practical. She’s fluent, and can actually use it every day, everywhere we go. (Yo hablo tambien. Soy estudiante de espanol in la universidad.) I enjoy seeing spanish speakers eyes light up with surprise and delight when my little girl speaks to them in their native tongue. I think they feel respected. I feel that learning the second largest language in the U.S. is very important for good will. I also enjoy speaking to my daughter, in Spanish, in public, to watch the other white people present squirm. It really does piss them off!

Since we live in New Orleans, French is actually in circulation. My husband is from Ethiopia, so my daughter speaks his language, Amharic, as well. I do know enough to order dinner.

Ok, I’m am done with my patronizing, self pat on the back. Not sure whether to love or hate this blog. It does seem a little mean spirited at times. But I hate those “greener than thou/social activist/I have more piercings/tats than you types” too. Almost as much as my self-loathing, liberal white guilt. Ahhh, what to do?

Rich white kids can’t help who they are and where they came from…just as with poor kids. Getting jealous and bitter towards those born with a silver spoon in their mouths not only is outrageously hypocritical, it just makes you look…well….jealous and bitter.

oh, there’s a rich vein to be worked here for the way that white people want to bring their kids up…it’s insane!

love this blog

hope nobody is clicking on ‘everything I’m not’ …how annoying!

Someone may have said this already, I didnt float thru all 181 comments, but what I think you are really talking about, with MOST of your postings, are RICH people, which is not always WHITE people.

@ #150 (aka Joy) – Another thing white people love – Expatriates.

You should keep in mind that when white people came over here to the Americas, they left behind their much more adaptable European cultures (ie. cultures that are naturally more wont to learn multiple languages as a result of their being in very close proximity to other countries whose citizens did not want to become a “melting pot” [another thing white people like: soup!] ).

Anyway, the earliest Americans had nothing but disdain for their homelands – all the aristocracy/feudal societies/peasantry. They wanted a place where they could win, King George Damn It!

A way that they signified their hatred of the “old ways” was by “assimilating” to each other and creating a “lowest-common-denominator” culture wherein one language, one people was prized over all diversity.

That lasted for a while. And it was fun while it lasted.

Now, diversity is “king” so-to-speak in this country. Why? Well, because all kings and queens always had to know multiple languages (mostly Greek, Latin and French – Greek and Latin are too difficult for most LCD Americans to learn, and Latin’s dead, so…French it is!).

This obsession with multilingual children, in a class of people (white U.S. citizens, not 1st or 2nd generation immigrants) that is so incredibly homogenized and devoid of any true culture (hence their obsession with hip hop, po-mo feminism, apolitical jazz, etc. etc.) is really just an extension of their self-importance in a culture that’s completely BORING!

These folks see themselves as “saving” American culture from its tee-vee-addict, American Idol-watching, low-class baseline.

They are trying to revive the aristocracy through their children.

This, after their ancestors sought to destroy the aristocracy. Ironic, yes.

Successful, yes.

OK…. at this point let me say this…. I don’t care what everyone wants to speak, learn or whatever!!! Good for you all!!! Some people get so touchy iF you says your opinion and thank you to all of you that made a point to tell me that a lot of regions of Africa speak French….. again good for them….
Have wonderfull weekend all of you!!!!!!
BUON FINE SETTIMANA A TUTTI!!!!

i would prefer my children be arrogant and make everyone learn their native language to communicate with them. no, wait, that is actually what most white people do.

OMG I really need to get up earlier to comment on this blog. Being number 180 does nothing for my ego. for this post I would have suggested the opposite: White People Love to speak English and make other people speak English too. (immigrants) BUT White Americans on the other hand seem to roll their eyes at real English accent… which sounds Snotty to White peoples ears.
I had a Black British friend (Ainsworth) who always got accused of faking his accent. No one believed that he was actually from England.
Sure yuppies and buppies want their children to speak French I on the other hand would be very happy with a kid that spoke with a British accent.
Perhaps I should send my darkest baby to finishing school in England. I hear the accent rubs off in no time.
that would be really cool.
oh I love this blog.

Spanish is one of the most popular college majors among white students. Especially in the current college-age population, Spanish is outrageously popular. It helps people work in education, health care and other fields where Hispanic Americans need service.

It is closer to English than, say, Chinese and is more useful in the United States, so white student flock to it.

This article is a little out-dated. White people love Spanish!

This blog is hilarious, but does anyone feel that it is implying that if there are people from other cultural backgrounds that do these things also that they’re being “white”?

I think, if so, that finding that mildly offensive…is pretty white.

Some more things white people like:
Biracial Children (they create their own exotic mini-mes to objectify)
Asians (esp. thin Asian women, but NOT with Asian-sounding names, also, Asian Babies [see Maddox and Pax Jolie-Pitt, Daisy True])
Thai Food
Homeschooling (this crosses political AND economic privilege lines, so it gets an A+++)
Field Hockey (and I am at a loss to understand this one)
Beauty Pageants (but rich black folk do this too, see Jack & Jill clubs)
Green Tea (and smoothies)
Think-Tanks
Cold Climates (see Seattle, Portland)
Riot Grrrl Music
Blogs (everyone’s 15 minutes of fame)
Knitting (esp. revolutionary knitters)
Composting
Magnet Schools (actually, anything involving a “separate but equal” education system fits the bill)
Tax Breaks
Women’s Collectives
Whitelocks (when white kids get dreadlocks and spend a year traveling the world, man!)
Supporting Small Business (as an alternative to big corporations, and not because you have no choice)
Madrigal choirs
Ethiopian children (see Zahara Jolie-Pitt)

In general, I think white people PREFER FOREIGN ANYTHING to American diversity (ie. I’m sure more white people would think about dating a brown-skinned person with a foreign accent, than dating a brown-skinned American. Of course, if that person is a brown-skinned upper-class American [such as myself, who speaks French and Spanish as well as Standard American English] it’s okay.

Oh, and a message for Miss Vanilla in a Chocolate City: This little sentence of yours – “I think they feel respected.” – totally dehumanizing!

Why don’t you ASK them how they feel? Ask them what it’s like to see a small black child holding hands with a white woman, speaking to them in a language that is neither of their native languages, as a gesture of “goodwill.”

Ask them how they feel about having their school taken over and suddenly made diverse (because you wouldn’t send your daughter there when it was 99% black and low-quality).

Way to profit from Hurricane Katrina!

What a great blog. I heard about you on, of course, NPR!

When I was in high school my parents wanted me to take Spanish because it was EASY to learn, not like French according to them, and German was just out-of-the-question because between the two there was not a single drop of German blood in them. Why that mattered to them, I don’t know because there was no Spanish or French blood in them either. I took two years of Spanish in HS and three semesters of French in college and I can’t remember words in Spanish but I can remember some in French (especially verbs-why? who knows).

Anyway, I am now the parent of teenagers and I WANT them take Spanish because it may help them someday in their careers. I wouldn’t be too upset if they had preferred French, but German? No way! I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree : ) All you people who took German DON’T get too upset b/c I am JK!!!!!

White people also love Oprah

Asian Women
Biracial Children (exotic mini-mes to objectify)
Field Hockey
Crew
Magnet Schools
Homeschooling
Tanning and Botox
Whitelocks (dreadlocks for white kids)
“Taking a year off”
Expatriates
Social movements in 3rd World Countries (ie. Zapatistas, Che Guevara)
Irony, Sarcasm, and Cynicism
Harry Potter
Noam Chomsky
Ethnic Studies
Hostels
Marrying a Foreigner
Non-Conflict Diamonds
Taylor Swift
Tyra Banks’ show

So, another reason why Canada is a white person paradise! All our kids speak english and french at least, some lucky first-gen kids get to learn their parents mother tongues too so many people are tri- and quad-lingual.. All the more reason Canada ought to get out of NAFTA and join the EU.

I do find it slightly offensive that this blog suggests that if you like any of these things, you are white (even if you’re not). BUT I am also aware that my black parents raised me to be fluent in the middle-class and hopefully upper-class white culture so…I acknowledge my inner whiteness. C’est simplement la vie aux Etats-Unis!

“I guess it makes them feel more European if they’re able to acquire the Castilian accent. ”

Well, the Spaniards are not too happy that the amerindians, mulattos and blacks in Latin America speak their language.

A Puerto Rican acquaintance of mind went to Spain and was told: “you people have butchered our language, ruined our fine culrture, etc.

The Spaniards’ big mistake was giving out their fine European surnames to all the people they civilized.

Now you have a black like “Sammy Sosa” running around and some idiots equate it with Spanish.

take it from me..white people like anything that does not make them look so “white’..so boring..which they might not be….they actually like diversity,learning new things..following trends …just like anyone else of any other color….people are just people, and all likes are subjective…the one thing they don’t like is…being considered white, and boring

White people love France and the French language only because poor white people hate them. It’s an eternal source of conflict.

http://awaitingtenure.wordpress.com/

#198 “Biracial children”

Damn Mel. That does occur sometimes, and it’s a joke. Look at Obama’s hippie mom. She gets knocked up by a black dude, and then what?

The black dude takes off on her, leaving her to raise the Mulatto on her own with the only the help of the civilized White grandparents.

Still, even after reality hits her, she clings to the self-destructive liberal white women syndrome!!!

She wins the anti-Darwin award for flushing her fine White genes, handed down to her by ancestors over thousands of years, right down the toilet!

The only thing Obama’s black dad didn’t do according to script is beat the White women before he took off.

Yep, I went the easy route and married a foreigner. My son speaks better Krio and Fula (from Sierra Leone) than he does English. My wife and I mostly speak Krio, so hopefully he’ll be able to keep it up as he grows older.

Spanish people (as in people from Spain) are white. They are in Europe, afterall! There are white Latinos (Latinos of European descent). So why wouldn’t white people like Spanish, if there are already white people speaking Spanish? Maybe this blog is just limited to the white experience in the U.S., in which case, it should be called “Stuff white identified people in the U.S. like,” but that’s a bit wordy.

#152 I love Black Star

guilty as charged.

i used to LOVE telling stories about my travels through Europe. camping on the Greek islands, staying in Hostels, having a Europass + sleeping on the trains at night. also had to talk about the museums that i went to e.g. Van Gogh in Amsterdam, Dali in Figueres, Picasso in Barcelona, Prado in Madrid, Louvre + Musée d’Orsay in Paris.

must admit that i felt SO superior to anyone who hadn’t been to Europe. also felt superior knowing that i backpacked + did it cheap.

I can think of a few more topics:

- Collectables
- Tea Parties
- Global Warming
- Jay Leno
- Restoring old cars
- Retro things
- Contemporary Art

www. jonesview.wordpress.com

I’m black. And I have a black cousin who grew up in Montreal (Canada) and she only spoke French as a child. She actually had to learn to speak English as she got older.

One of my hair stylist is black also. She’s fluent in English, French, and Spanish.

My best friend is black and he was born in . . . (hold up, you ready for this?) . . . Germany. Yes – he’s a black German.

I can see the mouths hanging open in utter shock at the idea of a black person knowing another language other than Ebonics.

LoL!

