#83 Bad Memories of High School
March 6, 2008 by clander
The most time and cost efficient way of gaining a white person’s trust and friendship is to talk to them about their time in high school.
Virtually every white person you meet was a nerd in a high school-it it is how they were able to get into a good arts program and law school. As such, their memories of high school are painful, but not tragic since they were able to eventually find success in the real world. Exploiting this information is your one way to ticket into the heart of a white person.
Your first priority must be to steer the conversation to the topic of high school, which is not very difficult. If you are talking about music, mention the music you think they would have liked in high school and how you were taunted for liking those bands. If you cannot properly gauge the type of music a white person liked in high school, you should always say that you were really into The Cure. All white people know that liking The Cure in high school is an invitation to be tortured by the cool kids. This will bring about instant sympathy and respect.
It is also acceptable to discuss how you were in love with a cool kid who never loved you back. For added effect, you can mention how said cool kid is now doing very poorly and that you are excited for the upcoming reunion.
If these first two points were not enough to gain an adequate level of trust, you can close the deal by saying: “I was the only <insert ethnicity> kid in Improv/on the paper/on student council.” Wait for a sympathetic look and then you will know that you have forged an unbreakable and easily exploited bond.
For maximum effectiveness, this technique should be used in a social group setting where everyone can share their stories. By guiding the conversation, you will be seen as a natural and sympathetic leader. This can be easily exploited for professional and social gain.
Note: In the rare encounter that you meet a white person who was “cool” in high school, do not panic. There is a 100% chance that one of their other cool friends sold them out in a coup for control of their social circle. Failing that, you can exploit the inherent guilt they feel about their treatment of nerds.
Pages: « 46 … 11 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 [1] Show All
Totally reminds me of what the nerdy kids from Mean Girls would be like. The “note” at the end is the story of the Plastics … good read….
http://thingsmenwant.wordpress.com
That was pretty good. the “note” at the end reminds me of the premise of Mean Girls.
http://thingsmenwant.wordpress.com
So, once again, I say you are not talking to white people persay, but to hipsters. Lots of white people LOVED high school. What about cheerleaders? Football player? All the people who actually grew up in New York City and went to Bronx Science or Stuyvesant or whatever, unlike stupid ass people from Kansas and shit who live in Williamsburg or Ft. Greene and act fucking annoying. Man, I hate those kids.
yeah for Bronx Science!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (white kid)
Just because Science and Stuyvesant are good schools doesn’t mean that people loved their years there. In fact, at Science if you were a nerdy over-achiever in the honors society, you’d probably get called on it. High school is a universally awkward time for folks. For further evidence (albeit highly exaggerated), one need look no further than Superbad. Some people reach the pinnacle of their social acceptance in high school (glory days, if you will), but for most people, it would seem that high school was either painful for whatever reason, examples of which can be found in the text of this post.
The point of this website is to point out what hipsters are like. Which is why, in some post, the talk a bit about the “wrong” kind of white people.
Have spent some time thinking about what’s so funny about this blog. My provisional answer is that it has something to do with identifying stuff that uniquely applies to white people. Thus, suggestion that this blog is about “hipsters” seems off the mark (See posts on dinner parties and on performance clothing), as does the latter suggestion that the blog is about “WASPs/yuppies/artsy fartsy” people (see posts on Music Piracy, Hating Corporations, Knowing What’s Best for Poor People). For example, life in trailer parks is ruled out b/c lots of minorities live in trailer parks (of course, lots of them don’t as well). On the other hand, performance clothing is in b/c it is disproportionately consumed by white people. The idea is to speculate about what activities, beliefs, or products are done/held/owned by white people in greater proportion than by groups.
Not hipsters or yuppies, but a perfect description of liberal white intellectuals (wanna-be intellectuals?). Seems like they must be in their 30s or so, because of the dated references.
Hmm, this seems a little of the mark? The posts are coming fast and furious, and perhaps are not quite as well thought out? Is high school universally (or even generally) liked by non-whites? I’m confused.
It’s not that, it’s that white people are the ones that get picked on for reasons x, y, and z
No! Most of them drop out.
nice
Thanks for bringing back my painful high school memories. Yup, I was a nerd. A certifiable one. Such a big nerd that I even proudly wore the “D.A.R.E.” pin during drug awareness week. Then I got to college and realized that “D.A.R.E.” actually stands for “Drugs are Really Expensive.”
Oh just the pin? I wore the shirt!!! lol
It’s funny, 90% of the kids I’ve seen where them do, or even supply, drugs.
LOL, honey, I wore the damn ribbon and I’m a weed girl. And everybody knew it, too.
Nice thought, Michael, maybe it’s time to lay off the dope.
White people love to wear “D.A.R.E” shirts.
Wasn’t jump roping also somehow involved with DARE marketing?
Early to mid 90s…everyone (including me) wore those “D.A.R.E.” shirts
….and then peer pressure came in 10 years later
I wasn’t cool enough to get drugs in high school and believe me, I tried. Everyone thought I was a narc, even without a dare shirt
You had more facial hair than the other boys your grade. Possibly because you repeated a few grades.
People still think I’m a narc. I can’t even buy pot at my college reunions. That’s the only reason I’ve never developed a wicked addiction, gone to rehab with celebrities, and come out of it all with a charasmitic down to earth humanism and ability to talk openly with strangers about really personal topics. Dammit.
Pot isn’t chemically addictive, FYI.
Yeah, and you’re and engineer.
Don’t forget to use terms like ‘hellhole’ in describing high school. I’m too tired to think of other terms right now.
“Prison”
“Fascist Prison”
“Intellectual Wasteland”
“Purgatory”
Those are ones I’ve used, anyway.
parade of human carnage
“The years I wish I were on fast forward” … no wait, that’s all of childhood.
“Preppy Haven”
“WASP Hive”
“White Supremacy” (the non-racist kind)
Yeah, I’m going to a prep school
Very funny.
http://www.IGotUGGs.com
http://www.BehindtheApprovalMatrix.com
White people are such fucking losers.
You, a bit to far
Michael, you are like the police for extraneous sensitivity! I appreciate each of your reprimands, as I’ve been trying to figure out 1)How JoeSchmo found out that Teddy Hefner liked orange soda, and 2) why Dillion asks so many questions which at first appear to be statements. He’s certainly a tricky dick with all of those question marks popping up on unsuspecting readers.
why are you on this site if you’re obviously racist against white people? Dude, find something else to do with your time, like drinking an orange soda or something.
White people are all losers.. but why do so many people goto white peoples pages to read about white people and how to get them to like you and move to white countries and move to white neighborhoods? Because we are losers, ah yes.
This is a great stereotype to endow so white people can be negatively stereotyped like all other ethnicities to fit in? I guess?
And you, loosen up
Band geeks!!!
Are actually the shit.
The Cure…it’s the kiss of death.
Pages: « 46 … 11 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 [1] Show All