#83 Bad Memories of High School
March 6, 2008 by clander
The most time and cost efficient way of gaining a white person’s trust and friendship is to talk to them about their time in high school.
Virtually every white person you meet was a nerd in a high school-it it is how they were able to get into a good arts program and law school. As such, their memories of high school are painful, but not tragic since they were able to eventually find success in the real world. Exploiting this information is your one way to ticket into the heart of a white person.
Your first priority must be to steer the conversation to the topic of high school, which is not very difficult. If you are talking about music, mention the music you think they would have liked in high school and how you were taunted for liking those bands. If you cannot properly gauge the type of music a white person liked in high school, you should always say that you were really into The Cure. All white people know that liking The Cure in high school is an invitation to be tortured by the cool kids. This will bring about instant sympathy and respect.
It is also acceptable to discuss how you were in love with a cool kid who never loved you back. For added effect, you can mention how said cool kid is now doing very poorly and that you are excited for the upcoming reunion.
If these first two points were not enough to gain an adequate level of trust, you can close the deal by saying: “I was the only <insert ethnicity> kid in Improv/on the paper/on student council.” Wait for a sympathetic look and then you will know that you have forged an unbreakable and easily exploited bond.
For maximum effectiveness, this technique should be used in a social group setting where everyone can share their stories. By guiding the conversation, you will be seen as a natural and sympathetic leader. This can be easily exploited for professional and social gain.
Note: In the rare encounter that you meet a white person who was “cool” in high school, do not panic. There is a 100% chance that one of their other cool friends sold them out in a coup for control of their social circle. Failing that, you can exploit the inherent guilt they feel about their treatment of nerds.
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White liberal Democrats we elected into office should make a law in every US state, territory or jurisdiction to do away with….mandatory school attendance for anyone under age 16/18. However, the National and state level teachers’ unions will oppose the law, and all those right-wing neo-con moralists too, in fear that making kids not having to go to school will lead to the collapse of society/ civilization.
I read on Yahoo news that Kansas City (KS or MO, don’t know which) will shut down half of its schools by next fall, and that’s a huge loss to the already failing city public school system. Who’s next to fail: NY City, Chicagoland, LA County & all the 50 states, public education is one big FAIL.
…and I forgot Washington DC! LOL, the nation’s capital is a federal government ward, thanks to the liberals in charge of everything there. To come & think of it, Ronald Reagan & the Bushes cut federal education funding to a point hardly any money is left to give in public schools anywhere else.
Jock two sizes larger than you threatening to kick your ass for existing, no charge.
Hot girls verbally “boo”ing your best effort to get your rubberband arms to do a pull up in front of gym, no charge.
A daily meal of questionable content and origin, $1.50. Same meal on the state sponsored food program that automatically put an uncrossable gap between you and the have it all suburban kids, no charge.
Being called a ‘faggot’ for liking music that industry marketers hadn’t yet coined the term ‘alternative’ and made popular yet, no charge.
Bad memories of High School becomming trendy, priceless.
All I’m wondering is when being pistol whipped for your ATM card to pull out your life savings of $50 or struck by a drunk driver will come into vogue. If bad luck is a fashion statement I’m a supermodel!
High never ever changes EVER. It will remain the same horrid institution until the end of time.
Tell me about it…..you’re totally right. It’s like a formula for misery. The variables may change but its all the same set up and the same crap.
Does anyone else think that people who liked high school and continue to talk about it even as they close in on social security, are either A) pathetic or B) delusional?
I usually think they were boring or privileged. Or both.
High school was not fun. But it was hella interesting. In a horrible journey kind of way.
High schools are nothing more than where physically adult people are treated worse than kindergardeners, they look like county jails in the outside and military schools in the inside…and Newsweek’s front cover on the report about public education says it right: WE MUST FIRE BAD TEACHERS.
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