I love this site, keep’em coming . . .

As a white person who speaks English, Spanish, Thai, Tibetan and Chinese (although that last one is still kinda rough) my kids (if I have any. blahhhhh) will be raised asian language multi lingual. Why raise ‘em spanish multilingual when they can learn that in SCHOOL. thats just LAZY hehehehe.

This is my favorite blog not run by a friend. Having lots of friends who are bloggers is very white.

I smell a big fat book deal that should keep you in expensive croissants and coffee for a long time to come.

I thought this blog was mostly funny when I started reading it, now its slightly annoying maybe re-title

stuffsmartpeoplelike

French.
only good in France and st barts……

this one lost a bit of fizzle for me…don’t lose the touch!

http://www.platenuts.com

My parents sent me to a French immersion school when I was younger. I am now studying International Relations and I hope to work for the U.N. one day. My parents used to showcase their little 5 year old French-speaking daughter to all of their friends like I was a zoo animal. And yes, I stopped going to the Lycee Francaise in downtown Chicago because it was too expensive. =)

P.S. I absolutely love your blog.

Dear Fact-Finder,
I can’t tell which side of the debate you’re on but…nearly everyone whose family has been in this country for more than 4 generation is multiracial (they just don’t know it yet). When I mentioned that “white people love multiracial children” I wasn’t saying that with complete disdain – I mean, kids are cute (a lot of them anyway, not all of them). If you want to have kids, okay (but there’s a lot that need adopting!). But if you seek out a husband or wife based on their race and the way that your children will look with their genes, now that’s just wrong.
-Mel

Even though I like this blog, I really hope you don’t get a book deal out of it.

Anyone could do this. It’s not hard. Everyone’s aware of how particular some rich white people are. It’s not neuroscience.

If you do get a book deal, I won’t be buying it.

Well, I grew up speaking two languages: Slovak & English. Slovak was from the horrid “communist countries”. So, it was frowned upon to boast that I was bilingual. Later on, I learned German, French, Portuguese, Russian lwell enough to visit & teach in the native language of the country. Since my “ears” had been opened to another language in the first place, languages were not difficult for me.

I have found that those same people who want their kids to speak another language are the kids from the same generation who was repulsed by other languages kids in my neighborhood spoke. They were all evangelicals then, and probably are the same now.

Mark

This (includes the concept of this blog, this post, and all the comments) is SO hilarious. I can’t get over it. I’m glad Daily Candy pointed me to it.

I think that Spanish is acceptable if:

a) kids learn fancy Castillian Spanish while studying overseas. This has been mentioned before in the thread.

or

b) If they do, in fact, learn it from the housekeeper/nanny/household staff person. JACKPOT. The parents then have a concrete example of how “gifted” the child is. You know, for learning the language of the nice lady who raises it.

If the language learned from nanny-person is French, the parents may actually die from happiness. What is important to note here, is that upwardly mobile African-Americans, or plain old upper class African-Americans, also expect their “gifted” children to learn a second language from the nanny-person, but in this situation, ONLY French is acceptable.

I do think Asian languages are going to have to be next in what white people will be teaching their kids. Because too many other white kids are in French lessons already. What was that terrible SM Gellar movie? The one that was a remake of Dangerous Liasons? I think it was called “Cruel Intentions”? Anyway, in one scene she rattles off some Vietnamese to her asain housekeeper-person and then makes some comment about what a pretty language Vietnamese is. You know, because she’s not only smart enough to learn it, she’s cultured enough to appreciate it. Appreciation is the pinnacle of whiteness. The EVEREST of Whiteness, if you will.

It’s coming, people. I agree with a previous poster – we’re all gonna have kids learning Mandarin soon…

I totally agree with Betsy…this is so great, I’m thrilled that Daily Candy brought me here!

your blog is hilarious, but to be honest has not been so witty of late. perhaps space out the posting. if not, it may lose the appeal it originally had.

Please write about asking about your “weekend plans” on Fridays. It makes me nuts.

what about “tight clothes”? or “funny haircuts”?

I’m so glad that I stumbled upon this….pretty much every section speaks the truth.

As for multilingual white children. It really is something I noticed among those of higher level education to have taken more then 5 language classes before college.

I’ve only taken 2 and they were for Spanish.

Most of the bloggers on this site are slightly annoying. Here is how it should go, laugh, write a witty response to enhance the blog. No one cares about your uncle with bilingual kids. This is a funny site just enjoy it. Also, book deal ? Yeah ok…

So true! Both my wife and I are bilingual (Spanish and American Sign Language), but neither of us speak each other’s language.

The irony – our children will probably never learn either language and will be angry at us when their older for not teaching them French.

Yeah! This is really funny! Racism is fu..ing hilarious, at least when you turn it on someone else. If I wrote a blog talking about “Black People” and lumped you all together I’d be fired and disgraced, but for you to make fun of my race is fu..ing hilarious. And we wonder why racism will never end…….
And yes I do understand sarcasm, and yet I find nothing funny about this.
An English Speaker only and proud of it!

@ Preachy

You’re a moron.

I am an American born Vietnamese. When white people find out I am fluent in Vietnamese they look at me with amazement like I’m an aurora or something because I have no “accent” when I am speaking English.

This has helped me get in w/ many white people because they feel like I am their cultural enrichment.

@Preachy

Also, how do you know an African American is the host of this site? I’m white and I’m super pissed i didn’t think of this first. Ohhhh you’re from the middle of the country. I get it.

1) Post 135: you can’t be ‘more unique’. Wow, does that ever annoy me.

2) If you are asian/brown/black/whatever and you think that because lots of people ride bikes or speak another language where you’re from, so you are offended because you think the writer is saying ‘you’re white’, or ‘only white do these things’, she/he is not. You take yourself too seriously.

(White people like to make sure they don’t assume writers/doctors/lawyers etc. are male.)

3) If you are asian/black/brown/whatever and you are mad that white people enjoy making fun of themselves, you also take yourself too seriously. Your indignation that only you have the right to make fun of us only intensifies the joke for me.

4) Future topic: White people love ‘not taking themselves too seriously’. And making lists.

keep posted to
http://everythingimnot.wordpress.com
give feedback

I agree with the comment made by Mango Girl (19) As a Black Brit who is now living in Africa, the ex-pat community pay huge to send their kids to the American British/British/French/German school(s). For black folk who like to copycat and also try to get their kids into these schools (weird isn’t it as Africans here are complaining that their own tribal languages are facing extinction but they also want their kids to learn European languages!) find it a struggle as they are always kept at the bottom of the waiting list as the schools have a ‘secret’ policy to make sure there is always rooms for the ex-pat kids. Maybe when whites live abroad – especially if it’s a Third world country, they are reminded of who and what they are.

White people treasure The New Yorker above all things save dogs. Conspicuously reading The New Yorker on the subway is a signal to others that you are smart and sophisticated. The Economist filled this role at one point, but then they went and endorsed Bush that one time which permanently damaged their reputation among white people.

lol, you are so right, i’m a French major and you have no idea how some of my classmates are mad at their parents for not teaching them French earlier.

Hey Sam,
What make you assume I am white, cause I am not…so who’s the moron now!

Oh for heaven’s sake. This blog just reminds us that white people are not above cultural stereotypes. And hey, not all of this stuff (including today’s post) are bad! But ALL are funny. However, if today’s post stops anyone of any race from ever again saying “In my Emma’s immersion program, she is learning to cook crepes,” it will be worth it.

@Preachy

Take a look at what you wrote moron. I don’t assume anything.

Preachy Wrote,
“If I wrote a blog talking about “Black People” and lumped you all together I’d be fired and disgraced, but for you to make fun of my race is fu..ing hilarious.”

@Preachy

Oh and since when do we claim ownership on a race? YOU ARE RETARDED!!

What about white people (Americans specifically) that sucked at foreign languages so bad, their only alternative was to start spelling things British? (favourite, colour, mum, practise, organise, cos instead of cuz…)

I am outraged by this article and many of these reactions. My kids go to a French school and the reasons why I placed them in that school were exactly the opposite of the ones mentioned in so many of these bloggs.
First ,I did want them to learn a second language. However, the greater reason was that I wanted them to be exposed to people of many races, religions and beliefs. At our school, we have francophones from Africa, Asia, Europe, the Middle East and Latin America. Every child at the school speaks at least two languages if not three. French is actually the one thing they do have in common. I do hope that if parents are placing their children in bilingual schools is not to turn them into snobs but rather to open their eyes to other cultures and beliefs. Also, if the French bilingual schools are not creating a curriculum with this goal in mind, they are wasting their time!

I would like to request that you explain to me why the Whites are so bananas over St. Patrick’s day. I know most people are into alcohol and parades but not to the degree that they tap 3 kegs at 9 am on a Saturday.

Please clarify.

Merci/Gracias/Gamsamneeda/Danke Schon

It’s refreshing to see people still cling to gross generalizations and racist commentary to make themselves feel warm and superior. With all the real problems…social, economic, weapons of mass destruction…..I can’t believe this many people actually have time to think like this.
I was raised in almost fully Hispanic neighborhoods, speak Mexican not Spanish, and know it is far more important for my children to learn math, science, tolerance, physics, patience, economics, how to stand up for what is right, etc…..than other languages.

new post over at http://everythingimnot.wordpress.com

First off, my son will never read the Times. Scondly, if he ever willingly learns French I’ll probably have to kill him and start over again. My son will NEVER learn the language of the Cheese-Eating, Surrender-Monkey.

I prefer my son to drive a pick-up and walk with a swagger thank you very much.

“Humiliate those liberal scumbags – they’re the real hatemongers!”

ZOMGZ ZEE LIBERALS

ZOMGZ ZEE CONSERVATIVES

99th thing white people like — having a frog-in-the-well sense of politics.

(And you people will find that Libertarianism is the way to go.)

Funny… I learned Spanish for one main reason — so no-one could ever talk about me right in front of me (yeah, middle school rocked). Oh, it has been sooooo worth it! Nothing like hearing stuff about the blonde gringa, and then casually asking someone in Spanish to push the button on the elevator, etc. Ahhh…

That being said — French?? Really? I had no idea that was de rigeur in the suburbs. (that was unintentional irony, but I’m going with it). How odd, unless one plans to move to Canada or Africa. When visiting France, my friend and I got along just fine with combinations of English, German, and Italian. Ok, fine, we didn’t talk English, even though they understood it Ah France, what an odd place… People *aspire* to be French?

OMG. this is the funniest stuff i’ve read in a LONG time. and so on point.

“White people believe that if they had been given French language instruction when they were younger, their lives would have turned out very differently. Instead of living in the US, they would be living and working abroad for the United Nations or some other organization with a headquarters in Switzerland or The Hague.”

sadly, i admit to thinking this…

What? Spanish is a poor substitute? Yeah, I guess. It’s kind of assumed you can speak Spanish down down in the Gulf Coast or near the border (as I’m sure you know). Go Rockets!

Spanish language jobs:

Castillian Spanish: Finance, Media, Technology, Executive Level . Travel and posting abroad including Latin America.

