#83 Bad Memories of High School
March 6, 2008 by clander
The most time and cost efficient way of gaining a white person’s trust and friendship is to talk to them about their time in high school.
Virtually every white person you meet was a nerd in a high school-it it is how they were able to get into a good arts program and law school. As such, their memories of high school are painful, but not tragic since they were able to eventually find success in the real world. Exploiting this information is your one way to ticket into the heart of a white person.
Your first priority must be to steer the conversation to the topic of high school, which is not very difficult. If you are talking about music, mention the music you think they would have liked in high school and how you were taunted for liking those bands. If you cannot properly gauge the type of music a white person liked in high school, you should always say that you were really into The Cure. All white people know that liking The Cure in high school is an invitation to be tortured by the cool kids. This will bring about instant sympathy and respect.
It is also acceptable to discuss how you were in love with a cool kid who never loved you back. For added effect, you can mention how said cool kid is now doing very poorly and that you are excited for the upcoming reunion.
If these first two points were not enough to gain an adequate level of trust, you can close the deal by saying: “I was the only <insert ethnicity> kid in Improv/on the paper/on student council.” Wait for a sympathetic look and then you will know that you have forged an unbreakable and easily exploited bond.
For maximum effectiveness, this technique should be used in a social group setting where everyone can share their stories. By guiding the conversation, you will be seen as a natural and sympathetic leader. This can be easily exploited for professional and social gain.
Note: In the rare encounter that you meet a white person who was “cool” in high school, do not panic. There is a 100% chance that one of their other cool friends sold them out in a coup for control of their social circle. Failing that, you can exploit the inherent guilt they feel about their treatment of nerds.
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After reading about all the teachers who have sex with students on http://detentionslip.org how can anyone complain about high school nowadays?
Dude, I loved High School!!! It was awesome! Probably some of the best memories I’ve had. Even the bad ones are awesome–they just make me laugh harder!
If I had testicles, that picture would make them retreat to my throat.
So chilling.
i went to a small rural high school, was in the drama club and president of french club, dated the “male athlete of the year” was a massive stoner, who took almost all a.p. classes and yet barely showed up enough to graduate. my high school existence is one big conflicting blur, so i never thought i was that popular until years later when i got a myspace account. maybe if i had known all these people who say i am awesome now thought it in high school, i would have actually gone and maybe even tried and perhaps applied for college. the memories i do have of high school are pretty great though. at least better than most of the whiteys i know, which was about 98% of the school.
Some of the white people are getting defensive “hey this isn’t funny’. So it seems that you are hitting home.
“Satire (n.) – An obsolete kind of literary composition in which the vices and follies of the author’s enemies were expounded with imperfect tenderness. In this country satire never had more than a sickly and uncertain existence, for the soul of it is wit, wherein we are dolefully deficient, the humor that we mistake for it, like all humor, being tolerant and sympathetic. Moreover, although Americans are ‘endowed by their Creator’ with abundant vice and folly, it is not generally known that these are reprehensible qualities, wherefore the satirist is popularly regarded as a sour-spirited knave, and his every victim’s outcry for co defendants evokes a national assent.” [Ambrose Bierce]
I was not aware that enough Black people graduate for them to take part in conversations about high scholl memories.
Did you even graduate from s-c-h-o-o-l ?
I’ll say this–the most underrated white people in high school will come to the class reunions. But some of the top names who are called nerds stay away. They don’t want to be embarrassed. They might be CEO of a large corporation and don’t want to come at all. They’re too caught up in their high level 2008 level of success that looking back 20 to 25 years to high school is faceless.
#110
Seriously though, if you were an aspie in any school setting, your life was literally shit.
stuff white people like: making fun of white people via safe cultural stereotypes. you’re all being amused by a tamer cultural equivalent of Dave Chappelle that isn’t half as funny.
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