#80 The Idea of Soccer
March 3, 2008 by clander
Many white people will tell you that they are very into soccer. But be careful, it’s a trap.
If you then attempt to engage them about your favorite soccer team or talk about famous moments in soccer history, you are likely to be met with blank stares. This is because white people don’t actually enjoy watching soccer, they just like telling their friends that they are into it.
In fact, the main reason white people like soccer is so they can buy a new scarf. As you may or may not know, many soccer teams issue special scarves, and white people cannot get enough of them!
Most white people choose a favorite soccer team based on either a study abroad experience or a particularly long vacation to Europe or South America. When they return, they like to tell their friends about how great “football” is and that they are committed to ‘getting more into’ now that they have returned home.
Some white people take this charade so far as to actually play in adult soccer leagues or attend a local professional match.
The best method for exploiting this is to ask a white person who their favorite football team is and how they came to be fans. This will allow them to tell you about their time abroad and feel as though they have impressed you with their knowledge. Once they have finished talking, it is acceptable to ask for favors.
Note: Europeans are actually into Soccer and are exempt from this entry, however they are free to use it to their advantage when in North America.
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the first thing that WPs do when meeting an English person is start talking about soccer and then laughingly call it “football” it’s annoying, but I’d do the same thing.
In watching soccer, it helps to have played. Easier to see patterns and method behind what can appear to be random running around to a newcomer.
SOCCER (its not called football) is a gay, effete, dumb, boring, shitty pseudo sport that comes from sissy U-rope. Soccer is a gay European sport that every patriotic AMERICAN!!! (USA is the greatest) hates with a passion!
Americans are superior to non-Americans, hence everything that is AMERICAN is superior to that which is non-American.
AMERICAN sports >>>> SOCCER
AMERICAN athletes >>>> SOCCER
AMERICAN culture >>>>> SOCCER
AMERICAN everything >>>>> SOCCER
AMERICA is simply the most superior country in the world. Every AMERICAN believes this.
SOCCER SUCKS!!! AMERICA IS THE GREATEST!!!
SOCCER SUCKS!!! AMERICA IS THE GREATEST!!!
SOCCER SUCKS!!! AMERICA IS THE GREATEST!!!
SOCCER SUCKS!!! AMERICA IS THE GREATEST!!! YEAH!
americans only play gay american sports, whats that about
world series crap, only american teams in it hello world series there is a non clue in the title, NHL CRAP, NFL CRAP, DONT GET ME STARTED ON YOUR GIRLY SPORT OF NETBALL(SORRY BASKETBALL)
BOMBING COUNTRIES FOR OIL IS ALL YOU YANKIES ARE GOOD FOR
Get a clue: Toronto is still a CANADIAN city! Therefore, World Series. At least our sports ( BASEBALL, basketball, football, NASCAR) are straight, unlike, well - YOU!
Anyone else spot the irony of “MD” pointing out irony while missing the joke? For the benefit of slower readers: “Average American” was *mocking* stereotypical Americans.
And “v” seems to think the difficulty of running around for 90 minutes makes soccer more entertaining. It does not. That actually just makes it good exercise.
I don’t know why so many people compare soccer to American football (the name?) when it has so much more in common with Nascar - the same boring thing happening continuously until I change the channel.
why do white people love to point out the irony?
oh yeah, because in soccer we get so many pads and time outs, football is such a touugh sport
“ooh im gonna run for 5 seconds and then take a break and slap a mans ass” wow you must be a tough guy if you like football. i would pay to see you last five minutes in a sport like soccer
you’re an idiot. Its NOT soccer its football. American “football” has no right to be called football simply because the only time they use their feet for other than running is to punt.
America is not superior to everyone else, im an American but im not ignorant
Japanese cars > American Cars
Football > American “football”
Foreign food > American Food
Your stupidity > Everyone else’s
Now go ride your dodge truck with your camouflaged hat!
If it’s not football, then feel free to contact Paul Tagliabue and inform him that he had been the commissioner of the wrong sports league (BTW, the name Tagliabue roughly translates to ‘cut the steer’. Tough man, tough name, tough sport, hmmm… am I the only one to see the links?). Anyway, most Japanese cars are made in America, so essentially Japanese cars ARE American cars. Soccer is not, and never will be, football. It isn’t even a p**s-poor substitute for it. Foreign food IS American food, as our cuisine is, like our population, a mix of other countries’ cuisines. And as far as YOUR stupidity is concerned, I agree that you are dumber than the average slug. Slither away, little slug, and go watch your SOCCER!
AMERICA, FUCK YEA!!!!!!!!!!
Anyone else spot the irony in the “Rah! Rah! America is the greatest” drivel being written by an “Average American?”
Someone better inform all those Mexican Americans I knew in Texas that soccer is stuff that white people like. Or is it OK that they like it too?
Note: Europeans are actually into Soccer and are exempt from this entry, however they are free to use it to their advantage when in North America.
Wow, that was quick. And you didn’t even need to email me.
White people on like the idea of soccer, not the game? You already knew that soccer was phenomenally popular in Europe before you posted your blog entry.
So are we all faking it over here, or are Germans, Scots, Croats etc… not white?
The whole basis of your website is that white people go around living in a bubble, and they think that what they do is ‘normal’ when in fact its particular to their culture. And you’ve done the same thing yourself?
Email me. Go on, you’ve got the address. I would like to hear you justify this, but don’t swear. It won’t get through the filter.
Stuff Imperialist/Snobby/American White People Like…there renamed the blog to be more accurate…
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