South American Spanish: Training managers for American franchises in Latin America. Probably in Bentonville, Arkansas(Wal-Mart headquarters).

Mexican, Puerto Rican, or Dominican Spanish: Bilingual teacher at public schools, translator at hospitals or prisons, managing kitchen at mid-priced chain. In a midwestern city.

This white girl is delighted that she fond this blog before Daily Candy did.

I find the comments just as funny as the blog posts– so funny how seriously some people take sarcasm.

Keep up the good work!

Anyone that wishes to discuss this stupid website with me personally, please call me at 212 -659-4495. Anyone on here who thinks that any of this material is funny or in some way thought provoking is a moron and when you call me, I will convince you of this or convince you that you are indeed the moron!

Felice Marcy…….wear it you idiots!

#98 Brownie:

By the acronym AAVE I assume you mean “African American Vernacular English” ?

White people like to argue on the internet.

on February 29, 2008 at 11:34 am241

Cat

“I am outraged by this article and many of these reactions. My kids go to a French school and the reasons why I placed them in that school were exactly the opposite of the ones mentioned in so many of these bloggs.
First ,I did want them to learn a second language. However, the greater reason was that I wanted them to be exposed to people of many races, religions and beliefs. At our school, we have francophones from Africa, Asia, Europe, the Middle East and Latin America. Every child at the school speaks at least two languages if not three. French is actually the one thing they do have in common. I do hope that if parents are placing their children in bilingual schools is not to turn them into snobs but rather to open their eyes to other cultures and beliefs. Also, if the French bilingual schools are not creating a curriculum with this goal in mind, they are wasting their time!”

LOL, this blog salutes your awesome whiteness!

Go to http://pnewb.wordpress.com! It is the best website I have ever seen!

The only “immersion program” that hippies should be sending their kids to involves a giant cage and a very deep lake.

If you think this kind of ignorance and sarcasm is funny, you need to come to work with me for a couple of days. I work in an inner city school which is mostly Hispanic and Black and I spend more time trying to keep all the brown people from killing each other and hating each other because of their different levels of “Browness”. It is because people still think this CRAP is funny and teach their children this racial nonsense that most good teachers won’t come anywhere near an inner city school. I have been here for five years, and am an excellent teacher, but am about to give up and go to the suburbs where I will be appreciated and can actually teach instead of spending my time breaking up fights and trying to teach tolerance. (which by the way should be taught at home, not at school)

Heh. This white person just spent the morning touring the local French immersion school. At least now I get to feel like part of a tribe.

The reason why French is the language (along with Latin) the upper class expects its children to learn — and by extension the language the upper middle and portions of the middle class who are trying to ape what they see as upper class mores — is quite simple: that’s what the English aristocracy and upper class learn at public school (what we’d call private schools) or through being ‘privately educated’ (what we’d call home-schooled). The American WASP upper classes (classes because they’re rather different in Boston, New York-Philadelphia, and Richmond-Charleston, respectively, have always aped the English upper classes and, especially in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, intermarried with them (i.e. American heiress marries impoverished Duke or Earl or Baron).

http://everythingimnot.wordpress.com
keep checkin it out and give me some feedback and a ton of hits to come back to
tell your friends about it
keep it alive

You’re so friggin’ hilarious, I blogged about your blog. How silly is that?! Check it out: http://heatherstrang.com/blog/writing/

Keep it up. I love it!
Heather

My posting would be:

White males often enjoy commenting on sports- formulating opinions,
theories- becoming violently angry about the quality of sports teams,
players and their skills, coaching techniques, and “what should be
done,” while often posesseing little to no athletic ability of their
own.

Re: 144 LATIN

Latin has falling off the radar completely to such a degree that books written about Jung use it has evidence that he was some sort of Satanic Messiah-wannabe because he could actually hold lengthly conversations in Latin and ‘everyone knows’ Latin is the language of Pagans, Witches & Devil worshipers’ et al.

By enlarge pagans are the only interested parties vis-a-vis using Latin on a quotidian basis as it were. They are most unique in this regard.

So unless you plan on scaring up a Black Mass yer barking up the wrong tree cat-wise.

e pluribus uranus

Why are people so bothered by this website? Almost everything the author points out or ‘makes fun of’ are good things. Learning a second language, recycling, riding a bicycle, etc. are not things to be ashamed of, even though they are funny to joke about.

If only we, ‘white people,’ could convince other people to do the same goofy things that we enjoy so much.

The Spanish vs. French debate is very interesting, and one the I have jibed my francophone loving friends for quite a bit. I actually feel like the current trend among global citizen/social justice minded parents is to encourage their kids to learn Spanish or Chinese, since it will be infinitely more useful in the future. Even at Yale, that bastion of old white culture that it still is, there are just as many kids learning Spanish as French. Being from Texas and growing up around Spanish as kid, I naturally drifted toward the language, and I am so grateful that I did. It has been an amazing journey which has taken me across Latin America, in countries as different as any earth, such as Brazil and Argentina, Mexico, Guatemala and Ecuador. I would love to go to Spain someday, but I hardly think that it will be superior to the places and people I have met across these two continents. There is an incredible world of diversity right in our back yard, and I am amazed how people in the States are still so oblivious to it. The Europeans certainly aren’t, and they are usually the ones I run into down here. Also, all due respect to Spain Spanish, but who the hell wants to speak with a lisp?! It is not attractive people–at all, at all. Mexican Spanish and Ecuadorian are two of the most beautiful forms of language that I have encountered. Learn Argentine lumfardo at your own peril! And Portuguese is probably the most beautiful floral language in the world. It’s like honey. Brazil is the real jem in Latin America that most people (even many latin americanists) still have yet to discover.

Here is a crash course on the difference between Whites (Spaniards) and the mestizos, amerindians, mulattos, and blacks in Latin America.

Whites need to read this and know it,

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Casta

because every single Mexican or Latin American non-White knows this, and thinks about it every time he sees a White person…..and is amazed that Whites don’t take more care of their heritage.

So sad but true! Ha ha. I recently told my husband that I wanted our future kids to have a Spanish speaking nanny.
Spanish can also be OK if you talk about travelling to Argentina. It’s cool like Spain and seems slightly exotic. But those are pretty much the only two countries that impress the majority of white people… ; )

how abou this for a blog idea: “white people like to give weird-ass names to their off-spring”.
And if they ever meet another white person with an unusual weird-ass name they will not be able to abstain from commenting on it, and trying to guess its origin: “Shmacey? Wow, what an unusual name! Is that Orcadian?”
No, dip shit. It’s not.

Actually it is very sad that parents that speak a language do not pass it on to their kids. If you consider that learning a foreign language costs years and big $$$ later in life (if that is possible) it might be better to make sure your kid speaks your native. In general immigrant parents devalue the value of their home language. 20 years ago Chinese was not particularly useful, funny how that changed.

AAVE? Who came up with that one?

It’s a TRAP!!

pardon, pour la rhétorik il me faut frapper en texto (entk ca me fait plein d’energie)

alors ouais elle est de rigeur! koi k ca dépende du kel “de rigeur” veut dire, mé en voyant l’ignorance du monde la, il me semble k c probablement trop difficile de expliker ou d s’opposer aux bigots

de rigueur, hein? keske c? ca ne reviendra pas probablement kom surprise k les gens ki le dise sont les memes ki dise k la langue d’Algérie ou de la Réunion ou des régions méridonales ne son pas la vraie langue ou le “francé de france”. é la langue d’Oc? Le catalan? Bof!

I’m Asian. But I look white because I’m more French. And I sometimes I act black, though it doesn’t fit. I speak Spanish. I want to marry a Frenchman and die in the arms of a Russian. I think Russian is pretty posh and someday it will have its hay-day. I like eating rice and sometimes French fries too. Spanish fries are even better. And Vietnamese Toast is the best for breakfast. Have you ever dated a Mexican? They will love you like no other. And the French feed your soul with their eyes. Russians will hold a gun to your head while they tell you how beautiful you are. Asians look at me like I’m crazy when I buy 25 pound bags of jasmine rice. Jews like my cynicism. Colombians love my ass – it moves a lot when I dance. Ecuadorians like my eyes – mysterious and watery just like their famous little Darwinian island. I like people in general and I guess I’m kind of white or maybe Native American, but no one really knows I just look dark and distant. And I want my kids to speak 4 languages, so I will have to become a Mormon in order to marry 3 people. I really don’t like Utah though.

That’s great to hear because I like white guys. Am I much more ‘attractive’ to have children with because I speak three languages in total, fluently (even though one of them is Spanish)….

i love this post. it describes me completely. completely. absoutely. totally.

(the above was typed in light-level SMS to ward away expat parent retards like charlotteotter)

******201 Ferdinand******

“The Spaniards’ big mistake was giving out their fine European surnames to all the people they civilized.”

Seriously, this comment has fascism written all around, or just plain ignorance. First off, the Spanish colonists NEVER [gave] out their “fine European surnames,” we (Latin Americans) inherited these surnames. The English settlers that came to the U.S. were the one’s that ‘gave out’ their surnames to the African slaves. The Spanish on the other hand pretty much stuck their penis in anything that moved when they came to this continent, primarily Amerindian women already here and female African slaves, thus creating a vast mixture of humans composed of different races who now happen to be Latin Americans. The real melting pot in this continent is not found north of the Rio Grande, but the regions south of it. For those not familiar with Latin American history/culture, the 3 pillars of Latin America in terms of peoples, are African, European, and Amerindian. Later on there was a great influx of Asians that found their way to this region as well as Middle Easterners. The Spanish themselves are not pure bloods, they were under Arabian/North African/Muslim rule for almost 800 years!!!!!! Not to mention that they have Latin (Roman) blood. That is why Latin Americans come in all shapes, sizes and colors although most people in the world automatically link Latino with ‘brown.’ So Ferdinand, we have Spanish surnames by birth right, not entitlement.

In regards to “all the people they civilized”…..its obvious you have a eurocentric view of the world. The cultures that flourished in Mexico before the arrival of the Spanish were highly ‘civilized,’ advanced and substantial. True, the Spanish brought european technology which eased life in the new world, but they also brought death, disease and
useless ideology like Christianity. Not to mention that they enslaved all native populations, but I guess that’s highly civilized in your opinion.

271, pardon.

a bit fast, fly the comments on the blog.

Odd. I’ve been struggling to teach myself Spanish off and on for years (poor attention span), and it’s never occurred to me to think of it as inferior to French. Other people do? My thoughts have always been, ‘ooh, Spanish, that’ll be the most useful!’.

White people, if they don’t speak French, try to make things *sound* French. EVERY white person I know calls Target “Tarjaaaaaay”. EACH AND EVERY ONE – and that’s a lot.

Odd. I’ve been struggling to teach myself Spanish off and on for years (poor attention span), and it’s never occurred to me to think of it as inferior to French. Other people do? My thoughts have always been, ‘ooh, Spanish, that’ll be the most useful!’.

#276 Wrong.

How did the Filipinos get their Spanish surnames? Inherit them? LOL!!!! I don’t think so.

All of you people are idiots.

Flores – The native peoples of the Americas were just as violent as the Europeans who conquered them. People are people. Unless you think that Europeans are somehow differerent than all other people. Which, of course, would be racist of you. The only difference between the native peoples and the colonizing Europeans was the technology generated by a more complex and advanced society and culture.

One of the big reasons, aside from geography and the presence of animals that were easily domesticated, that Europeans were so dominant, is that they adopted technology from other cultures. Like mathematics and navigation instruments from the Arabs and ruddered ships and gun powder from the Chinese. It was Europeans willingness to adopt foreign technology that lead to their domination which continues today.

Native peoples murdered each other and stole each others land thousands of years before Europeans ever arrived. People are people, man. We’re all the same. Get the chip off your shoulder.

Flores – by the way, way to get the word “fascist” into that post. Whenever I hear that word thrown around I know I’m dealing with a dim-witted liberal.

PS #276 There are so many Mexicans that somehow have Spanish surnames, and it’s totally obvious they are amerindian and don’t have one drop of European blood. The tons of Mayans that work in Cancun, and have Spanish surnames are a perfect example of this.

What percent of Filipinos have European genes to go along with their surnames? It’s probably less than 1%.

****281 Fact Finder****

I was clearly talking about Latin American history…I have very limited info regarding the Spanish and Filipinos. Things might have been different there…

I mean, to be fair Noodles, genocide is no small chip.

oh my lord.
this is so true it hurts.

So according to Fact-Finder, you’re only European if you look “European”….. but how exatly do Europeans look like. Europe itself is so diverse that I doubt one can come up with a European trait.

Reading this blog is becoming a ritual for me. But really, some of these people (the – forgot to take their medication humorless anal retentive – crowd) is slowly eroding this wonderful triumphant satirical community you have created.

I ran across a Frenchman in the Canadian wilderness once. He tasted like cheese.

To be fair…..What about the genocide in Darfur- perpetrated by blacks? What about the Armenian Genocide – perpetrated by Turks? What about the thousands of years of genocidal tribal warfare in sub-saharan Africa?

If you think Europeans, or their descendants, are any more or less violent than any other race you are a racist.

You all need a little less indoctrination and a little more education.

Flores, you are right. Whites (Europeans) have the MOST diveristy of any other race. Whites have blonde, red and brown hair. Whites can have green, blue and brown eyes.

The other races ironically don’t provide diversity to Whites, they help destroy it.

just a few things that i think of when i think of my fellow whites …

- expensive photo shoots of their families (esp. newborn children)
- having friends from other countries (and loudly pointing it out to anyone who will listen – ie. “well, MY FRIEND ANNE FROM KENYA says …”) it’s way better than just having a black friend – THAT friend is an “authentic minority”
- inanely debating whether or not this blog and other writings of a similar nature are, in fact, “racist”
- the o.c.
- gilmore girls
- any other show where there are only one or two (incredibly stereotypical) minorities (if any)
- debating the left/right leanings of cnn and fox news
- rainbow flip flops and birkenstocks
- the leno/letterman debate
- debating all manner of stupid things
- graduating magna/summa cum laude (if this can be done while also maintaining high status within their fraternity/sorority as a beer pong champ, so much the better)
- having to “check their calendar” before they can agree to do ANYTHING, even having dinner as a family
- saying, “i have [depression, bipolar, ocd, adhd, dyslexia, a learning disability, drinking problem, etc.], thus i should be excused for any and all unacceptable behavior”

The Arabs synthesised mathematical theory from the pre-existing Greek and Indian schools of mathematics, though they did have many of their own contributions. It was the Hindis who invented precalculus.

“It was Europeans willingness to adopt foreign technology that lead to their domination which continues today.”

Hasty generalisation.

It was the small Italian states — Milan, Florence, etc. who rapidly adopted those weapons, as well as the Turks (who were fighting against other vast empires). Whereas the French could afford to deploy great flanking testudos of immense rows of gendarmes and pikemen, the small Italian city-states had to utilise every technological advantage they could find in order not to get wiped out.

The rest of the European nations were rather slow to adopt new technology.

Anonymous: FYI: Facism has different implications here and in the Latin America. Like you said, if the term is tossed around here, you’re tagged as a liberal, in Latin America is quite different due to the fact that race is treated differently there. Just as ‘liberal’ is used differently here and in the Europe.

hannah,

You hit the nail on the head with the learning disability thing. My parents had me diagnosed young and it was a great socially acceptable excuse for my outlandish behavior (which I engaged in because they didn’t beat my ass).

Now as an adult I have used my psychobabble of a disorder to excuse myself for my continued outlandish behavior. Who says you can’t play the system to your advantage?

What White People like already has a website. It’s called the internet you dumbass.

Ted Anderson

J’aime bien ce site! C’est tres drole, et c’est vrai que les blancs — “white people,” comme vous dites — aiment parler francais.

Vive la difference!

White Europeans often lambast US culture, foreign policy, etc.(which
is perfectly understandable), while forgetting all about historic and
contemporary European colonialism, and racism.

“Whites (Europeans) have the MOST diveristy of any other race. Whites have blonde, red and brown hair. Whites can have green, blue and brown eyes.”

Please take a basic course in genetics kthxbai

I wonder if anyone made fun of Victorians and their narrowness back in those days, or if it was only afterwards. It is a funny kind of neo-Victorianism, isn’t it? Total certainty they have the world and human beings figured out, that they stand astride all of it as beacons of pure sweet reason (but with due false humility that exists only to absolve themselves of their arrogance). This whole elaborate, rigid, ultimately pointless set of rules about what is fashionable, what is decent, what is good and sacred and what is profane.

They believed they were the bright, shining beacons of an enlightened age, too. What they really were was the side effect of power and prosperity, second-tier intellects from the middle class with extra money and time on their hands, desperately hungry for class and status. And, decades after they passed, they became the very definition of narrowness and arrogance.

Which is the certain fate of the modern liberal, of course. It’s already happening. And none too soon for my taste.

white people are often drawn to “extreme” sports, like mountain climbing, skydiving, cliff jumping, etc.

If it hasn’t already been pointed out, White people especially like learning French because it makes their threat to move to Canada that much more real.

Wouldnt exactly agree with Europe being the most diverse region on earth, but do agree with the fact that it’s diverse nonetheless….why then do most people assume Europe=’White People’???

#295 – perhaps the rest of Western Europe was slower to adopt some technology. However, they did adopt it and improve upon it (using gun powder in guns, for example) before non-Europeans and implemented that technology with devastating effectiveness. And that’s the real point, isn’t it?

My kids will learn the languages in Star Wars. Including Chewbaccan.

Other things white people like:

Tom’s of Maine
Autistic Kids (and writing books about them)
Cardigan Sweaters
Shetland Sweaters
Eco-friendly Clothing (ie. Simple Shoes, etc.)
Hemp Bracelets (and any Ethnic Jewelry)
Using the word Ethnic as a euphemism for Black
Using the term “Inner-City” as a euphemism for Black
Martha’s Vineyard
“The Morning Paper”
JFK Jr.
The Beatles
Star Trek
Co-Op Grocers
“Going Paperless”
Art History
Guilt (often misplaced)
Making words like “Ebonics” more PC by calling it African American Vernacular English
The name “Molly” for a girl
The name “Taylor” for either gender

I should start my own damn blog!
-Mel

PS – To Hannah, comment 294, I would add Rainbow Anything (ie. Tie Dye, and not just flip flops)

@#297 Bob

When white people get their kids misdiagnosed with learning/behavior disabilities in order to gain special treatment, it usually results with things like an extra 90 minutes to complete the SAT.

When Asian/Black/Hispanic kids get misdiagnosed with learning/behavior disabilities, it is usually because a teacher has a bias against them and wants to put them in remedial classes, not give them an added advantage.

So, use the system. But know that the system was made to benefit you in the first place.

“Some white doctor said that Aids came from someone having sex with a monkey….
….WORD?!?!
You either have sex with humans or monkeys. Once you decide to fuck a monkey that’s a firm decision, there’s no going back. Your not going to have sex with a chimp on monday and than call up Charlene on Thursday.
‘Yo dog, you wanna go to the club tonight?’
‘Naw, Im’a chill at home with my monkey…
Do you no how long it took me to train this monkey to suck my dick, without peeling it? Last week I taught Chim-Chim to jerk me off with his feet, only a monkey can show you that kind of love and tenderness.’”
-Dave Chappelle “Live at the Filmore”

Good stuff –

Guess what? White people love to make fun of themselves — that’s why this blog should be in its own top ten. Very white, very ‘preppie handbook” for today.

#308 – Mel – anger and stupidity are not a good combination.

Yeah. U.S. teachers purposely hold minority kids back because they are “biased” against them. What if the teacher is black/Asian/Hispanic?

You do realize that for the past 45 years minorities have an a legislatively guaranteed advantaged over whites, right? Ever hear of quotas or affirmative action?

Yes, the white majority has allowed itself to be systematically discriminated against for generations because we’re all “biased” against minorities.

How does the inside of your colon look?

a chant heard on the playground of Irvington Elementary School in NE Portland, OR. USA:
“It’s a fight, it’s a fight, between a nigger and a white, but the white can’t fight so the nigger’s alright.”
class of ‘89

To 94 Murray

“Speak up, please, anyone who can speak Swedish that wasn’t born in Sweden or forced to move there.”

I have no Swedish blood, but went to a school started by Swedish immigrants at the end of the 19th Century. There were a ton of Swedish-Americans there and everyone “wanted to learn” swedish, but few did.

I studied there for a semester and learned a lot. And I learned Spanish in High School. I’m extremely white.

Swedish is good for impressing other white people with!

i think it’s really interesting that so many people find this blog offensive. i can understand how it might be seen as propagating emphasis on differences along racial lines, but i think there are some problems with this sum-up.

one, when i read “white people,” i understand it as referring to the privileged upper-middle class of America, who, similarly to the “bourgeois bohemians” of France (good point L), have too much money lying around and have the funds and energy to care about the environment, liberal politics, etc. and we’d just be fooling ourselves in thinking that race does not exist in America and that it does not still affect the way people live, in general terms. still, i’d probably be in agreement that referring to this population as “white people” is just asking for an uproar, even though, as i think it should be read, it is pushing in our faces the fact that, for all our shenanigans in attempting to work against it, there are inequalities built into our social system.

two, there is no single American culture, and to hide behind the constant assertion that we all live with equal rights and in the same world is foolish. yes, equalities in opportunities need to be constantly fought for, but we should acknowledge that we do not all have the same history (this is not only a racial question).

three, this blog is pointing out all the ridiculous qualities and worries of this privileged class in humor, which i (who have found way too many things on here that are in my life) see in one light as a way of putting perspective on what really can be silly in the big picture (“awareness” #18 anyone? oof, that one hurt).

“However, they did adopt it and improve upon it (using gun powder in guns, for example) before non-Europeans and implemented that technology with devastating effectiveness. And that’s the real point, isn’t it?”

This is such a horrible misconception that you can tell anyone who says this cannot have a good background in history.

Myth 1: The Chinese invented gunpowder but were slow to use it as a weapon.

This is false (see fire lance).

Myth 2: The Europeans pioneered the more modern firearms and artillery (beginning with arquebuses).

The history of the arquebus’s invention is obscure for a reason — in fact firearm development probably reinforced each other for a time.

What you must realise is a few things:

Firearms were often not standardised before the 17th century. This was China’s flaw as well as a major pain in many European battles. Near the end of the Ming Dynasty in 1644, 55% of Chinese soldiers had firearms, but they were of so many different makes and models that maintenance and training became inefficient. Whereas it became easier for Europe to mass produce them. This applies to cannons. Hence, they well had the capability of making cannons, but without the principle of mass production one suffers a military disadvantage.

Hence, as you know from economics — comparative advantage. Whereas in the early Ming era Chinese armies produced most of their own firearms (entire regiments bore arquebuses) and pioneered the 3-firing-line formation (2 reloading, one firing at any moment), by the end of the 16th century most of the guns were imported.

You should also realise at the same time, France and many other European nations were also suffering from not having well-organised firearm units. The Turkish janissaries were the model for European armies at the time *gasp*.

You should realise that Japan had in fact, one of the most advanced firearm-equipped armies during 1600; in fact they developed many precursors to firing line tactics. The Japanese were very good at reverse-engineering existing foreign guns and making their own (in contrast to the Chinese).

Of course, at the time, firearms were seen as the equivalent to nuclear weapons — really destructive and a threat to honour — after some horrific battles, even anti-shogunate forces saw reason to comply with the Shogunate’s order to formally ban firearms, just like we tend to try to disarm nukes today.

So please you infidels, THINK TWICE before you make stupid uninformed remarks and sweeping generalisations, spewing out the nonsense myths you were taught as a child.

When it comes to ‘white people’ liking ANYTHING having to do with non-white stuff, starting with languages (and lets not forget, foods, cultures, traditions, etc…..

….the great Paul Mooney said it best, “Everybody wants to be a nigg@, yet ain’t nobody wants to be a nigg@!”

I absolutely love speaking Spanish, and have busted my ass to be become fluent as an adult. I have noticed that many people (not just whites) get nervous/offended when it is spoken around them because their egocentric view causes them to assume they are the subject of the conversation. I haven’t noticed such a strong reaction to any other language; however I think it’s just an insecurity issue more than a race thing.

#315 – nice cut and paste. You really shouldn’t plagarize the writings of others and pass them off as you own. You should also read what you steal first.

“You should realise that Japan had in fact, one of the most advanced firearm-equipped armies during 1600; in fact they developed many precursors to firing line tactics. The Japanese were very good at reverse-engineering existing foreign guns and making their own (in contrast to the Chinese).”

Please edify me about the many and fabulous functional, military firearms that were invented and developed by non-Europeans. I would also be very interested in the many Chinese victories over their enemies with their mighty “fire lances.”

Pinhead.

How about Farsi?

-John
http://www.patrioticactivist.com

This blog is brilliant and the funniest thing on the goddamned interweb. Props, kids.

Oh please dear kafir, enlighten me as to where I may have copy and pasted my information from. In fact, I was reciting most of these facts from memory, so I am quite amazed at your allegation.

“I would also be very interested in the many Chinese victories over their enemies with their mighty “fire lances.””

Google would work for one, you Western infidel.

You know, they are quite well-known even to any true history amateur as well as professionals.

That you simplify the complex development of the firearm — whose various innovations were truly cosmopolitan with contributions from India, Arabia, Japan, etc. in addition to Europe and China, only shows your frog-in-the-well ignorance.

(in response to 318)

Mais Oui!

So why are white people always voting down bilingual education?

“Fuck the bullshit, whether from the hill or from the pulpit, today I put my money, on the fall of every culprit”

I know what I love, anarchy, and all the individuality, independence, moral conscience, and righteous reverence it implies. What’s the point, when facts predict your assertion is denied. By the hands of time, and human kind, in the pursuit of all paths and works divine. A journey to the heart of god, his nature is all mine, the shared delight.

No divide, along skin pigmentary lines. Inherited from our fathers ascent through time. From ethicity or illusory cultural lies.

Fuck the bullshit.

“Fuck the bullshit, whether from the hill or from the pulpit, today I put my money, on the fall of every culprit”

I know what I love, anarchy, and all the individuality, independence, moral conscience, and righteous reverence it implies. What’s the point, when facts predict your assertion is denied. By the hands of time, and human kind, in the pursuit of all paths and works divine. A journey to the heart of god, his nature is all mine, the shared delight.

No divide, along skin pigmentary lines. Inherited from our fathers ascent through time. From ethicity or illusory cultural lies.

Fuck the bullshit.

This is a very “coastal” (i.e. East Coast) view of language learning. Coming from deep in the Midwest, the home of demographic whiteness, learning a language (especially French!) is considering overachieving. Spanish is by far the most popular language, and very few parents dream of their children reading the New Yorker and listening to Coltrane. As a learner of German, French, Italian, Portuguese and Kiswahili, I am an extreme oddity back home and very few people are genuinely impressed. They would only understand this love for languages if I learned and only learned Spanish.

The one kernel of truth in this post is that I begrudged a monolingual home!

How ’bout Ebonics?

#321 – galoisien -

“Kafir”? “Infidel”?

It must be very frustrating for you to belong to a religion that tells you non-believers are beneath you, that they are to be converted, killed or made to pay tribute to your greatness, when such a large part of your world doesn’t even have indoor plumbing or electricity.

Do you ever wonder why Arab/Muslim nations that aren’t sitting on a pool of oil, are so backward, so poor, so ignorant? Ruled by tinpot dictators and religious nonsense? Do you ever wonder why you and your “culture” are on the outside looking in as secular cultures become wealthier and wealthier? We put a man on the moon forty years ago. Many of your faith don’t even acknowledge that we live in a heliocentric universe.

Don’t you ever wonder why these people that your book says are inferior to you are so much more advanced? Do you want to know the answer? Its because of the ignorance of people who use words like Kafir and Infidel to describe people who don’t believe what they believe.

Don’t you have some women to forcibly circumcise or a beheading to go to?

Because of your racist views and religious fundamentalism you will always be on the outside looking in. Looking in at freedom, prosperity and honor….all things your culture lacks.

i think the french fetish exists more on the east coast, home to one locus of white culture. in the pacific northwest, our whiteys are pretty different. we’re down with spanish, and think chinese is pretty tight too.

I must confess that I am white of the lilly variety and insecure. It is reassuring that whites are finally getting some representation here for the concerns about being talked about in other languages. It is bad enough to be talked about in a language you can understand, even if it is grammatically incorrect, but it is just hostile when it is in a foreign language. I have a feeling that this is going to turn into a movement!

This blog is awesome. I was congratulating myself for not being a stereotype (I’m not a Mos Def fan! Who’s Michael Gondry?) but then I read the *entire* list and had to cringe a few times.

So, yeah. I’m just about bilingual (Spanish, and Mexican Spanish at that); I like being the only white person around; I’d love to go to Spain.

It helps to have a sense of humor about one’s self, no matter what your background is.

Number 19 You are right. I am a second generation american. My parents both came from asia. when they came here they thought that they shouldn’t teach me my ancestral language so that I could assimilate better. However the only thing that this has accomplished is that now I can not speak to my extended family in their native language. It is a major disconvenience not knowing my parents native language.

http://crazylifeonline.wordpress.com/

S’il dit la vérité, est-ce que ça me donne une chance de se marier et avoir beaucoup d’enfants avec une personne blanche?!

english is my THIRD language, french fourth!!

This whole blog is just really fucking racist and mean spirited. Ya’ll are a bunch of insecure-to-the-point-of-self-depricating pricks. How about a little respectful appreciation of the myriad of cultures that cover our earth? Oh wait, you couldn’t do that because ya’ll are a bunch of insecure-to-the-point-of-self-depricating pricks. It’s sad. I mean, you’re making it seem like well-educated children are something that only white people want but only for self-serving, 80s-yuppy, bonfire-of-the-vanities reasons. Which is sort of preposterous, really. I mean, I’m mad about the war in Iraq too, but we should END the hostility, not redirect it. QUIT SERVING YOUR “WISH-I-WAS-A-REAL-INTELLECTUAL”-VANITY YOU FUCKING PIG BEFORE I COME OVER THERE AND TAR AND FEATHER YOUR BOYISH ASS! (see i can make hostile jokes, too. but it doesn’t make us feel better now, does it?)

ㅋㅋㅋ… 백인 어리석은예요.

The problem here, as I see it is that this blog attempts to generalize some facets of the liberal, middle to upper class, urban culture in the US–not “white” people per se; thus its more a commentary on a certain political section of an economic class within urban US culture, which happen to be mostly white. However, this is a much smaller subgroup within that much larger “white” ethnic category. This makes it misleading and inaccurate.

This type of targeted satire is not new and usually more focused. You may recall the commonly done jokes about “poor souther whites, along the lines of..”you know you are a redneck, if…” Marx himself did something of the sort when he referred to “rural idiocy” although he was also referring to a structural productive relations engendering these social relations who regarded as primitive, backward, ignorant. Of course, all generalizations.

I speak only italian, and I’m proud to be a spaghetti-man

Being a native swedish speaker I am flabbergasted that Swedish goton the list. It’s a very, very tricky language (ask the 1 million or so immigrants we have) but if someone would like to come to Fortess Europe and learn it you’re welcome!

Hey Chris, why the fuck are you reading it if you don’t enjoy it?

I enjoyed reading this Anti-White hate-blog. Since I graduated college, I haven’t had to live around self-hating White people so this really brings me back. Don’t forget to make fun of rural White farmers! That’s a comedy goldmine that’s never been touched!

hey thefinch– cuz i’m a whiner, too. sigh. it’s true.

Well, know that’s why I married an illegal Mexican immigrant. Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free? And it’s totally why I send my kids to an inner city school in the ‘hood with the children of immigrants from Spanish speaking countries, Poland, and the Arab world. Man, you NAIL me.

Hello, in my blog i have links to the best subtitles pages to watch series and films with spanish and other languages subtitles.

http://guzmanear.wordpress.com/2008/02/25/paginas-de-subtitulos/

Regards from Spain.

I know a white woman who told her daughters they could take any language in school EXCEPT Spanish, because it only feeds into the notion that “people who come here” don’t have to learn English.

(She hates calling any business that says “marque numero nueve” pour espanol.)

Madonna has put her kids in the Lycée Français Charles de Gaulle in South Kensington.

mrdribbily: t’es fou, va se faire s’il te plait.

You Westerners jumping to conclusions are so hilarious.
I am not in fact, Muslim. I simply sympathise with the Muslim faith because many of my friends are (I am in fact, Christian). A surface manifestation of this is my appreciation of Malay and Semitic cuisine, languages and various other such elements.

Anyway, your amazing is only proof for further Western myopia … please, in the words of the Good Book, take the plank out of your own eye before you kafirs command people to take sawdust particles out of their eyes.

I toss the word “kafir” around because it’s such a fun insult. Kafir, kafir, kafir…! I hope you realise the Catholic Church uses the word infidel too.

Of course, you myopic Americans don’t realise you don’t have to be Muslim to use the word “kafir”. Your conclusion is representative of the myopic ignorance of your nationality and American narrow-mindedness.

“that they are to be converted, killed or made to pay tribute to your greatness, when such a large part of your world doesn’t even have indoor plumbing or electricity.”

Dear infidel:

1. There is nothing morally wrong with evangelism. Your good friend Pat Robertson does it all the time.

2. 50% of American homes use SEPTIC TANKS. Now, isn’t that the very epitome of backwardness!

3. What do you mean, “my world?” Again, your arrogant presumptions (natural on the part of your MYOPIC AMERICANNESS) fails when you consider that a) I am a Singaporean b) I hold an American green card c) I will be attending one of your nation’s top schools while d) you linger in backwardness. Irony!

4. 55% of your people are obese. That is decadence at its best.

5. I am a polyglot. You are most likely, not. This is why my culture’s hot. This is why your culture’s not. Loser.

6. Your failure to recognise what “galoisien” means hints at not only your lack of linguistic knowledge, but the lack of a conceptual grasp of Galois theory, anything involving groups or sets, Riemannian manifolds, non-Euclidean geometry …. I don’t know who’s more backwards…

7. I can calculate the stress forces on the water pipes in your bathroom while you as an American, are incapable of conserving toilet paper.

8. Your nation’s expansive consumerism is non-sustainable. Your nation’s economy is doomed, while though I will enjoy your federal government’s financial aid.

9. Your use of “Arab/Muslim” as though they are interchangeable reflects your ignorance of anthropology and the basic ethnic makeup of the world. I bet you’re a American/Texan LOL.

10. Your imprecise use of the term “dictator” to represent oligarchies, monarchies and a wide variety of other political systems that are not even de facto dictatorships can only be representative of your countrymen’s utter ignorance of world affairs. OMG THE HAPSBURGS WERE NAZIS LOL.

11. I know more about your own nation’s history than you do. If this is not the ultimate sign of American backwardness, I don’t know what is.

12. “Sitting on a pool of oil” represents the failure of your American brain to understand the basic mechanics behind oil production. Did you know, before the war, Iraq had one of the best education systems in the Middle East, even rivalling Israel? The literacy rate was higher for girls (96%) than it was for boys (92%) …

13. “We put a man on the moon forty years ago. ”

http://xkcd.com/202/

14. Many of your faith don’t even acknowledge that we live in a heliocentric universe.

http://xkcd.com/285/

(i.e. [citation needed])

15. “Its because of the ignorance of people who use words like Kafir and Infidel to describe people who don’t believe what they believe.”

Perhaps you should first realise when someone is tossing what is known as “argument to the man” (which is not a fallacy but rather an appeal when coupled with logical arguments).

I use the word kafir to draw a cultural distinction as a form of cultural retaliation. Kafir. Kafir. Kafir.

16. Fundamentalism and racism are two different things. To be fundamentalist is to advocate purity and going back to the fundamentals. Fundamentalism is not a rejection of separation of Church and State — something you Americans have failed to appreciate.

I am in fact, a Christian fundamentalist.

The failure of you to anticipate this is representative of your countrymen (or did you think I was talking of cuntry matters,
madam?). No wonder your CUNTrymen failed to anticipate 9/11 LOL.

Since when are all white people upper middle class yuppies? OH right, I get it. Stereotype them all, like other races.

Homeschooling. Do that next.

mrdribbily: t’es fou, va se faire s’il te plait.

You Westerners jumping to conclusions are so hilarious.
I am not in fact, Muslim. I simply sympathise with the Muslim faith because many of my friends are (I am in fact, Christian). A surface manifestation of this is my appreciation of Malay and Semitic cuisine, languages and various other such elements.

Anyway, your amazing is only proof for further Western myopia … please, in the words of the Good Book, take the plank out of your own eye before you kafirs command people to take sawdust particles out of their eyes.

I toss the word “kafir” around because it’s such a fun insult. Kafir, kafir, kafir…! I hope you realise the Catholic Church uses the word infidel too.

Of course, you myopic Americans don’t realise you don’t have to be Muslim to use the word “kafir”. Your conclusion is representative of the myopic ignorance of your nationality and American narrow-mindedness.

mrdribbily —

“that they are to be converted, killed or made to pay tribute to your greatness, when such a large part of your world doesn’t even have indoor plumbing or electricity.”

Dear infidel:

1. There is nothing morally wrong with evangelism. Your good friend Pat Robertson does it all the time.

2. 50% of American homes use SEPTIC TANKS. Now, isn’t that the very epitome of backwardness!

3. What do you mean, “my world?” Again, your arrogant presumptions (natural on the part of your MYOPIC AMERICANNESS) fails when you consider that a) I am a Singaporean b) I hold an American green card c) I will be attending one of your nation’s top schools while d) you linger in backwardness. Irony!

4. 55% of your people are obese. That is decadence at its best.

5. I am a polyglot. You are most likely, not. This is why my culture’s hot. This is why your culture’s not. Loser.

6. Your failure to recognise what “galoisien” means hints at not only your lack of linguistic knowledge, but the lack of a conceptual grasp of Galois theory, anything involving groups or sets, Riemannian manifolds, non-Euclidean geometry …. I don’t know who’s more backwards…

7. I can calculate the stress forces on the water pipes in your bathroom while you as an American, are incapable of conserving toilet paper.

8. Your nation’s expansive consumerism is non-sustainable. Your nation’s economy is doomed, while though I will enjoy your federal government’s financial aid.

9. Your use of “Arab/Muslim” as though they are interchangeable reflects your ignorance of anthropology and the basic ethnic makeup of the world. I bet you’re a American/Texan LOL.

10. Your imprecise use of the term “dictator” to represent oligarchies, monarchies and a wide variety of other political systems that are not even de facto dictatorships can only be representative of your countrymen’s utter ignorance of world affairs. OMG THE HAPSBURGS WERE NAZIS LOL.

11. I know more about your own nation’s history than you do. If this is not the ultimate sign of American backwardness, I don’t know what is.

12. “Sitting on a pool of oil” represents the failure of your American brain to understand the basic mechanics behind oil production. Did you know, before the war, Iraq had one of the best education systems in the Middle East, even rivalling Israel? The literacy rate was higher for girls (96%) than it was for boys (92%) …

13. “We put a man on the moon forty years ago. ”

http://xkcd.com/202/

14. Many of your faith don’t even acknowledge that we live in a heliocentric universe.

http://xkcd.com/285/

(i.e. [citation needed])

15. “Its because of the ignorance of people who use words like Kafir and Infidel to describe people who don’t believe what they believe.”

Perhaps you should first realise when someone is tossing what is known as “argument to the man” (which is not a fallacy but rather an appeal when coupled with logical arguments).

I use the word kafir to draw a cultural distinction as a form of cultural retaliation. Kafir. Kafir. Kafir.

16. Fundamentalism and racism are two different things. To be fundamentalist is to advocate purity and going back to the fundamentals. Fundamentalism is not a rejection of separation of Church and State — something you Americans have failed to appreciate.

I am in fact, a Christian fundamentalist.

The failure of you to anticipate this is representative of your countrymen (or did you think I was talking of cuntry matters,
madam?). No wonder your CUNTrymen failed to anticipate 9/11 LOL.

10. Your imprecise use of the term “dictator” to represent oligarchies, monarchies and a wide variety of other political systems that are not even de facto dictatorships can only be representative of your countrymen’s utter ignorance of world affairs. OMG THE HAPSBURGS WERE NAZIS LOL.

11. I know more about your own nation’s history than you do. If this is not the ultimate sign of American backwardness, I don’t know what is.

12. “Sitting on a pool of oil” represents the failure of your American brain to understand the basic mechanics behind oil production. Did you know, before the war, Iraq had one of the best education systems in the Middle East, even rivalling Israel? The literacy rate was higher for girls (96%) than it was for boys (92%) …

13. “We put a man on the moon forty years ago. ”

http://xkcd.com/202/

14. Many of your faith don’t even acknowledge that we live in a heliocentric universe.

http://xkcd.com/285/

(i.e. [citation needed])

#335 – Take a deep breath, close your eyes, and think to yourself: “Spellcheck, Spellcheck, Spellcheck, Spellcheck………”

10. Your imprecise use of the term “dictator” to represent oligarchies, monarchies and a wide variety of other political systems that are not even de facto dictatorships can only be representative of your countrymen’s utter ignorance of world affairs. OMG THE HAPSBURGS WERE NAZIS LOL.

11. I know more about your own nation’s history than you do. If this is not the ultimate sign of American backwardness, I don’t know what is.

12. “Sitting on a pool of oil” represents the failure of your American brain to understand the basic mechanics behind oil production. Did you know, before the war, Iraq had one of the best education systems in the Middle East, even rivalling Israel? The literacy rate was higher for girls (96%) than it was for boys (92%) …

337 Anonymong – ‘Marx himself did something of the sort when he referred to “rural idiocy” although he was also referring to a structural productive relations engendering these social relations who regarded as primitive, backward, ignorant. ‘

You utter spanner. This site is about PEOPLE LIKE YOU. We don’t need to know what, exactly, you have to say about any issue – we know you will adopt the ‘intelligentsia default position’. Your views, opinions, lifestyle choices etc etc can be gleaned from a handful of media outlets. You are part of the ‘educated beyond your intelligence’ masses that the real smart cookies laugh at.

(in a continuing response to 329)

13. “We put a man on the moon forty years ago. ”

xkcd.com/202/

14. Many of your faith don’t even acknowledge that we live in a heliocentric universe.

xkcd.com/285/

(i.e. [citation needed])

15. “Its because of the ignorance of people who use words like Kafir and Infidel to describe people who don’t believe what they believe.”

Perhaps you should first realise when someone is tossing what is known as “argument to the man” (which is not a fallacy but rather an appeal when coupled with logical arguments).

I use the word kafir to draw a cultural distinction as a form of cultural retaliation. Kafir. Kafir. Kafir.

16. Fundamentalism and racism are two different things. To be fundamentalist is to advocate purity and going back to the fundamentals. Fundamentalism is not a rejection of separation of Church and State — something you Americans have failed to appreciate.

I am in fact, a Christian fundamentalist.

The failure of you to anticipate this is representative of your countrymen (or did you think I was talking of cuntry matters,
madam?). No wonder your CUNTrymen failed to anticipate 9/11 LOL.

White people like to get into little pissing contests with other commenter’s on every thread, and on almost any topic.

White people can’t stand it when other white people don’t see things exactly their way. (Sorry, but after reading most of these comments, about 1/3 of them caused me to realize this.)

Keep up the good work!

On the Spanish from Spain thing:

My first Spanish teacher, who was French Canadian by the way, taught us in his weak Catalan accent, and us, being hormonal 8th graders, made fun of him for the lisp.

We called him Senorito Cotito. He never really liked that too much.

Incidentally, this class was being taught at an International Scool in Bangkok.

White people love to live overseas with their families. Especially in guarded compounds with maids and drivers.

I just want to say THANKS for the new entries. (Hi Alana!) – jc

does PIG LATIN count? hell yeah. because… it’s the OTHER white meat

brilliant

White couples love to have only one child then write books on the advantages enjoyed by only children. The kid gets to have his very own room, his very own tricycle and, of course, his very own MBA with bilingual training in English-Mandarin which will make him decisively competitive in the global economy.

At a banquet celebrating a killer deal with his inscrutable counterparts in Beijing which will..er..”benefit” both parties, someone is bound to bring up the topic of China’s one-child policy. “Aha!,” he’ll say, “so you’ve read my parents’ book!”

ideas for future topics:

Grey’s Anatomy

Crocs- those plastic slip-on shoes nurses wear

Birkenstocks- those other shoes white people love

ironic tee shirts- shirts with clever names of bars, restaurants, etc.

college sweatshirts

ribbons- pink ribbons, yellow ribbons, red ribbons, just any ribbon for a cause

the “live strong” bracelets and knock offs of those bracelets (kind of old but they still wear them)

golf

endangered species

adopting children from other countries even though there are children in the U.S. that need homes

oprah! (I’m not sure if you have it but you should)

Hello darling!
Thank you for this latest gem!
I speak French and Swedish fluently as I lived, studied and worked their in my twenties, now that I’m in my thirties, I love living in Asia! My future children will speak many languages as their father will probably belong to a foreign country. I love this blog.

more suggestions

- hating their in-laws
- therapists/ psychologists
- depression
- suicide
- shooting up schools, post offices, and generally being “disgruntled”

This post appears to reflect a generation gap.*

French was the most popular language to study during my secondary school days–years ago. At that time, it was considered the most useful language for world travel; the language of diplomats and so forth.

Today, students are on waiting lists to study Spanish in most American secondary schools. Many American communities have Hispanic communities, and reflect their growing bi-lingual culture.

This situation is reflected by the jobs which advertise for applicants with Spanish/English language skills, the automatic phone messages and purchase directions given in both languages, and (again) the large number of Spanish language classes taught and Spanish college majors, in comparison to other foreign languages.

*If I assumed you were being serious

Black friends with dreadlocks!

As I began to read this blog I found it funny but then it got sad at times because the comments some folks make are real and a shame that we still have such hate. Anyway, for those who feel Spanish is a disgrace and shouldn’t be spoken here – I hope you aren’t one those “white” people who go to Cancun or such and expect those Mexican’s to serve you and speak to you in English. We should be glad that those “cartoons” have some words in Spanish so are kids won’t grow up ignorant, many of whites don’t even know their cultural background. BTW, isn’t it funny how many countries have signs in ENGLISH to cater whites? and so many countries study more than a language or two? No wonder the French dislike “Americans” – I can say it’s embarrassing that we are considered close minded.
Cheers!
someone who speaks ENGLISH, Spanish and French and trying to learn Italian and Dutch!
Peace. and don’t forget to Vote .

Too white and kidd,

I was half kidding.

Also, too white, that says “anaa abyad” not “anaa aidan.”

#79 squash
no, not the vegetable, the sport.
more hip than tennis, lacrosse and rowing. squash is the way to go to get those white kids into college nowadays. any old country club has golf and tennis, but squash, that takes a special kind of expensive country club or private school.

Thank you for doing the same thing that most whites do to people of color all the time. I see it is as uncomfortable for white people to be put in one box with simple yet authoritative- sounding rhetoric. Although I do not agree with some of the things you said on NPR, think this blog is wonderful. If you ever run out if ideas let me know.

I hope the readers of your blog will think next time they say: “Black people……” “Hispanic people……” “Muslims (who are actually considered white by federal law)……” “Asian people…..’

To the people who are angry about these stereotypes, I say suck it up and stop whining. That is what we are told every time a grossly stereotypical comments are made about us!

Multilingual is where the world is heading to, if not already there. The languages of choice are up to what you want to get out of life, wether it’s English, Spanish, Dutch, sign language, music, C++ or ActionScript, simply ensure they are what you really need or want to do. Oh, and instead of focusing on learning a foreign language focus on experiencing a foreign culture… it’s what traveling is all about.

Italians aren’t white people. They are Catholics.

Thankfully, I was given French lessons when I was four or five so I can blame my monolingual status on my own laziness. But I married a trilinguist who was born outside of the US to make up for it.

I’d much rather help my kid to develop a very advanced command of the English language and a large vocabulary instead of forcing him or her to learn some “vanity tongue” like French. Being able to awkwardly speak a few phrases in another European language might impress other upper middle class liberal jackasses, but it would have no real value in America outside of that. Yes, sadly it is reasonable to learn Spanish here for practical purposes, but acquiring basically any other second tongue for domestic use is snotty and pointless.

If multilingual is what your are after marry a a Filipino who is Chinese, Visayan and works for a call center. Why? If he/she is Chinese then he/she should know Mandarin and Fookien from primary to secondary school. If he/she is Visayan then he/she knows Visayan dialect and Tagalog which both has a totally different grammar structure. And if he/she works for a call center then he/she can speak English with a more or less convincing accent of an American,Canadian and/or Australian depending on which call center account he/she has worked for.

バカ外人！！外古語お話せません！Moi je suis peut etre le plus blanc homme qui n`a jamais existe!

Ok my writing sucks in foriegn langauges, but as a whitey i do enjoy studying them, even beyond ordering in resturants. As for my French, I learned it in Quebec and West Africa (Burkina Faso) so it s not up to snobby par.

#351 “50% of American homes use SEPTIC TANKS. Now, isn’t that the very epitome of backwardness!”

How is that backwards? Most non-White nations (India, Africa, SE Asia) pump their raw sewage into their rivers and their water supply!!

If I had a septic system I’d be happy, because it would mean I was living on 5 acres away from Turd World immigration.

Why does everyone want to move where Whites are??????

Wow!! I learned a little Spanish when I was teaching elementary school in Los Angeles……it goes like this–

La cucaracha, la cucaracha
ya no puede caminar
porque la falta, porgue la falta
no marijuana que fumar

Of course in Quebec, your parents are only proud if you’re trilingual

Big Money: That surely can’t be the ne expletif. -_-

“How is that backwards? Most non-White nations (India, Africa, SE Asia) pump their raw sewage into their rivers and their water supply!!”

That’s more stereotyped than a stereoisomer.

I am an inhabitant of an SE-Asian nation (Singapore) and we use reverse osmosis.

We have centralised rubbish chutes, a centralised education system, a centralised urban planning authority with regional commercial centralisation to reduce unnecessary traffic into the CBD, and naturally central water treatment, with central desalination.

India isn’t Africa — central water treatment is found in most areas.

Whereas in some parts of the US, you don’t even get running water, and some residential areas even rely on wells. How backwards is that!

Americans don’t even have a proper centralised national education system (No Child Left Behind is a joke).

Also, your definition of “non-white” is interesting. I hope you realise that much of India has Caucasian gene flow. Cuz you know, the whole Indo-European migrations and all. Sanskrit is one of the most conservative Indo-European languages, beating your kafirs of classical languages Latin and Greek. (That’s right, they’re INFIDEL languages because they failed to be FAITHFUL to many Proto=Indo-European features. And now they’re DEAD.)

Indians are more white than you are. Genetically speaking.

Do you REALLY believe what you write ir are you writing to get a rise out of people?

FYI: SOME not ALL “White people” want their children to speak other languages.

Best blog on the Intenets.

My dad convinced me to choose Latin as my “foreign language” in school in sixth grade because he said it would boost my SAT score when I got to high school. Does this count?

LOL — this is hilarious! I was not happy as a white mama when my white girls chose to learn French. OTOH, it was the only foreign language our cheap ass rural school district offered. Que? We in the middle of MISSOURI… how many French speaking people are there around here? I was happy though that they did want to learn some other tongue other than ‘Hey, bubba, whatchoo doin 2morrow, wanna go muddin’?” or ‘Hey, bitch, wanna come check out the suspension on my truck?’ And the one girlie o mine DID go to France in her senior year of college. And my other girlie is gonna go to Russia with me. Yep, at age 55, I am learning to speak Rooskie. Rock on!

Eddie Izzard (the executive transvestite comedian) explained U.S. white people’s thoughts about language this way: “Two languages in one head?! How can anyone live at that speed?” For the most part, that seems true to white folks. They act like anyone who can speak more than one language has some sort of magical gift that they must have sold their soul to the devil for.

No wonder they want their kids to be bilingual. I mean, another thing white people love is for their kids to be incredibly special and unique.

384 must be autistic, because he can’t detect satire when he sees it. LOL

Galoisien: India has MASSIVE sewer problems. I’ll let you tell me how many hundreds of millions don’t haverunning water Care to be honest and get back to us on that?

Singapore is advanced because of its contact with Whites (British).

A Hindu is less White then me, believe me I have to live around them. I also have two working eyes. Nice try though.

I know what your angling at, but it’s beyond the scope here. It’s like arguing that Vijay Singh is a negro because his skin is darker than most negros. I know he isn’t, but still Hindus and the rest of India is most definitely not White.

fateddy – ha! “white people like to argue on the internet” – did they already cover the ultimate white fetish – LISTS?

white people like google.

and white people feel good about themselves when they can think of something to add to this list.

I wish I started this blog

Hey galoisien,

You are hilarious. And self-righteous, like most right wing Christian fundamentalists. I hope I can speak for most Americans on this thread that your repetitive diatribe was exhausting to read and really funny. I don’t give a rat’s ass that you can calculate water forces in pipes. Big deal. Your crap is still brown. Calculate that.
And screaming “kafir” doesn’t make you cool or any more knowledgeable than the next person.

However, the great thing about America is that you are allowed to post your humorous treatise with no fear of retribution or jail or whatever, so welcome to the land of the First Amendment.

Wheeeeeee!

stumbled upon this site, and i’m now in love.
anyway, thought up some topics. which i’m sure have probably been repeated at one point or another by others.

HIV/AIDS
the Dalai Lama
swiffer
sexual predators
steroid testing
andy samburg
annie leibovitz
going green

galoisien wishes he was white and american. have fun at uni… hope you can also calculate the force of a foot striking your ass for being so annoying. just kidding, but seriously man it sounds like you need better outlets than this blog. not much shaking in singapore??

“I hope the readers of your blog will think next time they say: “Black people……” “Hispanic people……” “Muslims (who are actually considered white by federal law)……” “Asian people…..”

I never heard people referred to, or identified by their race until I worked on a computer help desk with a Korean, black/Puerto Rican, Mexican, and two blacks all in their twenties or early thirties. It was all they ever talked about. It was weird because as a middle aged white liberal I had been schooled against those sort of generalizations all my life. I have never once heard a white person say out loud all the hateful things all other racial groups claim we say and think, and I will just bet you that none of these so called people of color have either. It is an urban myth that all white people hate everyone else, if that was the case why do we marry, adopt and sponsor so many of them at home and overseas?

Someone dissing you using ethnic slurs? Than he/she are probably the same ethnic group you are.

As interesting as your blog is, I think a more accurate title for it would be “things yuppies like”… I know far too many non-white upper-middle class software engineers and lawyers from Silicon Valley that fit these articles perfectly. Just visit UC Berkeley… the place is swarming with sheltered little Beamer-driving Asian American kids that fall under just about every article you’ve ever written here. You know why? It’s because they have money… they grew up as the majority in their respective hometowns, and they never faced any trials and tribulations beyond strict parents. Hell, I’d take strict grade-pressuring parents any day over the shit I grew up with.

Likewise, I grew up with plenty of blue collar white folks who couldn’t tell you what the Dave Chapelle show was because they were working so hard they had neither the time nor the interest in watching tv. When you have money and time on your hands, you can afford to spend your afternoons protesting, shopping at Whole Foods, and convincing yourself that recycling is the key to saving our world.

And when ya don’t have money, and your primary focus is staying alive, you could care less if someone uses organic makeup and recycles their plastics.

I’m sure you’re just as big of a yuppie as all these “white people” you write about. I mean shit, does my mama’s neighbor in la barria even know what wordpress is, let alone have 5 hours a day to dedicate to writing a blog about stereotypes? No, she’s busy scrubbing toilets.

Sometimes, you would have to learn more than one language due to the situation you find yourselves in – I know four languages – Tamil, Telugu, Hindi and English. All four had to be learnt by me due to certain geographical compulsions. But there is one language I would love to learn – German. Believe me, it is not easy to learn another language even if you were already not a mono-lingual and even if there is a lot of resources around you (like max muller institutes and internet). Can we master a language only if we are around people who speak that language (Like going to Germany) ?

Destination Infinity.

And I want to write the 400th Scrap as well…..

Destination Infinity.

Oh one more thing… I know way more Chinese Americans who are obsessed with Japanese culture than I do white people. They all want to go there for the JET program because they are obsessed with anime and jpop. The only reason you notice white people interested in that is because they stand out more. Like I said before… go to UC Berkeley, it’s swarming with Asian Americans that fit your yuppie stereotypes.

Is this really true about white people? I must be living in the wrong part of town. I know a lot of whites like myself but no one like you describe above. Guess we fall into the wrong income bracket.

I have laughed so hard at other entries! Really funny! (Me, I drink out of stainless steel canteens! I recycle, religiously! I rarely cut a rug at concerts! So funny, so true!) Nevertheless, I can tell this is gonna get old fast–it’d be good to let it rest before you’re way off course. Quit while you’re ahead!

Very amusing. I love this blog. Every post is fantastic. You deserve fame and fortune, my friend. Keep up the good work.

From the number of visitors, this blog has captured the interest of many people. Sometime you’ll have to post the story of how you came up with this idea!

http://www.jonesview.wordpress.com

#397 Catlinc

“if that was the case why do we marry, adopt and sponsor so many of them at home and overseas?”

You say that like you are PROUD of it. what the hell is wrong with you?

What you have described is a sickness, and you have listed the symptoms. The underlying sickness of duped Whites (post-1965) will be studied by our white grandchildren as the biggest disgrace in Western history They won’t be pleased with the Brazil-like world we will force upon them.

Whites that create a non-White society for themselves and their progeny, are guilty of killing off the genes of the West — killing of genes is known as genocide. Say no to it. Wake up. Maybe someone later on won’t curse the stupid Whites of this period.

#397 Re: racist non-whites

“It was weird because as a middle aged white liberal I had been schooled against those sort of generalizations all my life.”

Try turning off the jewtube and pick up a history book. Funny how jews in academia and media preach liberalism for Whites in the US, but are racist right-wing nationalists about Israel and their own tribe and families.

I feel sorry you were a duped jew sucker for so long.

not all “white people” are the same.
but hey, there’s nothing better than making a real juicy generalization about a race to make your selves feel more superior, in one way or another. right?

stupid

Sr. Clander…..you are a cultural genius in my book. Poignant , insightful, sumwhat cynical, but massive hilarity. You also walk a very fine line which i respect. Of course i’d expect the backlash of “dummy” racism from white devils who Don’t follow the acute reflection of prog/liberal whites AND the over-intellectualizing / over-analyzing from the white saviors who do get it. but all in all……shoutouts from my camp….

Also, you killin’ em’……….w/ the pics that match…haha

p.s. Dear white saviors please STOP over-analyzing Clander’s comments about Fair Trade and the whole so-called “Conscious” movement. Of course Fair Trade is a step up from Ivory Coast of Africa Nestle Slave Chocolate.

Real Talk……as-Salaamu Alaikum

In bad taste. Only in America would people ridicule those who wish their children to learn. Might as well stay dumb and monolingual.

My sister was asking me why dose it cost $800 for 8 weeks to learn Chinese?! I told her to go to China Town,and learn it for free.

http://www.IGotUGGs.com
http://www.BeindtheApprovalMatrix.com

Wow you’ve really nailed me down. My suggestions would have to be “Buddhism” (preferably Zen) and maybe even “Having heard of the Stuff White People Like blog”

Check out FATAL BAZOOKA! FOUS TA CAGOULE! on youtube.

Great blog idea. Love the wry derision. I am linking to you through one of my posts – hope you don’t mind. If you do, let me know and I’ll remove.

G

P.S.: How about #79: Pills?

G

#409 I don’t care what you do, or what you say, nobody gives a crap, but please STAY OUT of our gene pool. Deal?

Loser, pontificating at a White website……

Joseph Caspar Mezzofanti (1774-1849) was an Italian Cardinal who spoke more than 38 languages fluently. He never left Italy and yet managed to learn how to speak languages without accent. People from all over the world came to challenge him in their native tongue. They all reported their amazement at this man’s fluency.

The life of Mezzofanti is of considerable interest to language enthusiasts.

The definitive study of Mezzofanti is a 500 pages book by Charles William Russel published in 1863. You will find the entire text of this book on this website.

http://how-to-learn-any-language.com/e/index.html

[i] White people believe that if they had been given French language instruction when they were younger, their lives would have turned out very differently. Instead of living in the US, they would be living and working abroad for the United Nations or some other organization with a headquarters in Switzerland or The Hague. [/i]

uhm, people in the hague speak dutch, not french..
and dutch people are much more likely to be able to speak english than french.

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“Galoisien: India has MASSIVE sewer problems. I’ll let you tell me how many hundreds of millions don’t haverunning water Care to be honest and get back to us on that?

Singapore is advanced because of its contact with Whites (British).”

The first is due to overcrowding, not the lack of infrastructure. Well actually it is due to the lack of infrastructure (the way to increase carrying capacity), but the infrastructure exists — it just can’t support enough people.

Whereas in Africa it’s like there isn’t even an infrastructure. But it only became independent in 1947. KESKE TU PENSES?!

Singapore is advanced because it LIES IN THE MIDDLE OF TRADE ROUTES. Like being between China and Arabia and India, as well as the US and being one of the ports you stop at after the Suez Canal.

Also Singapore is what it is because of its CONTACT WITH JEWS. That’s right, after the Six Day War in 1967, Lee Kuan Yew rang them up and said, “Yo! The British are withdrawing their army in four years and we need protection! Care to train our armed forces?” And thus our national service was born. After all, Israel is also another small but militarily powerful state.

(My point is, Singapore is what it is because it is a port and relies on trade and exchange by its very nature …. naturally contact with whites is part of this.)

“not much shaking in singapore??”

Not much shaking in Maine, that’s what. Chuis TCK entk. American PR counts as American, considering I first came here at the age of 5. Then I went back to my home country. And returned. And…

“You are hilarious. And self-righteous, like most right wing Christian fundamentalists. I hope I can speak for most Americans on this thread that your repetitive diatribe was exhausting to read and really funny.”

That’s curious, for I was only being half-serious (read: mocking bigotry is so fun…)

If you want to really know my true position, I don’t dislike Americans per se, but I know to expect cultural myopia in most Americans. Rationally, one can argue that this is not so much inherent to being American as being part of hegemony — for example, if Israelis suddenly became the dominant force on Earth I bet a lot of them would become complacent.

But being rational is tiring! Sometimes il me faut “let loose” un peu!

But prithee anyway, “like most Christian fundamentalists” is funny because though I see myself as a fundamentalist (e.g. the church has to be saved from diluting practices of ‘believe whatever you want and come to church only to hang out with friends’), I only explicitly went along that route once in my post. I am sympathetic to Muslims because I see many of them as pious. And plus their food just tastes great.

“A Hindu is less White then me, believe me I have to live around them. I also have two working eyes. Nice try though.

I know what your angling at, but it’s beyond the scope here. It’s like arguing that Vijay Singh is a negro because his skin is darker than most negros. I know he isn’t, but still Hindus and the rest of India is most definitely not White.”

But that makes the Japanese white!

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Takao_Ozawa_v._United_States
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_v._Bhagat_Singh_Thind

You Americans really are obsessed with race, aren’t you?
I hope that intermarriage steps up a gear so that in a hundred or so years everyone will have shut up about it.

Oh yes, please do a post on saying your from the (insert nearest cool city) instead of the dumpy or posh little suburb. Even in elementary school, we whiteys were self-conscious about our precious little suburban roots, and took great pains to indicate that our house was actually closer to the “wrong side of the tracks” than it was to the rich area.

Which brings me to another idea for a post. White people like pretending to be poor. And bragging about that summer job we had in the food service industry to show how much we have in common with “the common man,” how we’ve paid our dues, we’ve had to work our way up, nosiree, we weren’t born with silver spoons. We then acknowledge our privilege in passing, because not to do so would be ridiculous (we got schooled on that in the 80s), but always add a “but…” As in, “I mean, I know I had it pretty good growing up compared to a lot of people, but…”

This topic could tie into “slumming,” though that may deserve its own post, too….

awesome and true, the post is true and i have been the envy of peers and thier parents my entire life
…i speak english (australian) and french cos that’s where my family is from, and japanese now cos i have been living here for a year and a bit, plus of course i can read italian and some spanish cos they are practically the same with slightly different accents…It’s true that it can get you laid…but not by the people you want…and the worst thing is its gonna be awful to try and get my kids speaking three languages from the onset…

“and the worst thing is its gonna be awful to try and get my kids speaking three languages from the onset…”

Not really.

(This is where the public should, you know, learn some basic psycholinguistics.)

My mother was born and raised in Cuba. She never spoke spanish when we were growing up. It was very uncool to be ethnic back then. I’ve always had a smoldering regret that she didn’t teach us spanish (I’d be able to impress our lawn guys). I took 4 years of Intro French in high school and college and still can’t read a french menu. I don’t know why i think the spanish woulda stuck either?

to Murray:

Jag talar svenska

(translation: I speak Swedish). I get a lot of blank looks when I tell people that.

I wanted to be able to read some of the papers that my ancestors wrote that were in Swedish.

I’ve also studied German, Italian, Spanish, and Latin. I’ve found Spanish to be the most useful by far.

Lol white people when will they ever learn to act right am I right man up high

Hey while we’re at it lol what about those jews huh they sure love pastrami and international banking!